Social pressure doesn’t enable creativity, it rather gets in its way

 

Starting with Greeks a very long time ago, not participating in society
would cast us aside and one would be heavily criticised for not participating in the group. Thus having more of a private life, we would be defined as useless. This is where the word “idiot” stems from.

While its origins came from the criticism of private people who kept to themselves in Ancient Greece, today the word idiot seems more of a reductory adjective about how stupid or lacking we are in the mind department. It’s difficult not to see how the word has defined an entire culture against any introverted activities which require being on one’s own in order to create. A culture, which doesn’t value introspection and dreamery, time to ponder and create at one’s natural rythme.

In my last article, I made a reference to Vincent Van Gogh, in Range by David Epstein.
In Range, David writes about how Vincent spends most of his life trying a vast number of practices, tries many career vocations before coming back to his childhood desire of drawing. Vincent had been heavily criticised in childhood about how he drew and this had created an anti belief about his skillset. His creativity was stifled because he believed he needed to live up to others standards. One night during a storm, Vincent discovers his talent and pleasure of working with paint and the rest is history. Though lived most of his life shunned and feeling a failure. This same process of late discovery David talks about in his book is one that many writers encounter later on in life, after having had adventures and experiences to form who they are and discover what they like. Which solidifies their self identity as an artist afterward.

Although being called an idiot might have made us feel fear that the entire community would ostracise us in Ancient Greek times. Today, keeping to one’s self is still regarded by many as something wrong. Though, something which wasn’t clear in that era was the amount of people who need that private time to themselves for the creation and the formulation of their creative process. Introverts, Artists, Creatives, anyone who needs to gather their thoughts because they’re sensitive to the world around them, who get over stimulated while in the hustle and bustle of everyday life. They all need one thing, Privacy.

In today’s world, too many people participate and not enough people listen. This makes for a noise like experience and saturates us. Where a town center would maybe hold 1000 people back in the day. Today our town center is social media platforms. Anyone with any desire to say anything can speak. Only this creates a sort of fog of stupidity which mutes anyone who has anything important to say but doesn’t necessarily have the desire to speak the loudest. This comes back to Rosa Parks during the civil rights movement in America. A silent calm voice holds a far reaching message.

While young 15 year old ticktokers rake in Millions of dollars for twerking and saying something “likeable” to the culture around them. “Likeable”, what others like. Not anything of value but something they like. Something which keeps them in their mental comfort zone.

Eating Greens wasn’t considered something I liked when I was young, but I still ate them, because they were good for me. The same goes for listening to counter points of view, different ideas, anything which shifts us out of our comfort zone. This morning
I started my day with a cold shower. It wasn’t nice at first, but I relaxed into it and came out feeling invigorated.

All this to say that in today’s world, saying something that people like will make you instantly famous, while what you’re saying doesn’t even need to make sense. While people saying sensical things will seem dull and boring because it’s not exiting or exotic will make you an outcast and you can potentially lose your position. ahem, ahem… Jordan Peterson…

Anything which isn’t bitesized, condensed, devoid of hard work and meaning, even sensical and grounded isn’t interesting to anyone who was born with a smartphone in their hand. This leads me to the thought of people discovering the outside world.

Where we had childhoods outside, in the countryside, discovering, imagining, playing, cycling, climbing etc.. Anyone born with a smartphone directly developed the inner world with virtual scenery and adventures but no sense of grounding or reality.
They didn’t actually have the adventures, they didn’t experience the muscle aches, the cold rain, the setting of dusk, the wind upon their faces, the experience of physical competition while running faster than their friend etc. This lack of external development makes for people who are solely dependant on their phones. Whom, might even be scared to go out for physical adventures. This makes for people who are dependant on notifications and cannot spend time on their own.

Though increasingly, as we advance through time, real values and respect of the human condition takes a backseat. Money becomes more important, and anyone who doesn’t fit the traits of societies successful pioneers are shunned and outcasted. Doing stupid things in flashy colours, with loud dramatic music and visuals which supposedly catches attention is valued. Is our society full of Stupid people or is it full of idiots?
Obviously there are idiots (people who need private time to create), but the level of stupidity is high and the number increases daily.

I’ll be an idiot for now and let the cloud of stupidity pass. Maybe we’re in the morning of our lives and it’s still early in the age of internet. Maybe this fog will pass when they run out of hot air, we’ll go towards a more productive society where people share meaningful content rather than attention grabbing nonsense. Maybe.

For now, stupidity and idiocy are two different things in my mind. But I will let stupidity pass so I won’t have to strain myself to talk louder than the next…

Wikipedia:

“As early as 1856, have interpreted the word “idiot” as reflecting the Ancient Athenians’ attitudes to civic participation and private life, combining the ancient meaning of ‘private citizen’ with the modern meaning ‘fool’ to conclude that the Greeks used the word to say that it is selfish and foolish not to participate in public life.

“It is certainly true that the Greeks valued civic participation and criticized non-participation. Thucydides quotes Pericles’ Funeral Oration as saying: “[we] regard… him who takes no part in these [public] duties not as unambitious but as useless””

Embracing creativity over pursuing money.

It’s very easy to get caught up in the easy exchange of effort and time against a small amount of money or even a large one. But if we give in to the exchange, we also have to acknowledge that our time and energy are less precious than the money we receive.

We believe we have options most of the time, given the circumstances we experience.
Our heads are “swollen” with the illusion of material abundance and security and the only tangible power we believe we have comes in the form of money, a value that everyone seems to enjoy.

Most often, landlords would rather call the police if you’re not paying the rent,
rather than believe in the bigger picture of your creative schemes. “Money will come,
I just need time…

We then doubt our vision and our creative process, because we know we are “capable” of holding a job which would take up most of our time and energy. If we give in to the idea of taking a job, it goes against everything our vision and belief system stands for.
It also makes clearly abundant that seeking a job is a clear translation of the fact that doubt rules your life, rather than a confident belief that what you are striving for will make sense in the long run.

Although this “hold on until the storm passes” attitude, based of beliefs, also has downsides. And one doesn’t decide to be creative, they simply are. It would be far easier to chose a good University, passing a diploma, getting a “secure job” and working until you can kick your shoes off and live by the beach… But that doesn’t work for a creative. Being creative has downsides one must acknowledge and accept first and foremost, because they define how the individual functions. If I was to say “FLY!”, you’d look at me and think I was bonkers. This is because Flying isn’t part of how you function as a human-being. The distinction of how an individual functions also applies for people.
We are all singular and no two people are alike, even if they are identical twins!

As a creative, I often encounter a downside with jobs, but most specifically any action or intention to directly pursue money. I cannot keep it up, it saturates me beyond sanity. My creative juices stagnate and I feel numb. I start to see the cogs in the machine of how the business works and it gets as repetitive as Taylorism.

The blind pursuit for money isn’t sustainable for me. My nervous system seems to be a highly sensitive tool. One too sensitive for the ups and downs of the markets, the hustle and bustle of everyday jobs or anything which doesn’t require inner growth?

It does however require me seeking to understand things in my own way, at my own speed. Letting curiosity and interest drive me towards a personal comprehension of such and such focus, undisturbed by external deadlines or the possibility of being fired or expelled if the results I discover aren’t enough.

All of this means that, jumping through hoops to please a hierarchy doesn’t work well for creatives. Success and fame and anything related to “making it” in the world,
simply aren’t compatible with sensitive independents with the need to go at their own pace and discover the fruits of their own path. Pursuing money head on will simply result in being miserable. What creatives do need to pursue though is any form of quality creative outputs and developing inner confidence around their expressive skills.

As an introvert pointing out the difficulties I experience, agoraphobia comes to mind. Not that I am scared of anyone in particular, but that my nervous system gets triggered simply by going shopping for a couple of hours. I get home, put the shopping away and get into bed. My body has considerably tensed up since only a few hours prior when I was leaving the house. And this is a recurring pattern I get anytime there is a social event, or simply being seen outside the house. Hence why I run at night.

I am not able to “Force” things, and force an outcome to “become” what I want it to be.
To go out and get it, demands more energy than I have and I’ll end up sleeping more than regular people.

As much as this leads to energetic despair, there are solutions which can be remedied as long as we have freewill and the capacity to endure moments of doubt.

And where the hell is my freewill in all of this?!

Having a strong will, being told what to do can prove difficult. Though, there are two sides to not wanting to be told what to do. The first can stem from fear and often goes a little like “Because someone in my past has hurt me and somehow they were in a position to tell me what to do, and they abused that power. Now I don’t listen to anyone, because only I know best.” We can thank our parents we are so strong…
Or, we have a strong vision and from repeated experience we learn to cancel out the noise everyone around us tends to make while they project their fears, and negative experiences upon the outcome of our path (which is an entirely different one with different skills, different beliefs and different perceptions…).

Though having a strong will and being creative can seem incredible, this also has a downside. I cannot force myself if I don’t want to do something. As I’ve learn’t to listen to my higher self and to listen to my body and what I feel. I often find that doing something I don’t want to do, is more reflective of my intuition telling me not to do it, than it is me being lazy. But this leads to a larger questions…

Why don’t I want to do that specific thing? Is it a fear or actual conscious decision making? And Are my fears ruling the outcomes of what I am striving for?

A while back I read a good quote, and if I remember it correctly, it resembles something like:

” The need for radical independence comes from trauma/ or unrecognized hurt.”
I’m probably butchering the quote, but it goes something like this.

I have the knowledge in mind, I have the understanding, and I can take action upon what I want to do. Though when it comes to being consistent, my nervous system sends me to bed beyond stressed. It’s a nightmare. Being locked in a prison of beliefs I cannot seem to alter. And believe me, I spend all of my time focused on digging deep into my belief system to understand why I’m the way I am.

How can I change my physiological beliefs in order to change the outcome of how my body reacts? And is that even possible?

A few years back, I read about NLP and The game. The idea of practicing something entirely counter-intuitive gave the actors of the practice outcomes and entirely different results than they were initially getting had they not engaged in it. Though this begs more questions:

Do we have a natural, base-line state, which is normal and comfortable for us? A state, which, once we let go, is sustainable. Not a state which, if we stop maintaining effort, crumbles away and leaves us with what we initially had (which counters the concept of effort.).

In order to discover if I had a baseline state, I decided to go find my rock bottom,
which I like to call walking through fire. I wanted to find my lowest point to see what I was made of, and ultimately what would stick.Walking through fire has the characteristics of burning anything or anyone who isn’t supposed to be in our life.
This can also translate as a process in order to see who’s real or not. I believe everyone goes through it at some point. Though, I also believe that the earlier we go through it, the easier life is in the long run. Imagine learning to walk when you’re old as opposed to when you’re young, if you fall your bones would break and the recovery time would take forever. It’s better to discover if we have a soul early on in life rather than the 10 last minutes of our life. It makes for a more harmonious journey.

And even though it opens your eyes to what works and what doesn’t, thus cutting away the superficial unproductive relations, activities, paths, we once thought we needed, but no longer do. It opens up a more adapted, harmonious, peaceful approach to living our life, in sync with who we are.

To the external eye, the idea of narrowing down our opportunities and enlarging our depths in specific areas can seem near stupid. Especially in a world where More is admired, and less is just… well less. But this perception doesn’t work for everyone, especially those of us who enjoy more minimalist type lifestyles.

So what can we do to survive in a world which wants more, when what you create is enough, but not for others?

Hatching down on one’s vision and holding tight to that north star can do wonders.
Obviously, going down the rabbit hole and uncovering our Pandora’s box free’s us from living in illusion, but also disables the generic life “everyone” else seems to have. We become specialists about ourselves. After narrowing down what suits us better, doing anything and everything doesn’t fit anymore. This is a good thing. It’s like having a generic supermarket suit and a tailor made Italian suit. One fits perfectly and it even makes us feel good as a result, while the other makes us look shabby and out of place.
It comes down to consciousness.

With the narrowing of external opportunities, other dimensions open up within between our ears. Which, in contrast, opposes anything forced and unflowing. In other words, trimming off anything which doesn’t enable flow. Meaning, having the ultimate circumstances for peak condition productivity. So, cutting away the trivial stuff which doesn’t make 100% sense and align with who we are is actually good if we want to be productive.

I’m all for Forcing circumstances in my favor, but every time I do I seem to make my life worse. It’s when I don’t do anything at all and let life happen that my life gets better.
I.e. Letting go of control./ focussing on what I’m curious about/ doing what is natural for me.

All of this enables creativity… it helps to materialize / manifest circumstances. It also confirms that supporting my vision is more important than brute force, to confirm to others that I’m doing something. By investing time, energy and even money into creativity and believing in myself, I’m almost garanteed to succeed in creating an art through my prefered medium of expression.

Then it comes down to external factors. Other people’s expectancies and how much time you have to be in an illimited fram of mind without others enforcing what they want you to do on you. It comes down to protecting your personal space and attention.

In a recent interview by Tom Bilyeu, Seth Godin explains the lengths to which Miles Davis, a wildly reknown jazz artist, became bitter as he became a Rockstar.
In becoming so he could no longer simply create his art. The subtle nuance here is that, once you become a commodity, or once you become a product, your creativity is no longer demanded, it’s simply about production and execution rather than the creative process. Which translates as your endurance being more important than your individual spark. The repetition of something meant to only last the time of its initial experience drains all form of emotion from it.

You know when you find a song that makes you feel a certain way, and you love the transcending bubble of euphoria you experience in it’s discovery. But, then you repeat it over and over and over, and after a week the song makes you nautious.

The letting go of emotion is a onetime thing. The process is the same everytime.
But the emotion its self is different due to it being more of less deep within you,
and different synaptic connections at different levels attached to things more or less important to you.

This leads to the inevitable conclusion that individuality and authenticity cannot be captured and reproduced without losing creative magic. In order to create art one has to be unknown, invisible or at least not pressurized and forced to produce results by any external influence. Which is the exact opposite of a job. Creativity thrives in freedom.

Another idea comes to mind where Jim Carry expresses he wishes everyone can be rich and famous to see that being rich isn’t the solution. And many other examples come to mind.

Adam Westbrook in his Vimeo micro-series narrates the beautiful concept of Painting in the dark. I found these videos around 7 years ago, while I was still in school. Westbrook describes that in order to create a masterpiece, one has to be willing to not have any recognition for a long time. Leonardo DaVinci and even Vincent Van Gogh(whom I’ve also read about in “Range” with the example of him trying a vast number of things before finding painting as his preferred medium of expression) spend years being unsuccessful and near invisible as failures in the eyes of society.

The idea that something is an obligation and forcefully done, takes away the magic in the creation process. We become somewhat dependent on performing at a standard others set, rather than letting the creativity and inspiration surge on it’s own, when its ready.

In a previous post, I explained how the quality of the information and the quantity mattered just as much, if not more than the output. Just like when we eat food, eating quality food will give us better health and well-being. Force feeding our minds, just like ducks are forcefed for foigras, leads us to over-saturate and produce on time,
but not at the quality we’d hope for, or with the well-being we seek.

Creation needs an subtle ecosystem. In order to preserve this micro-climate of creativity, the ecosystem needs to function in a rather specific way. In Flow, Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi explains the idea of creating a perfect environment where the capacity to be in flow is promoted and supported. Without it, flow gets disturbed from external circumstances. The capacity to create and be inspired is tampered with. As if living in a bubble of creativity. The creator environment must meet specific criteria.

Though, this criteria may change for everyone, I need heat, silence, air, electricity,
Wi-fi, privacy and space. Comfort doesn’t hurt but won’t stop me from ideation.
In idea creation, I generally need to be doing anything but searching for ideas or work.

Having said this, the pressure of having a day job can be disturbing to the fragile and delicate ecosystem of creation and lead the creative’s ideation process to get stressed and produce a lesser result than that of a natural process. Especially if the creative is sensitive.

A lot of writers tend to express Seth Godins idea of “Just Shipping“. Though, I find this process to be a forceful abstraction from where I stand on a creative level. I need to let my curiosity wonder. I follow my curiosity and it leads me down rabbit holes which hold nuggets of information I wouldn’t be able to use had I not followed the childlike curiosity to discover. Then, when I’m out of that creative mindset, I sit and edit patiently for hours on end, until I’m satisfied with the results of my ponderations and criticism. That’s grit.

After reading A technique for producing ideas by James Webb Young in my early twenties. I discovered how my personal creation process functioned.

1) Research:

Deep need to seek information related to current problem/subject. Digging into subjects. Reading. Listening. Etc. The sponge process where my mind imbibes every possible new idea and concept I didn’t know about yet. I do this over a period of time. I compound overtime and I then reach a…

2) Stagnation point.

Where my mind has had enough of researching. This is the time where I’m supposed to let go. Like Sherlock Holms or Dr. House, the process of searching is the same. They have an intense period of research where it gets serious. Then something gets intense and they…

3) Let go.

I personally go for a run or a bike ride or a walk in order to change my mind.
I also get these moments in the shower too… Dr. House plays with a ball, or gets caught up with something entirely different like speaking to his friend Wilson and while bouncing ideas of Wilson, House gets his “AHA moment“. The same goes for Sherlock Holmes, a case comes up, they do a little research, gather clues, then get caught up in something trivial which seems entirely opposed to the case and “AHA!

4)Capture:

Once you have your AHA moment, write the core idea(s) down and let them flow onto paper. Or if you’re unfortunate like I am write them down on your phone while you’re cycling as to not forget them. When I’m fortunate enough to be at home,
I create a relaxed environment where I have heat, some music which appeals to me, and completely forget about the world. The music often gets me to enjoy and not have the impression of working. In that moment I write down all enlightened ideas which come to me.

5) Develop: Write drunk, edit sober.” Ernest Hemingway.

Your enlightened ideas are maybe brilliant, but you also have to transform them into coherent understandable language for other people. My creative language is that of ideas, that doesn’t mean my ideas are directly translated into a language everyone else understands. Which leads to correcting the content of my thoughts into consumable information people can understand and sometimes making it a little longer with examples so people can grasp what I’m on about.

If anything, the creative process tends toward letting our mind do all the work and if we could just get out of the way… I often find that I have to restrict myself from social expression with friends and even family in order to transfer the need to express myself into writing form. If I have access to too many friends, I get caught up with what they want to do. Expressing my ideas to them becomes hot air. While I cut off from people, my only medium of expression is writing or maybe some form of audio, which makes for better creativity and capturing ideas.


If you liked this article, drop a comment and tell me what you thought.

Here are Adam Westbrooks micro series on “painting in the dark”
https://vimeo.com/84022735
https://vimeo.com/87448006
https://vimeo.com/151128399

Why do I constantly lack energy?



Energy, like fuel in a car, can be considered one of the most important assets we have in our day to day lives. Directly intertwined with health and wellbeing,
having energy enables us to overcome, stand up against, strive for or simply enjoy life.

Though, sometimes, we find ourselves entirely devoid of energy for no apparent reason. It’s as if something is disabling us. We can’t find the strength to go forward, or even focus on a single line of a book. We then stare at the ceiling or our instagram feed and we go into zombie mode. Going for a walk doesn’t change anything, in fact we feel more depleted after the walk than we did before going.

It’s as if there is something wrong with us. Are we sick? Did we concoct lime disease? What the hell is going on?!

In 2013 I had a severe burnout. I was working 40 to 50 hours per week at a Job I enjoyed. Surrounded by luxuries and luxurious people, I felt proud and was doing well. I thought.

Then came the burnout.

My entire internal view had shifted. Where I felt joy and pride in going to work. I felt tired and even dirty, despite many showers, per day… I couldn’t muster the enthusiasm to make the same sales I had only a month prior. My recovery rate felt much slower. My dialogue had become a bit wonky and I had more trouble than normal speaking with my habitual ease of flow and eloquence. I felt tired. I felt depleted. In fact, nothing I could do helped. I tried coffee, sugar, reading interesting content, running more ( I was already running about 10k per day), eating more spinach and greens and testing my diet. Nothing seemed to help.

Because simply put nothing I was doing was enough to change my energy.

What was going on, was a lot deeper than I could comprehend at that moment in time. It was as if my entire reality had shifted and I was experiencing some “Karmic” backlash from the universe. Though, I hadn’t done anything wrong.
I was engulfed into a sea of emotion I had no idea about, and which prior I wasn’t exposed to. I was more calculated before.

Even if it felt Karmic, it was psychological. My brain was functioning well, I was healthy, nothing could explain what I was going through. Except this.

I was experiencing deep emotions from childhood. And my entire reality was being questioned by the actualisation I was now exposed to, living out in the world.

Psychological inheritance was being unanchored from the bottom of my psyche, and let loose, with it years of pent up emotion which had been bottled up prior to this experience.

Powerless, I found refuge at home with my parents. Unable to explain the intensity and difficulty I was experiencing. I had to find allegories to give a similitude of example to what I was going through. I simply couldn’t find anything I could relate to in the real world. Because, I had never really put words on, let alone accepted my childhood.

With all these emotional occurrences, my energy was concentrated in one place. Stuck in dealing with the subconscious problems arising. Shifting my foundations from the ground up. Have you ever tried moving a mountain? Well my subconscious was moving the mountain I am. My entire view point, life, experience.

I was forced to live with a disabling perception of life for at least 5 years, until I found the capacity to delve deep into my past with a coach and find the schematic mishap which had happened while I was working.

Something had happened in childhood, the emotion I was experiencing under the surface was way too powerful for me to put words on it, let alone feel it and understand it. My natural inclination had been to find an easier path.
With the easier path, I was forced to see life in a way I had never experienced prior.
I had to adapt. And in the adaptation, I found my way back to my initial path.

Though in terms of energy. The concept that we’re lugging around the past, in very unconscious ways isn’t without effort. We’re carrying the mountains we’re supposed to climb so to speak.


Another example, my sister came back this Christmas, and although we love each other very deeply, we also have our differences in opinion and perception. Though, not to point a finger because this is nothing to do with her, the emotions I felt in childhood, due to feeling unhappy or some sort of childhood trauma, then became a present struggle in her being here now. I was faced, again with her presence, which I found destabilizing, and the emotion which had been bottled up from childhood had been disabling for me all these years. She isn’t the person creating an energy blockage for me, nor is she an energy vampire. The blocked emotion is within me and is simply coming to the surface to been let go of and accepted as such. In the moment of all of this happening, I felt very low, as if I had hardly any energy. This is most likely why everyone feels tired at Christmas. Coming to terms with family dynamics and the deep work happening under the surface…

21/01/21 Edit: I’ve found that when I lack energy, its generally because of one of few things. Either I’m overpressurising myself to live up to an ideal I’m striving for which most likely is to do with someone else’s standard. Or, I have a fear I’m unconscious of which is dictating the way I perceive things.

DHL The foot in the door policy

Today, we’re ever so careful as to who we let into our intimate worlds, even though we expose everything about them for likes and follows.

Though, lately, I was struck by a particuliarity brutal knock at the door, and I mean litterally and metaphysiaclly…

A driver came to my door and asked for me to pay for The equivalent in taxes to the price of the product I had ordered online.

I had purchased a package online and I was exited to receive it, especially for the price I purchased it. Okay, it was a pair of optical glasses… okay..

The point though, is how I managed to pay for a pair of glasses and then have to pay for the equivalent price at my door. Well, I didn’t technically pay for anything I refused the package. But the concept that others will accept the package and accept to pay outrageous taxes isn’t too far outside of reality.

While, I stand up for myself and even get angry at any form of injustice, even to my own detriment. Other’s, less informed, or less temperamental, might get conned into the idea they should pay for what they ordered even if its a scam.

The concept is this.
1) You order your product from an online store. So far so good.

2) Great news, your product is a whole lot cheaper than elsewhere.

3) No delivery fee’s? How is this possible in the magic world we live in? I’m walking on air! So you go through and put your credit card in. Your order is validated.

4) After a few days, you receive an email confirming that your package has been sent to you and will take X days. In their email, a little form with minute detail will show the price of product and also that the taxes haven’t been payed for the product. In a big message, the company tells you that no organisation asks for money or payment.

5) After 2 or 3 days, DHL will contact you and tell you that they are awaiting payment. You don’t think anything of it, as in your first email no one asks for money.

6) You receive an sms, then another, then an email.

7) You decide to call them and ask them to send it back to the company, because there is no way you’re going to pay 28 Euros in taxes, while a pair of plastic glasses cost 30 before benefit. No way on earth I’m paying 50% taxes. Even if the product comes from America. You explicitly tell them, that the order is a mistake and that you wish to cancel order and get refund. They guarantee you that the company will do so.

8) A strong knock at the door the next morning. A DHL driver in your face at 9 in the morning, with a package and a slight smerk on his face. Like some sleezy second hand car salesman. You refuse the package with a subtle and well handled “I already called DHL and the guy on the phone said it would be sent back.” The driver responds: “Just in case you changed your mind”. So he was intending to try to get me on an ill prepared weakness. Just in case, I wasn’t prepared to say no and doubted my decision.

9) 2 weeks later, the company still hasn’t refunded me and tells me that the package was sent by mistake and wasn’t charged. Only, the package was..
And even though 30 isn’t a big thing to worry about. I’m slightly angry at the idea that such a sleezy company -*ahem *eyeglasses.com*, sorry I needed to clear my throat for a second- could get away with someone else’s money. Or even DHL delivery service could ask for the same amount in taxes than the company for the product.

DHL will come to your door, they will put your parcel in a limbo like space where, if you don’t pay, they will remain in possession of it. A little like an ultimatum.
You don’t want ultimatums in your life, or people who do ultimatums.
And if you don’t pay, you can’t have your order.

Don’t give your money to just anyone in this new year…

Stay away from DHL, and boycott eyeglasses.com.


Stay safe, be well, happy new year.

You can’t strive for a career and have enough mental ressources to succeed as an entrepreneur at the same time.

Get a job they said, it’ll be fun they said…
Study a career they said, it’ll be fun they said…

I’m about to stop you right now. I was 19 when I made the decision to follow my heart and discover, no matter what it took. Granted I was following the words of our mutual friend Benjamin Franklin..

… and granted, I was severely lacking in confidence. Even if my clarity came though moments where my confidence was more like a grandiose summit I’d reach before plummeting back down into the valley of doubt and wondering.

All this to say that where you are today reflects the choices you made 10 years ago.
Maybe I am rehashing someone’s quote, I have searched but could not find the author or it sadly.. But the point is that if today, you are somewhere you don’t like, it’s probably and most likely because you were following other peoples idea’s of what success means, or trying to succeed in their eyes, or that you weren’t listening to yourself. Or any other number of reasons…

Today, if you have a day job, I consider that to be a disadvantage. Not from the vantage point of trying to survive, obviously it would be foolish and stupid to say that having a job today is a bad thing if it puts a roof over your head. But that isn’t the point of this article nor of this blog and if you’re triggered, you’re missing the entire point.

In today’s world, having a day job is a disadvantage, especially when it comes to the creative pursuit. If you want to live a life of freedom, then you’ll need to act accordingly. I won’t forget that it’s important to have a balance of freedom and something important that you work for, a sense of passion, instead of something you hate that puts food on the table. Ultimately you’ll waste a lot of life doing something you didn’t want to do…

Obviously we all want money, or you’re probably in denial if it isn’t the case.
But, if you trade having the security of 200euros per month from a job which pays you 1200, then you’re not going to be able to use that 200 other than to soothe the pain you create making it through long hours of hard-work for someone else.
Not to mention, when you quit your job, you won’t have much of a security other than what you’ve been able to save away.

Now, trading the security and social pride of having a secure position at a firm, which you’ve studied for years to ensure… for the unknown, to discover what it is that makes you tick, what makes you happy, what you enjoy, what you despise, etc.
Is obviously an expensive and risky… risk. But, knowing deep down that you have an intangible faith, a belief that you will triumph and overcome the obstacles, that you will succeed somehow, because you have some unspoken vision deep down underneath, changes your entire journey and ultimately will help you obtain it.
You’ll end up with the possibility of a cushy luxury life others can only dream of.

There are many times where you will doubt everything you’re going through, and wonder what the point of it all is. You’ll wonder why you’re even here, and you’ll even question the point of living. Though, that’s where the faith comes in…

Having a job, although it gives you a firm conviction that you’ve somehow made it, is a false illusion of security. You still have to get up in the morning to jump through a few hoops so you can prove you’re not an entirely worthless asset to the company. It won’t however build you the structure and confidence to stand on your own two feet and create what you envision.

If you want to take the bridge over to “entrepreneurship” and the “creative life”, you’ll have to come to terms with the painful reality that you’ll doubt and go through painful self reflection on a recurring basis. You’ll become a seeker, you’ll have to find ease with the difficulty you go through on a daily basis.
Questioning family patterns, group patterns, facing isolation, facing your own doubts and judgements, having to look at why you feel down, why you feel bad, why you feel like shit. You’ll question everything. If crossing the bridge to get to the creative life is something you consider, try considering living with your family and getting on with them first, consider going through the burning pits of hell and then having to scramble back to the “socially acceptable box” you fell from to then aim higher, consider losing everything you know and love and your notoriety and material possessions, and the list goes on…

But, if all the possible things you’ve considered are worth going through to achieve your vision, what you’re hoping for… In that case, there is hope and combined with the faith you fortify along the way, there is possibility to endure…

Another point, because tonight I’ve decided to bash jobs a tad more than usual, is that while you’re on the job your mind is focussed on solving problems you’ve given. You’re given ressources to solve the problem, which means that your mind is busy churning out solutions or searching for them like a micro factory.
Your mind is then saturated for anything you want to focus on outside of work, in fact your entire energy ressources will be based upon and invested in something going the other way. Even a year after or two even, your mind will still have knowledge from focussing on those problems. I’m all for having an eclectic knowledge, in fact I pride myself upon having multiple sources and multiple allegories like in “Range”… but… if your primary focus isn’t upon building your internal vision, you’ll end up going in a direction which isn’t entirely of your choosing.

“Don’t quit. Never give up trying to build the world you can see, even if others can’t see it. Listen to your drum and your drum only. It’s the one that makes the sweetest sound.” —Simon Sinek

It takes time, and you’ll wonder what weird pipe you went down, but ultimately, you’ll discover that the freedom you inherit from stepping out of the known trodden path will lead you to higher hights than you could have ever imagined, according to the fact you believe in yourself enough to do so…

A Christmas Iteration

First of all, if I don’t start by saying Merry Christmas, I will probably forget.
And as it is Christmas after all, I can’t help but wish you a wonderful day full of surprises, good health, wealth and family.

But as I’ve decided I’m all business this afternoon, I won’t touch much more about Christmas while I’m writing this article.

Today, I awoke at five in the morning. Though, although, I always have a childlike disposition and propensity to go check at the door of my room for the stocking full of presents (family tradition), my first intention was to appreciate my morning while no-one was awake.

I found myself on the other side of a perspective I’d normally just witness. I went down stairs, to find the Christmas tree dark in a cold room. The lights were off and the heating also. Christmas hasn’t been feeling like Christmas, at all this year.

Maybe for good reason. I’ve evolved, I’m not simply in the backseat anymore.
I feel as if I am in a position of control again. Though this time, instead of unconscious blind control within the illusion of an unobserved life, I find myself having examined the deeper recesses of what made me tick and why.

I found myself, clearly and consciously thinking, not simply acting without thought.

This morning, instead of waiting for others to come and make the environment nice. I took action upon what I would have liked for myself and created the situation. The intention to enlighten, and warm an otherwise cold and uninviting morning, became the enlightenment and empowerment of my intent through conscious thoughts. I took control and stepped up to the plate. While also getting a good headstart to the day.

This morning was a milestone in my journey.

I’ve succeeded in being in charge, not like a boss, but like a leader. Unpronounced go all the different variations of iterations which have gone unseen or unmentioned but have, accumulated overtime to confirm who I am today. The struggle, constant, enduring and sometimes overwhelming, bared its fruit this morning and consolidated a lifetime of effort and striving to do the right thing. Only this morning was different,
this morning was a turning point in my story. A long deserved, and long desired change in dynamics.

As much as I have held on to my childlikeness for a long time. Letting go and stepping into what seems to be an accepted adulthood is, if nothing else, an empowered state of childplay, only with responsability and empathy for those around insteaf of focussed solely on one’s self.

What affirmations did you use to overcome Imposter Syndrome, Limiting beliefs, and Achieve Success?

These questions are the result of a podcast I was invited on a few weeks ago.
I decided to share my answers in this PODCAST SHOW-NOTES Exclusive.

1. Did you have any limiting beliefs or imposter syndrome? 

Growing up, I’ve had many limiting beliefs, and I’ve experienced imposter syndrome. Though, I have found that imposter syndrome came from me not being where I needed to be. You know, there’s an article by Gary V which talks about how entrepreneurs ARE BORN, NOT MADE. Which explains the 5 main points of what entrepreneurs have within which are natural to them. Or at least they’ve been exposed to it enough to bring out what is inside of them.

So, These 5 traits are:

  • Salesmanship. 
  • A chip on your shoulder. 
  • An independent spirit
  • Understanding consumers and consumer attention
  • and Patience


When reading this article, I understood, I had all of these traits, and my cv underlined it, just as Steve Jobs said that it’s by looking backwards that we connect the dots. 

That’s when we see what our purpose is!

 1st Salesmanship. 

I went to sales school and it confirmed what I was, though I wasn’t any good with the academic aspect of it. I had a deep rebellious streak, which most entrepreneurs also have. It’s a childhood thing. Childhood experiences of a Father being away on business or starting business, but also experiencing the effects of their stressed characters while being behind scenes, which has effect on the way they treat those around them…

My father also has the ability to talk his way into and out of paper bags. Which I’d later confirm for myself on the field while working for a Jeweller selling Swarovski and Pandora to clients: I had the same gift of the gab too.

2nd Having A chip on your shoulder.  

I cannot remember a time where I didn’t have a chip on my shoulder. I’ve Aways had a deep need to prove I’m better. NOW This is early, I remember when I was 5 at the playground, asking my mum if I was the best. I was born into a certain amount of luxury, though only to the outside eye. On the inside, at home, we’d have to experience pain and cold, and struggle. So, I grew up believing that we had money, when we didn’t. Which was a real blow to the ego when I found out:  I was in fact poor. My mother fought tooth and nail for us to have what we wanted, despite having close to nothing herself. Which also gave me a deep need to succeed in life. I owe it to her, not like a debt, but like a mission. It’s like being part of the aristocracy with the people around you, yet living like paupers behind closed doors! I was also exposed to wealthy families along the way.my best friends would always have some amount of wealth or at least some sort of power in the world.So, I’d always have a sense of competitivity with my friends which wasn’t so healthy, despite having a good time….

Also, Simply the need to prove it to everyone, to stick it to those who didn’t believe in me, or who made me feel as if I wasn’t good enough from early adolescence onward. Its all an expression of childhood anyway.  But it all mounts up… 

3rd: An independent spirit.  

As for independence, I’ve always had the need for freedom. I’ve always and I mean Always needed to be an independent thinker. My mother told me I was running at the age of 11 months, and climbing up dangerous walls. 

She thought I’d be some sort of mountain guide in extreme situations. Because of all the situations I’d been in physically over the course of my life. Basically, it was just me searching for limitations, searching to push further, searching to do better. 

Later on in life there was only so much I could discover in the material tangible world, so I went inside. Luckily I am an introvert, so that helped. I’d search for the masculin structure a father could provide, or at least it was absent and so I’d push as far as I could go as a result to find limits. Distance, situations, anything… My father wasn’t home much, he was mainly at work. I’d always push everything to the extreme.
No father, means no identity. For a guy at least. Push that further and you’ll find that it’s a lack of reference. And you build your identity on your own. 

4 Understanding consumers and consumer attention

Understanding consumers is something I’ve done since the age of at least 16 while going into sales courses for example. Though understanding consumers on a deeper level, as well as their attention, I’ve always been pretty deep into psychology, as well as understanding others. This mainly started after I read The Game by Neil Strauss when I was 17. 

I started to dig into mentalism and, Ericksonian hypnosis and other techniques and methods. All in the name of love and understanding how to get a girlfriend. Of course, with age you understand that you don’t need to force interactions, they occur naturally…. Though, mainly understanding customers and their desires.This started to occur when I worked at victoria Magdalena for a year while selling jewellery, and then on a much deeper level when I worked at Apple in customer service. These two jobs alone gave me more than enough understanding of how customers functioned and why they’d buy such and such products. Of course there would be influence to take into account too.

 5 Patience 

And of course, patience. This is something life puts you up to. It puts you in many situations where you’re continually tested. Of course, seeing the grander scheme of things, having patience is how you survive. Because if you make a false move, act too soon, or like in sales rush to see the customeror force them to buy. You’ll end up blowing any possible deals for them or for yourself.  


In retrospect, I’ve done a lot of work on myself to undo limiting beliefs. Why on earth would I’d feel paralysed, when time came to take action. I did have one massive limitation to get over despite having imposter syndrome. The Fear of Success. And for me it was very real. It was Crippling even. And before understanding why…. It made no sense at all, that I’d have such a fear within. Especially that I am success orientated, I am driven to succeed, I have an internal Drive for success. I need success’s in my everyday life…. I need to be proud of myself

Well, in moments where I’d feel completely paralysed by any possible action:
publishing my ideas, expressing myself in public, or simply being in collective settings…I’d somehow freeze.

Now, take into account that I’d had sales training, I’d applied “The Game”, I had success with girls, and I was pretty outgoing in high-school. Let’s say I wasn’t much of an introvert back then, go figure…

Fear of success comes from childhood situations with strong causation from parents over the effect of our mind long term. In other words, your parents affect your outlook.

Parents can be critical, get angry if you don’t live up to their unpronounced expectations and could shout out of the blue. Maybe they’re not very patient with you, and could project their fears and experiences (what doesn’t work for them, surely won’t work for you – in their perception). Obviously, in their own way they are just trying to protect you the best they can, because those situations didn’t work out for them. So, it’s only naturel that they’d want to protect you with all they have from experiencing pain and hardship.

This produced in me the fear of people criticising me, the fear of exposing myself or my ideas, or I’d get angry with myself if I didn’t live up to what I set out to do. I’d put a lot of pressure on myself due to that. And in combination all these things would become a sort of paralysis On the road to aspire to one’s father,— As all kids do —.

I’d put the Hand-breaks on so to speak,  which would halt my course of action. This would leave me going round in circles.

In terms of imposter syndrome, I’ve found that what I am doing needs to be in sync with what I am thinking and aspiring to inside. If I am not aligned within and without, I will have the impression that what I am doing doesn’t correspond to what I am. My inner beliefs need to be translated into reality. That’s actualisation. It’s about my expectations. If you are engaged for a specific role, and you don’t have enough internal confirmation you’ll end up firstly doubting your actions, but also doubting everything you attempt.
Imposter syndrome — for me at least…—  vanished the second I started to strive towards my purpose and ambitions and taking matters into my own hands. Focussing on what you need to be doing stops imposter syndrome. Imposter syndrome arises when you’re not on the right path and you’re simply pursuing money for money’s sake. 

2. How did you overcome those false beliefs?

Coaching and following my intuition.

Coaching helped me have an unemotional mirror which would send me clear feedback as to what I was projecting, and unbiased information in order to evolve on specific topics. 

Developing my intuition — on the other hand— came from trial and error, testing my intuition over and over. Making mistakes over and over, just to see if I was right.
Just to confirm the feeling I had in my gut beforehand. 

3. What affirmations did you do to overcome those beliefs?

I haven’t found that Affirmations are entirely useful for me.


THOUGH…

I believe we are more like Onions unravelling, and with proper information we chose roles which are more adapted to who we already are. It’s a little like Simon Sineks golden circle in “Start with Why”. We go from inside to outside, not outside to inside,
with our why. 

Our lives have already been created and the pains we experience are already in us,
we’ve already experienced them, we just have to trigger them and let go in order to heal. Once we heal those pains, those hurts don’t make sense anymore, so we don’t repeat them. We’re not controlled by them.

We become free once we become conscious of something. You’ll find that you’re more of a consumer than a leader if you spend all your time taking from outside rather than giving from inside. And for this reason, you’ll find that if you are consuming all information, coming from outside of your own convictions and confirmations, you’ll be living through others instead of on your own volition. 

For me, life is a series of confirmations, when situations arise, It’s simply a matter of confirmation and observation. For the work I’ve done prior to the situation.

4. How helpful were those affirmations? 

I have found that writing what I envision and then coming back to it from time to time as a reference to remind myself has helped me enormously in becoming who I am. 
But that’s more like a map, a plan of where you want to go or what you want to achieve.

5. When people break down their limiting beliefs, they become unstoppable, more creative. Therefore, how do you define creativity? How creative are you in your business or life?

I define creativity as an energy, for me its a state of flow where what I envision comes out in writing, in speaking, in music, in ideas and visions or what I can draw or paint. 

I would say I am very creative. There’s a difference between creative for productive. These are two different things. Creative is the capacity to come up with ideas, to be stimulated and curious and driven to take action upon them. It’s like an energy switch. Like turning on a light bulb. The energy behind the switch is something you cultivate and then allocate to whatever outlet,- just like electricity.- I practice energetic transmutation, which is harnessing my sexual energy and focussing it towards my creative pursuits, or physical exercise like running or cycling. Productive on the other hand is execution, this depends on your state of health and your discipline to apply your creativity through one outlet or another.

6. Why some people lack in creativity while other don’t.

I believe that it’s something you confirm for yourself and then you practice or cultivate. It’s a little like your name. For example You’re called Dave since you’re young, therefore, your name isn’t up for question. You have confirmed it for yourself, you’re confident that your name is Dave. Creativity is a little similar. You harness it while young and continu to believe in your creativity. You’ve ticked off that box. Now, I’ve had a long moment in life where I wasn’t being creative, though I wasn’t seeing it as creative. 

Everyone is creative, just differently. Some people make visual art like paintings or writing, sculptures for example. Others have an art which is more subtle,
like speaking or carrying themselves a specific way, or sports. Think about rappers for example. It’s an art and lifestyle. You have energy, let’s say you have 100 tokens of creativity per day. What do you invest those tokens in? You could either use your creative energy to produce art, and you’d be considered an artist or a painter for example. Or you could use that same energy and apply it to more left brained activities like maths, science or physics. And you’d be considered a physician, a mathematician, or a scientist… Your creativity would be considered the results of your equations and conclusions. I believe that it is part of how you define yourself while you’re young too, and what you fortify through repeated confirmations over the course of your childhood and adolescence. So, I believe people lack in creativity, because they’ve maybe not developed that side of themselves. Or simply they don’t lack in creativity at all, because the creativity we’re seeing isn’t expected as creativity. 

Writing a 12 page essay every week -for example- for a law student,-Law students aren’t considered artists, but they practice their art.- that’s creativity, they’re creating a 12 page essay, they’re formulating structure and being creative in their capacity to visualise and translate their thoughts on to paper. 

7. Creativity means thinking outside of the box! is it True? or else what is your opinion on creativity?

Creativity can be thinking inside of the box. Parameters vary. You can be creative within a certain structure, or limitation which gives you the possibility to create with X or Y outcome. Say for example I want to paint a painting, and the settings with which I’m aloud to create that painting are only black and gold paint.
That is the box I’m aloud to create in. That is creativity. 

It is also true for the contrary, say you’re not aloud to use the colour gold or the pigment black, but you’re aloud to use all the others, That is thinking outside of the box for example. Or simply using other types of materials in order to produce an outcome. Creativity when applied to business is problem solving at its finest. Having a Box is like having a plan. I think it was Eisenhower who said, 

“No battle was ever won according to plan, but no battle was ever won without one.” 

I believe this applies to creativity. We can either chose to paint within the box, or like rules we can disregard them… and simply create on inspiration. It depends on the means of expression.

8. How do you push yourself to think outside of the box?

Well, I’ve experienced being a rebel, and I’ve experienced being a rule follower. I believe pushing myself to think outside the box is Having a vision and wanting to achieve it, no matter what. I suppose, it’s caring to follow the imposed rules or structure, or not .. .

9. How often do you think outside of the box?

I’d say nearly everyday, though I don’t really have a box. I have visions. I actually enjoy parameters to think in. I believe I have achieved a pretty nice degree of freedom within my mind, which allows me to dream and drift. So, I don’t really have any limitations except for the rules on earth and society and of relations which are heavily important. If it comes to beliefs which I find limiting when I catch myself thinking them. I immediately ask myself if its true or if I can create a better belief for myself.

10. What motivates you to think outside of the box. 

What motivates me to think outside the box is the crowd. The IQ of the group, is the LOWEST IQ in the group. Let me say that again : The lowest IQ in the group is the IQ of  the group. What does that say for trends in collective society? Think tiktok… 


I hate being told what to do, but following my intuition and going against the current is something I aspire to. Simply because the decisions I make for myself, are better when I’m not influenced by the mob.Thinking outside of the box in the context of life
is simply a question of survival. There are structures which I find important, but following the rules everyone else has setup can prove to be unfruitful. Forging my own path and believing in myself is my way of thinking outside of the box. Simply because, in contrary, following what others tell me, that makes no sense to my life purpose.
Though, it is useful to sometimes use paths which have been blazed before you.
Over all, it’s a question of adapting to what is RIGHT for you.

11. When you think outside of the box, do you get the desired results you expected?

Life provides me with multiple special moments of subtle lucidity. But I know I can only get these moments, if I follow my intuition and my higher judgement. I haven’t yet been disappointed by life. Only by my own expectancies. Because I want it to happen now, instead of going through the process. And that comes down to the development of patience and not expecting, but doing your best in the present moment.

12. Do you get frustrated when your creative ideas don’t work? 

So far, I’ve found that I am an optimist. in this regard. I cannot remember any ideas which haven’t taught me something. I love to learn, and setbacks always have a silver lining. When I was younger, I’d get angry at myself for not living up to my standards and my expectations. But with time, I see that’s wasted energy– in that –its bad for one’s health. It’s just unproductive. So by finding a more harmonious  way of living and accepting myself, life has become fluid instead of forced. Therefore, frustration seeps away. 

13. What is the main reason people don’t try?

People don’t try because they don’t believe in themselves, or are in fear of the outcome. But better yet, like myself they may have a fear of success and the Trying of X or Y creates a sense of paralysis. People may not try for many reasons. Not believing in themselves, or their skills, or their capacity to overcome obstacles. Though, it can also be environmental; the people around us influence us much more than we know. Our entourage can make or break our belief and vision. It’s essential, if we want to achieve anything, to find a space to think and convince and confirm that what we are doing, we’re doing for the right reasons. Stepping away from people who don’t believe in your projects or ideas is essential, for your creativity as well as your wellbeing, and that of your ideas. 

14. What is the reason people give up after trying a few times?

Lack of pleasure in the doing of, lack of results in the achievement, or simply ‘lacking in faith’ that things will get better. I believe that if people give up after a few times, its mainly because they don’t find an accessible foothold in order to start climbing that mountain. They may get overwhelmed by the idea, the implications. It could also be because of the people around them. Criticising where they should be in support. Or voices inside their heads telling them that they are at risk. Telling them that they won’t make it. It’s a fear of death or the unknown. Which isn’t really valid, if we sit with it, it vanishes… Or there has been an instance of repeated pain maybe. 

And they have defined that situation, through the perception of a mindset which was biased with pain. It’s important not to write something off simply because we had a bad experience. But to observe if what we believed was written in stone a long time ago, is it still valid ? Or if a door hasn’t opened for us in the meantime, so we can explore it anew.

If my writing inspires you,
take a look at some of the books
which have inspired my writing.

GO TO LIBRARY

How to Create the ultimate 5 – 10 people list of people you admire and aspire to be around.


“You know how they say
“the 5 people you spend your time with influences who you become” ?”


Hi! Welcome to my blog, I hope this post finds you well in this festive and comfortable season!



You know how they say “the 5 people you spend your time with influences who you become” ?
Well, we don’t always have the possibility to chose the people we want to have around us. Right?

Wrong!

Until recently, the idea that my fate would be tied to my location, the people around me (whether I like them or not, or even if I aspire to them or not…) as well as their minds, was something which created a specific amount of anxiety for me. Not that I fear the people around me or my circumstances, nothing could be further from the truth. Although, I am particularly picky about the time I spend, the attention I give and the subjects I want to devote my time to…
Though, the idea that my life is influenced by those around me and I have no control over those around me can produce a specific amount of worry. I really don’t want to pick up on certain habits, certain mind process’s or ways that don’t suit who I am developing myself to be.

On the one hand, picking people for your life is essential. In the doing we underline the examples we wish to copy. Like monkey’s we pick up on speech patterns, body language and other such subtleties which have made an impression on us because we have either liked the person or disliked them.

Csikszent Mihaly explains in his book Flow that “attention is our most important tool in the task of improving the quality of experience.“. And deciding who and what we give our attention to influences our lives in many subtle and important ways!

If you live in a town, going out and meeting someone specific to spend time with might be a bit of a challenge. Although not impossible, the chances are slim that the exact right people you need will be on your path with the same distinct reasons as you.

In fact, you’d probably waste more time and energy out and about than you would proactively getting done everything on your Important x Urgent list.

Pam Thomas a high end mindset coach describes the concept of energy leakage in his article https://thriveglobal.com/stories/are-you-leaking-energy/

“Depending on how we spend our $100 of energy it’s possible to expend it in ways that create an energetic deficit. When we become energetically deficient we then have to borrow that energy from somewhere…maybe from our own cells (making us tired and susceptible to fear, self-doubt, etc.) or from someone else (making us needy or dependent).”. In understanding that we only have a finite amount of energy per day, it becomes very clear that the attention we have (i.e. 100$ of energy) is better invested in activities which give back to us, individuals who are going in the same direction, or in something with a good ROI. (Sport, Education, meditation, personal development, healthy food, clear uplifting thoughts etc…)

In a recent GQ article on neuroscience, Dr. Lisa Feldman Barrett explains that our minds don’t function the way we think they do. How do we think our minds work? And with such a a variety of answers, how do we go about our everyday lives? On first hand, I’d bet that most people believe that the mind is made for thinking, stocking information… and alternatively the others don’t really wonder what the brain does at all… Though Dr.Barrett’s findings changes our understanding of how it functions and ultimately leeds us to driving our vessels in a more responsable and even more careful way. The concept of allostasis was proposed by Sterling and Eyer in 1988 as a process of reestablishing stability in response to a challenge. Barrett explains that our mind is merely a regulator, a controller to sustain our survival. “Every action you take (or don’t take) is an economic choice. Everything you think, feel, and do is a consequence of your brain’s central mission to keep you alive and well by managing your body budget.

This being said, you’re probably thinking we’re incredibly off topic. We’re not.

Taking in to account that some people leave us depleted and tired after spending time with them.
Some even go as far as saying specific people are “Energy Vampires”, or “Narcissists“.
Though, lets stay on topic, I nearly lost you a few moments ago…
We’d rather leave conversations with people, feeling empowered, feeling confident and bold, ready to take on the world, right?

So how do we achieve that?

How do we find the people we aspire to?

How do we encounter those so-called people we admire?

And how on earth do we create our team of smart, high achieving, high energy people?

  1. It all starts with Self: We start by focussing on ourselves. Focussing on ourselves is the surest of ways to discover what we like, what we dislike, understand how we feel about this or that, as well as discover what we’re curious about. And this takes time, investment, and even going through the nitty gritty emotions. YIKES, I know you’re hating me right about now.. But it’s true. Going through our nitty gritty emotions by ourselves over and over again is how we grow and ultimately overcome them.
    Be patient with yourself!

  2. Procrastination: Having spent a vast amount of time on naval gazing, as you might put it. I’d like to invite you to reconsider your perception of Procrastination. It is there for a reason, so no pressure, embrace it and learn to invite it into your life.
    I generally procrastinate when my energy is saturated, I’m tired or low energy, or I need to breath from the depths I immerse myself with complicated topics.

  3. FocusMate: Okay, this might perhaps be the most important part of this article. The tool which enables you, with the right perception, to network, to grow, to exchange, and also to stay where you are and save your energy for better things. You know, the productivity and creativity in pt.2 and the
    well-being I’m about to express in pt.4? Yes Ladies and Gentlemen, I’m talking about FocusMate.

    Focusmate is an online Website/App which is meant to help you with your productivity and stay distraction free, focussed on your goals. Thats the primary reason we use Focusmate.
    The secondary reason is not what it is programmed to do, but what is most beneficial to everyone you encounter. Smile, be Warm, be Yourself, and share. You might end up meeting some really interesting, upbeat people you’d never get the opportunity to encounter otherwise.

  4. Energy, energy, energy... Yes, we’ve talked about that a lot haven’t I?
    You’ll need energy if you want to produce, work, focus on anything.
    This means you’ll need good healthy food. This also means that you’ll need to channel the energy you do have into meaningful productive practices which give you an ROI. I’ll talk about this in my next article.

  5. Structure. Yes, in order to use everything I’m talking about and something you can rely on, you’ll need a structure a ‘goto’ reference which is tangible and malleable. For this, I use the good old Whiteboard, a written structured list compartmentalised and the help of some tools
    I will add at the end of the article.


By using these 5 points, I get to meet high energy, ambitious people on a daily basis. I attract them because I am myself on that high level frequency ( The exercises, The food help to develop the energy for this). And I’m able to do it often because I’m following a structure I created for myself which allows me to follow it even if I have no clue of what I’m doing that day or even feeling a bit hazy…



If you’re interested in my personal plan,
sign-up and I’ll send it to you for
FREE!

If my writing inspires you,
take a look at some of the books which have
inspired my writing.

GO TO LIBRARY


I thought I’d add some goodies:

Here are a Few Tools I like and use on a daily basis which get me to better focus, produce or simply keep track of what I’m doing or where I’m going.

Tools:

Create an Effective todo list: Learning how to create an effective todo list can prove invaluable. This article has been life changing in how it has effected my todo list creation. In that before I actually didn’t know how to create on effectively. I also added the notion of the Eisenhower Matrix in that I will only put what is urgent and important & important and not urgent.

https://www.notion.so/: So you need to go to the Office to have a physical layout of what needs to be done and what has been done? NO NEED! Notion is the perfect app for tracking and organising tasks, for business or simply for home. You can keep track of

https://habitshareapp.com/: You know how I talked about developing habits earlier on in the article, the concept that you can track your actions over the course of time and visualise your progress and
percentage of accuracy.

https://slack.com/: I’ve found that if you want to distribute a research, a message, and target a specific group of people, Slack is the best place to do so. Let me explain before you judge me as someone exploiting the indigenous tribes… While I was working on a startup in Fin-tech I needed to find a FullStack Developer capable of building the App. While I had no clue of how to grasp a developer, especially in the midst of a COVID lockdown, I got creative. Low and behold, I found 35 developers by targeting Digital Nomad slack communities in the space of 1 week! Need I say more?

https://discord.com/ People like to use this for gaming, because that is what it is originally used for.
Though, I use it for the TEAM to talk on in order to get work done without the hassle of planning call’s etc. Once everyone is subscribed, its fairly easy, everyone can have a reachable online office to do their work. And the messaging system is pretty simple.

https://www.focusmate.com/ Conceived as a studying platform, I figured out after a while that it could be a place to network and find likeminded people, according that you do it right and don’t overstep boundaries etc. People are generally open to discussing what they do, they’ll tell you about their goals at the start of every session and you can use it for training your elevator pitch for Work, Social, Partnerships, learning about new tools or insights, hek even relationships why don’t you. But really.. do it correctly, no one wants unwanted harassment in the privacy of their own home!

https://miro.com/: “The online collaborative whiteboard platform to
bring teams together, anytime, anywhere.” The Crema team explain the functioning of the app (in this video) pretty well and while is it still a collaborative online whiteboard, what you can do with it is nothing short of genius.

If my writing inspires you,
take a look at some of the books which have
inspired my writing.

👉🏻 GO TO LIBRARY👈🏻

8 essential questions to decipher if you’re in a Toxic relationship.

There is no bigger compliment than someone who choses you. None. It feels great,
it leaves us feeling light headed and happy. Life couldn’t be better. We are the one for someone!

On the other hand, rejection, is one of the most painful blows you can take without it being physical. You can know your value, you can see the silver lining, the benefits from the rejection…

But if you really care, there’s something painful, it becomes about the letting go of outdated ways.

Though, recently something I didn’t want to see popped up out of the blue. A voice message.
I wasn’t ready for it… I wasn’t prepared at all.

An old relationship which had all the signs of Toxicity, appeared as if some sort of magic trick. “POOF”! I hadn’t yet put it to bed correctly for some reason. I wasn’t able yet.

I’m an optimistic person, I have hopes for brighter days and have the understanding that everyone has flaws and difficulties to get over. Though, I am blindsided by people who prey on these traits. They immerse themselves through the cracks and leech on to my need to see the brightside in them. It gives them a breath of fresh air, for once they’re not defined as the “BAD one’s”. They get to experience the sunshine of my none-judgemental gaze…

Looking back though, I decided to enumerate all the traits of this person, all the things I found weird, or simply a little off.. and little did I know my list quickly became a page… This is when I started to worry. Was I putting this person on a pedestal? Was I enabling their sick behaviour?
Worse yet, was I feeding their deluded sense of grandiosity?

I was… Sadly. Though, let’s get back to my reaction of Not being ready.
I listen in, wondering who left the message and I hear her voice.
My body, in instant recognition recoils and tenses up…

Like an earthquake, my walls started to shake. Like every time an earthquake Quakes,
I stopped everything and hid under the table, emotionally.

In situations where people don’t tend to behave in a loving respectful way occur, I often go into a sort of paralysis. It becomes an energy leak, a pain point. A poison of my well-being. I become intently focussed on them like a spaceship sucked into a blackhole. No matter how much throttle I add, I have no traction to get away.

My heart starts beating faster, my mind can’t concentrate well at all, and as if I was poisoned all I can do is lie down and breath with an elevated heart-rate, while I focus on my screen.

Last seen 10 minutes ago… – Online. – Last seen 5 minutes ago…” Ad infinitum.

Someone who feigns interest and then lingers you on until you figure out they’re not interested is a seriously toxic trait. Not only it will give you the illusion that you’re not good enough, you’ll invest countless stretches of time staring into the abyss waiting for something to happen. Your brain, half melting while your lungs are heavy and the air is thick… Or so it seems..

You feel lost and can’t put your finger on what it is, but you know deep down they’re doing wrong somehow. It’s a visceral gut feeling, your intuition tells you something is off. In all circumstances they’re speaking nice words to your face and putting on a nice little show, but their actions tell another story. They won’t tell you about their actions unless you confront them with specific questions. Even then you need to build a baseline to figure out if they’re lying or not…

What a waste of energy!

Though, the best way to get over this is to decide to bring the conversation to an end,
block the contact, delete the number and move onwards to better things, NOW.

The best solution I’ve found is the mental step of burning the bridge.

1) Define if that person values you and makes you feel valued.
2) Define if you’re the only one who’s making the effort or if its mutual.
3) Are you a priority in their life? Do they treat you like a priority? Or not?
4) What is your core feeling? That gut feeling? Is your nervous system tightening up?
5) Are your thoughts focussed on justifying, describing, proving, arguing?
6) What mental space do you allow them to have? Are they living in your head?
7) Do they make you feel Free? Or do they leave you feeling depressed?
8) Do they elevate you? Or do they reduce you?

Immerse yourself in a project, a constructive project which demands that you use your mind to focus on solving something.

Go for a walk, with a podcast or music. Or a run, or cycle, or anything to get you out of your “RUT”.

It’s not about the activity its self, because you might find yourself thinking about the person.
But it about creating experiences, and compounding them up. You’ll find that if you experience a few situations where you’re forced to get out of your head, you’ll quickly forget.

It’s as if, until we compound the experiences, we’re allowing ourselves to mope and sit around feeling sorry for ourselves, victims of some rotten behaviour. Though, we’re losing precious time, precious energy and life. While they’re out there doing god knows what after having used you as a stepping stone to get to where they wanted to go. – Ok ok, I know this might not help, bear with me.

The point is this, we need to forget all about them. When we get a thought about what could be,
what should be, or what might happen if. We’re envisioning THEIR potential through our minds.
We’re living in a bubble of imagination. Nothing bad will happen by Forgetting them.
And you need to do this until you’re confident in your own shoes again. It’s about building yourself up. If you’re focussed on them, you’re not giving yourself your own sunlight to grow, you’re growing that idea which then eats away at you.


If my writing inspires you,
take a look at some of the books which have
inspired me!
GO TO LIBRARY


GO TO LIBRARY

Social ponderations

We all know that how we see others is related to how we see ourselves internally. What if,
others are simply materialisations of our most current inner beliefs, or our distant inner beliefs? Reflections of our current emotional evolution mirrored back to us through distortions of our internal values, like the carnival mirrors. They’re sending us back our intentions x feelings x beliefs x magnified by our confidence or lack thereof. All this through the prism of how clear they are in conscience and mind.

Maybe the way the universe works around us is like magnet frequencies, attracting and repelling energies which are equal or opposite in value? Whether we are open minded towards the futur potential someone presents to us, or a past which we now see clearly in someone else represents a sense of flow. While being closed minded to past and futur meaning we’re in a state of ebb, fear, unable to let go or unable to accept thus rejecting the concept we perceive.

Maybe people, are simply like firmware updates, testing what works better for us and what works less well. Reflecting a mirror of an energy we no longer wish to portray or carry with us as part of our tapestry.

When we encounter an ex for example, oftentimes all we can perceive about them is the emotion they left us with, or the vision and emotion we’ve had to create and accept in order to move forward since we last exchanged with them, or how we feel about them mixed in with a degree of self-esteem.

When we meet someone new, generally we don’t get the time to really delve into what they’re interested, vulnerable and resilient about, it’s all about first appearances. So when meeting someone new, first impressions are important because they give way to then having access to meeting that person again or being very clear about not wanting to at all. Though, first appearances define essentially how we see someone, they’re mainly based upon the social superficial front one has created and how practiced they are at showing you what they want you to see and know about them. This can become stagnant and lack depth. Though, very important, energy isn’t seen but felt. Its how we make the other feel in our presence, the intertwining of essence over each other’s reality.

Often times, people with beautiful fronts have very little depth to share as they don’t have the same search for meaning, as they believe it lies in their looks and how others perceive them. Seemingly or for some reason, as the external front has already been covered, they don’t have to search for internal meaning as much as someone who’s forced to rely on inner confidence, charm, experience etc. The latter takes a longer time to develop but ultimately cannot be taken away once achieved.
Rather than being vulnerable and having transparency as to what difficulties they are going through or have overcome they simply can’t relate to anything which will seemingly weaken them in the eyes of their peers. The power game is simply too strong.

Incorrect Power games are achieved by those who don’t or can’t achieve inner power over themselves. This form of Power is thus exerted over those who have less boundaries or less need to seek power over others as they don’t derive their sense of esteem from others but from their own accomplishments or in minute details of everyday life. Power games generally arise for those who haven’t yet taken the time to develop their core center. Instead of the grounding benefits, they experience a gaping hole which disables the individual from staying still and appreciating the details of their life.
Gratitude is thus a state less accessible as they depend on external circumstances instead of envisioning and then materialising. They function as leeches to external conditions, instead of organic growing beings. They cannot take from within because that would mean all they have to offer is the impossible feeling which they have to live with. Thus promoting either taking and using others, or dispensing a form of negativity. Power comes from feeling powerless.

Success, I have found is really being able to be at peace with myself, contemplating my surroundings, feeling grateful for what I have, having the opportunity to share my findings,
the process of ideas. Success is really something which I don’t show but a feeling. Success is the empowerment and magnification of a graceful overcoming, the experience of being exactly where I need to be to do and achieve what I enjoy. The capacity to evolve and progress towards higher levels within the practices of my focus. Seeing my skills flourish and grow, while enjoying every second of the process from start to finish. Success then becomes a secret garden, impossible to replicate for others, which the fruits beared aren’t produced, nor forced in a mechanical fashion. The process is pure creation. A unique mind, expressing it’s difference through the artistic abilities, supported by infinite time and space, needs met and wants fulfilled, empowered by curiosity, magnified by intelligence, undisturbed by an external noise produced from a world of lost souls craving always more of something they aren’t producing. The freedom to reply to no one but our highest potential. The secret, then becomes teaching others how to achieve their success and empowering them to stand on their own two feet so they don’t depend on us. The paradox of money making…

The paradox of money & Freedom making is achieving our own success while maintaining our own freedom. The balance is a fragile point between depending on others for our material freedom, and being invisible and free to act and be as changeable as we wish without any accountability. The two opposites, freedom and creativity. Creativity cannot be produced under pressure or with expectancies, while freedom can be achieved in our mind while sitting in a cave. Creativity is then something that should ensue as a process to enjoy. Then productised through a unique brand which clearly empowers one to take one’s time to create and report only to one’s need to produce at their own rythme. Otherwise, the creative becomes a factory worker producing in a Fordism-like manner. The complexity of human based productivity, especially in relation to creativity and inspiration based activities cannot be forced. This is where discipline and lack there-of clash. The disciplined worker will get up and squeeze out anything going on at the detriment of brilliant ideas. While the inspiration based creative will function depending on the energy at their disposal. We’re not machines. Especially taking into account Allostasis (the budgeting of our energy), and creating respectfully to what we’re able to save and cultivate. The idea that we’re to sit and force out everything and anything we can think of in a rigid manner isn’t human.
The strict need to sit in an army like manner and produce without any freewill or variabilities to what we experience or feel is lacking in human vulnerability and without vulnerability there is no courage. He who forces his productions doesn’t allow himself to have the courage needed to experience the ups and downs of creativity. “An artist is a person who performs any of the creative arts. This can range from painting to music. An artisan, on the other hand, is a skilled worker who makes things by hand.” Steven Pressfield for example is an artisan inducing artists to behave like artisans.

Regarding how we see society. It is often very clear that those who look at society and describe their hatred for it are actually projecting the hatred of their own flaws upon it. We only see the world as we are. For this reason alone, someone who see’s the world a specific way is only describing his own state through his detailed descriptions of it. Someone who points a finger at the corrupt are projecting what they would be if they were in someone else’s shoes with the same level of “corruption”. A scientist may see the world through the results he produces, but to be a negative scientist disregarding his emotions, his data will be flawed by his capacity to produce. Take the Emoto experiment for example, simply thinking negative thoughts on one glass of water opposes thinking positive thoughts on another glass. The results of this test are crystal clear. Our intentions projected on external matter distort the results. This is why even if factual responses like 2+2=4 for everyone apply, the “Factual” findings which apply to the world around are firstly far too many to take into account, but secondly matter around us changes with our outlook upon it. If that isn’t enough, we cannot see the good aspect in someone unless we appreciate it within ourselves on some level. We simply project the inner empires of our inner worlds. We’re conscious of the creation, or they’ve been forced upon us by mental heritage, either way, they’re within and we see the world in relation to our “IN-Formation”. The formation we’ve created within.

If my writing inspires you,
take a look at some of the books which have
inspired me!

👇🏻
GO TO LIBRARY


GO TO LIBRARY