Don’t be a pickup artist, be a relationship master

Hello you!

In anticipation to the direction I believe we’ve been going in and for too long… I’d like to offer you a fresh perspective upon what you might be wanting. (Rather than what you think you want…)

You see, where I used to be was a lot less satisfying than where I am currently. And with retrospect, I may be able to share insight into my current enthusiasm.

I started out learning The Game by Neil Strauss. With a high desire to be the centre of attention for every single girl on earth. To say I was greedy for attention wouldn’t even start to sum it up.
The reason I wanted every single girl on earth, resonated very clearly with the fact I wanted everyone,
because I didn’t know which one what I wanted. This comes from a lack of experience of self.

So, I set out with a mission to become the best pickup artist I could be. I won’t say I was a natural at the game, but I picked it up pretty quickly and didn’t really need to practice what was told, I just needed to become aware of what the book said in order to empower what I already knew.

Over the course of secondary and then sales school, high-school, then Uni, I went out with more than 70 girls, which isn’t much of a number in comparison with many players out there. Though, over the course of 9 years, it makes out about 7 girls per year. Which makes for periods of not being with a girl about 2 months max.

I started out as an introverted kid, who was shy and afraid of expressing himself and gradually I become more and more confident, to the point of feeling socially invincible or in other words Arrogance.

I started out with a very clear desire to be loved, but this was also intertwined with the need to impress my boys and show how much of a man I was. To the detriment of the girls I encountered. Sorry…
To seduce a girl into being emotionally dependent on me was something I was guilty of. I was vulnerable inside and highly afraid of being alone, so by any means, I’d figure out a way for her to Not leave me.

But when we focus on how to make someone not leave us, the NOT isn’t visible to our minds eye and we end up making them leave us. This is why it’s important to focus on how to make them stay with us, or more importantly, How to make them feel like they want to stay with us (we can’t make anyone do what they don’t want to do already).

I grew up with my mum and my sister, which allowed me to understand women a lot more, or at least speak their language and comprehend their intentions.

I reached a moment near the end of my “Pick-up career” when I discovered that people like to be entertained. None of my relationships where deep relationships. I was unable to share any depth.
I could share insights, I could share jokes and make them laugh, I was quick on my feet to understand how social dynamics worked.

BUT, when time came to move on to the next level, even if I wanted it… I was unable to fully open up.
Not because I didn’t want to, but because I couldn’t. I was completely unaware of the depths of why I felt the way I felt. Like a hungry moron sitting at a fish and chips shop eating and eating until his belly explodes because he doesn’t know what full feels like.

I needed to discover myself and understand myself fully before engaging with any girl. I can explain how in another article. But for times sake, I’ll say this:

In order to be a man, we must first understand our personal sensitivity. It helps us to be in sync with who we are and who we’re attracted to. Once we know our feminine side, we must go all in with our masculine side. Our feminine side will underline/contrast our masculinity. And in order to understand our masculinity, we must become highly aware of it in order to empower and fortify it.

A boy should not enter the dating game before he has fully discovered himself. At the risk of traumatising girls and wasting everyone’s time. It is only once he has fully understood that a relationship comes as a sense of responsibility and deep care for the other persons well-being. It’s an agreement to step fully in to your Masculinity, while she steps fully into her Femininity. It’s an assignment to do what you do best,
be the man.

Otherwise, you have to balance out your internal duality of Masculinity and Femininity. And it’s tiring to do something which isn’t meant for us. It’s not entirely natural for a man to be feminine and a woman to be masculine. You’ll notice that consistent people are very rarely out of character in reference to their gender.

A boy shouldn’t attempt to love a woman if he doesn’t fully understand how to be a man, and which role he play’s best. Otherwise the woman he is with will end up picking up his end of the work. She’ll have to step into her masculinity, which is stressful for her. If a woman lets a boy in, he will like a feral cat, rip the bedsheets, tear the curtains, shit on the rug, and eat up all her food.
By all means, don’t shit on the rug! Don’t shit on the doorstep.

A woman is a person whom you must protect and cherish, she will keep you aligned with your role as a man, and she will keep you growing. If you can’t suffer the growing pains, what makes you think you can waste her time? The growing pains can come as Nagging, and being whiny, and asking for more, and testing your limits to see if you can maintain a cool disposition and get shit done.

Are you man enough to understand what is demanded of you? She is helping you to evolve to become your best self. She is highly perceptive of you and she is very clear about what triggers you. Like a dog sniffing out your fear, she senses what triggers you. But if she triggers you, – you already know what’s coming don’t you?- if she triggers you, she has power over you! It’s up to you to master yourself enough to not get triggered.

A woman wants her man to be the best version for himself and for herself. She is the emotional captain the owner, and you are the Chief executive officer. You execute and you do it well.
Or let me ask you? Are you in a relationship to just knock her socks of and then fuck off next door to fuck her best friend? If you’re only in it for the sex, you’re a boy and not a man.

Have empathy and care for the people you encounter and exchange with, especially if it’s intimate.

People may be oblivious as we live in a culture of over-sexualised “icons” preaching that it’s ok to just go out and f**k… though sharing your sex life with someone has effects on your mind, your well-being. Who you let into your life can change your entire internal balance. Chose wisely.

If you liked this article, feel free to support my writing with buymeacoffee 🙂

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