Wanting more is getting less

As Debussy’s delicate harmony carries me through states of wonder and revery, I can’t help but question the nature of Art.

What is it here for, other than to provoque a reaction in others? To see if life is still within, monotone grey logical calculated people.

Art is then, which stirs up emotion from our depths. Emotions we thought were dead, or of which we were clueless.

The artist’s mission is not only to create beauty and harmony and a sense of awe, but to bring people back to life, through any way possible.

He must be a master in art, in order to reveal people to themselves. Their dying hearts, lingering, hoping, praying for passion, vividness, love…

In the world we live in, people are too calculated, too thought out. They know how their days, weeks, years will play out, well before they happen.

Their lives, a series of systems, ready to encapsulate and steer their hearts to places their minds know only too well.

Except their hearts, free and wild animals. Long for Jungles, discovery, enchantment, anything unpredictable… anything unknown.

To live in a world, where we know everything before it happens is boring. To be safe, protected, to know beforehand that we’ll be okay as we live in cushy comfortable cells of analysis.

The freedom and passion calls, and chants out to the monotone lifestyles of hoping hearts..

Introverts and others

You know how we tend to want to put a label on ourselves to define who we are so we can be a part of something? It comforts us, it allows us to feel maybe as if we belong.
Well, that label can also be restrictive in fully harnessing our potential.

I’ve concluded that maybe all introverts aren’t necessarily right about being introverts.

Maybe we all have the capacity to be extroverted. Which makes us Ambiverts. I believe it relates to our beliefs about pain and pleasure. Maybe who we are isn’t set in stone; as much as that can provide comfort, it could also provide hope to know change is possible. Maybe there is an underlying fact we’re not acknowledging, maybe the definitions we’ve been given and taken as written in stone aren’t as solid as we think they are.

“When the student is ready, the master will appear. ” – Buddhist saying.

If we associate other people with pain, then being around them will be painful because our mind is set on seeing them as painful. Even if rationally we can see that they’re not actually hurting us. It’s fairly easy to grow up with the belief that others equate pain.
We then experience people as pain. We’d rather hang on to negative beliefs which don’t serve us anymore rather than take a risk to change our beliefs for more positive one’s which could bring a happier existence.

It’s also fairly easy to assume that extroverts to assume that others equate pleasure.
If we look at the difference in their nervous systems, “introverted” people are more sensitive which would lead to feeling the same hurts more intensely. Which could lead to being more responsive and so defensive in the event of a potential hurt.

Ok, fair enough, for this example lets put someone in a box and call them an introvert. It’s convenient. It helps us to define a state, maybe even an expression or a way of interacting or dealing with the world.

If extroverts have less sensitive nervous systems, then it stands to reason that, their senses are less sensitive. If they’re less sensitive, then it also stands to reason that they need to develop and grow their energy a lot more from early on, in order to meet the requirements to feel and sense the world around them, and also interact.

Think about how much volume you’ll need to say something through the base of your audio system. Now think about how easy and how low amounts of volume you need to get a message through a speaker. I’m pretty sure, you’ll hear the highs easier than the lows. It’s just clearer. Then again it depends on the quality of your hearing. Lets assume you do.

In introvert terms, high relates to sensitivity. If some children are more sensitive to the environment around them, it stands to reason that they’ll feel more shocked, more intensely, more fear, more pain… Which means that they’ll regulate themselves from early on instead of intensifying the amount of energy they have in order to get a message out like the extroverts.

One seems to be bold, where the other is refined. At least in terms of nervous system.

All this being said, in the idea that introverts were given the perfect upbringing. Wouldn’t it stand to reason that they’d gain from developing, and growing their energy so they can feel more intensely? To feel is to encompass the pain and the joy, the happiness and the fear, the anger and surprise and everything. So, I can only imagine that the creation of a fearless introvert would be far more effective than an extrovert.

I say this bearing in mind the idea that if we sooth the harsh visions of our childhoods and transform our views about the pains we hold, that maybe we could put aside the notion of introverts and extroverts. That the sensitivities which hold us back, are maybe simply linked to pains we have not yet visited, which we are unaware of, and which keep us viewing the world a specific way, through that “sensitive” lens.

Can we link our pain points to not being heard instead of relating pain to others?
Can we link our pleasure to others and to the spontaneous exchange in civil societies around us? If so, then by linking our internal beliefs to different axes, we’ll end up changing the world around us and the way we see.

Maybe we don’t need to be as sensitive, if we can feel secure? Maybe we don’t need to be blunt if we can be more confident? Maybe soothing each others dramatic points of view could create a more harmonious world around us…

What satiates you, appreciates you

The unique thing about time is that it is irreversible and irreplaceable.
Once lost, you cannot replace it you cannot add to it. Like an ice-cube, time is constantly melting away. Our time is ephemeral. Here now, gone tomorrow. Which means that our lives are scarce, even if there are 7.8Bn of us. We must then, inject our lives with enjoyment and a sense of appreciation. We must cultivate our energy and health, our creativity and productivity. Doing so, we become better, healthier, live longer, we live better and interact better. Everything appreciates.

It is in our current perception of present circumstances that we can grow our experiences into a) meaningful, fulfilling and b) purpose driven, enjoyable and worth the time and attention we exchange for the mediums we engage in. It is how we engage our focus that defines our way of expression. Do maths, and you’ll think in maths. Read sci-fi and you’ll think in sci-fi. Study law, and you’ll speak like a lawyer. This goes on for everything you put your attention into.

A recent example I’ve observed is gaming and stock markets. Play a game, and while you’re playing the game your attention isn’t focussed on existential or productive skills but you’re focussed on skills relative to the game. When you stop playing, your mind is then stuck speaking in the language you use to process and understand the game. If you’re not thinking but simply acting and reacting, your mind then becomes very blank once you’ve stopped playing. The same goes for the stock market. If you spend a lot of time reading about stocks, you’ll speak like a trader. If you spend a lot of time in the market you’ll act and react like a trader. Though, if you use your mind for anything else, you’ll most inevitably become a tad numb or even feel empty. Especially from the view point of creativity. Even though your creativity is then focussed upon the finance area.
You are being financially creative/destructive (same process). The language is just that of finance instead of personal development or what ever area you tend to focus on.

Your ideas are simply the translation of accumulated attention on something specific.
Focus on bitcoin, you’ll likely know more about it than the average Joe. Focus on the history of artists through time, you’ll likely know a lot about Art, the tendencies and creating fine art its self.

These mediums can be either entertainment such as Netflix or Games, or they can be productive such as Reading, Podcast listening, searching for answers, training in a specific domain.

There are only two views to take into account.

What is your consumption/Input? (i.e. eating, imbibing, accumulating, digesting, putting into yourself…)? – books on Coding, Psychology, maths, economics, love, spirituality… Netflix, movies, podcasts, news websites…

Is your consumption grounded and productive? When you compound the “…” (fill in the blank) does the consumption compound up, add up, grow, build up to something positive? Can you use the build up in an a positive way? Is it benefitting you? Are you adding to your life, or subtracting from your life? If you’re subtracting, then you are in a fear based consumption or an output.

Is your consumption fear based? Is the underlying psychology intended to get you to react, engage, clic…? Are you subconsciously feeling something which is getting you to act in a specific way, which might not serve you.
I.e. you want to buy a stock at 200 and you’ve calculated and believe it will go up to 250. But the news is telling you that it will go down and that there will be a market crash. The news could be incentivised by parties against your particular stock. Which influences you through their selective wording and sense of urgency and pending apocalyptic descriptions of outcomes. And you end up selling based upon the influence of the news even if the stock its self goes up.

A Negative input can be binge watching Netflix for hours on end, endlessly wasting time. It can be playing video games for hours on end, just to pass the time. While time passes, which you cannot get back you flounder your energy, focus and time against the instantaneous pleasure of killing an enemy or making a man jump from one block to another. Though ultimately, as soon as you step away from the screen dispensing your input, the information you’ve been imbibing becomes worthless, unless you’re in the army and your video game is a simulation of how to act in real time for example..

What is your output? (i.e. creating, speaking, expressing, painting, shouting, crying, masturbation (wasted energy)/Intercourse (productive energy), Writing, Weight training, Walking, Running, swimming, singing, acting, etc… )

Positive output.
If your output is positive, it adds something of value, it makes the lives of people better, it makes people feel good, it serves a purpose, it helps.
A positive output can be building your body up to be stronger because you are weak.
So adding good food, discipline and will power will create an output for the weightlifting input.
I.e. you’re making an effort which is constructive (if done properly).
The positive output will be the result of lifting weights: a stronger body, feeling more energetic, feeling more confident…

A positive output, will be created from either a positive input or a negative input transformed into a positive output (mindset). You’re essentially compounding, information, experience, or simply insights and creating something.
I.e. A blog post, a book, a music cd, a film, a better body, a better mindset, a vision, a product, mathematical spreadsheets, a law essay… and so on.
Essentially, a positive output will add value, growth, positive evolution, serve a positive outcome, innovate, build, upon something and your life will appreciate in value rather than depreciate.

Negative output.
If you’re caught up in negative output, you’re most likely in a cycle of diminishing returns. Most likely the effort, value, intention, attention, time… you’re spending (output) or exchanging (input) towards something isn’t worth the exchange.
What you have is worth more than what you are getting. Thus your worth is devaluing based on the output you are exchanging against said input.

Let’s take a radical point of view. We all have energy. This energy is either cultivated and grown, or spent and diminished. Our energy, can be used to work out and make our lives better or workout to an extreme and wear ourselves out. We can go at our own pace and Grow our strength by regulating our input and output for efficient and effective growth. Or we can go all in and burn our bodies out then rendering ourselves physically incapable for periods of time while we recover. Is it adding to our physical strength, stamina and overall power and well-being, or subtracting from it?

This energy can be used in masturbation and wasted for false illusion of connexion and intimacy (like with youporn or whatever you use to knock your socks off…, or it can be kept carefully and grown, we can cultivate our sexual energy for what matters more like real intimate relationships. In engaging in instant pleasure, we then have less physical energy, which makes us weaker and less physically dominant, less confident, less mentally acute, and if done to an excess can weaken our bodies, health and immune system. Though, if cultivated without spending it, you can grow your health, your wellbeing, your mental acuteness, your capacity to concentrate, perform… It all grows. This is not sexual but allostasis.
You’re regulating your bodies energies, just like your financials. You either spend on instant pleasure like shopping, gaggets, technology or whatever or you save and grow your options for something better later on. The same is likely for the body. If you spend your downtime wasting your energy, when time comes to meet someone, or perform in a sport of whatever it is, you’ll be less effective than if you had saved and cultivated your energy during that time.

This is why loveless relationships, based solely on lust and desire and selfishness will have two generally similar mindsets. One will be selfish and want only money and the other will want only sex. The exchange for extremes becomes the medium of value for people with radical store-holds of a form of wealth the other party does not have. A very beautiful woman and a very rich man. One values the wealth, the other values the beauty.
A more balanced approach, less extreme, will be two individuals who have self love, some money, some looks and complete each other in a subtle way. There is still an exchange, it’s simply not as pronounced because both parties have most areas covered.

We can buy a cheap crypto stock with the potential of it growing in value, thus exchanging our Fiat(euros/dollars) against X crypto. Once that exchange is made, our euro is 0 and our X crypto is, let’s say 10. If your crypto loses in value, if you exchange it back to your fiat currency, your 10 X crypto will be worth 5€ instead of the initial 10€.
Our output has created a smaller input because it wasn’t allocated correctly to a stock witch had growth.

You’re essentially filling your mind with what you focus on. So if you spend your time watching porn with over glamorous women, your mind then becomes consumed with trivial information which doesn’t serve a productive outcome down the road.
The same goes for worries. If you spend your time worrying, you’re essentially giving attention to the weeds of your gardens mind. You’re growing them by giving your attention( sunlight) and planting more by engaging in worrying.
The same also goes for mental consumption. If you spend your time reading fear based articles, fear based youtube channels, or anything based on fear with the incentive to engage you emotionally to react. You’re basically compounding information which makes you feel bad and compounding it, growing it and then you reach a state of being you’d call “depressed” or “anxious”.

If you want to become a writer, read a lot. The reading will create your ideas. Your ideas will become fuel for you to create. Your creation will demand iterations. Your iterations will bring you to new highs and abilities from multiple cycles of trial and error with the creative capacity fuelling the activity. Stop reading, and you’ll have less fuel.
Fuel can also come from practice in experience combined with reading about the experience to make better sense of it. Practice and theory. When achieving a balance, the outcome becomes greatness and people enjoy the production of your work after the many iterations you haven’t shared with them.

To become a runner, you must live around running and engage with running in a way which is beneficiary to the practice its self. If you engage in running, and end up weightlifting, you’ll slow yourself down, become heavier. If you engage in running, you’ll create a reality around running. Stretching, your nutrition, your recovery time, your knowledge, your water intake, your mentality, your bodily awareness, your stamina and endurance, your lungs and breathing techniques.

To become a video gammer, you must then build up your mindset. Your game sense, your nervous system must be intact, your stamina and energy must be high and even nervy in order to make the best split-second reactions in order to take advantage of your current set of virtual circumstances. In order to become better, you must train your aim, your strategy, your mental capacity, your skills and tactics. You must also train your body to become strong and resilient. Your nervous system must be healthy and able. You must have a good amount of energy.

To become a trader. You must understand yourself optimally. You must look at your tendencies. Your emotional biases, your euphoric tendencies. Your positive beliefs and negative beliefs. Your mind is your tool as your judgement is your success or your downfall. Your primary amount of money is secondary. As, if you grow it wisely you will reach overall growth.

Back to growth. If you want to become the best version of yourself. You must focus on the core most important pillars which will support you becoming that.

Mentality: Your mentality will be either pessimistic or optimistic. It will impact your attention and if you’re willing to grow and create, or destroy and shrink.

Attention & Allocation: Your attention will define how well you make decisions, and your decisions impact your actions.

Your Actions will create ripple effects: Either positive or negative depending on the outcome your mentality is focussed on. Which means that, your actions will either grow your circumstances positively, thus adding to your foundation. Or your actions will subtract from your foundations. You’re essentially destroying something. Smokers try to kill a feeling by smoking. Drinkers try to feel something by drowning themselves in alcohol. And so on.

Your positive actions will have an effect in building your Energy, your Health, your Strength, Wellbeing through your Outputs and Inputs.
Or your negative actions, through your intention to self destruct somehow, will contribute to weakening, belittling, lessening, deflating the pressure of input.

One word, “regulation“.

We need to regulate ourselves, our energy. And consciously chose what we add and consume rather than do it blindly. Our choices have consequences, and even if we cannot see the direct effects right now, the results will come out at some point and we will regret not thinking about the direction we desired in the first place.

In order to fully appreciate, be that our wellbeing, health, our muscles, or our financial net-worth. It’s important to understand why we’re taking action in the first place.

Everyone is running after money. Which means, those who control money, control people. If you’re in control of your money, you’re not controlled by it.

The same goes for your energy, your physical ability. If you are defined by your circumstances, you have no power over them. Which means that you’re a product of your environment, instead of the environment around you a product of your vision.

We are impressed or impress upon others. This is a decision. Are we here simply to witness and flow through life or are we here to make a lasting impression, bettering the fate of those around us? Are we here to uplift and inspire? Or are we here simply for the ride?

So, it stands to reason that in order to appreciate, we must:

  1. Recognize the full worth of (something/someone).
  2. Understand (a situation) fully; grasp the full implications of.

If you are to Recognize or Understand, you must Search or Research to identify or acknowledge what you’re seeking to appreciate.

  1. Identify (someone or something) from having encountered them before; to know again.
  2. Acknowledge the existence, validity, or legality of.

Which comes back to mentality and attention before action. We allocate our attention and focus to what we enjoy or where our pain point is. If we enjoy and are satiated by what we are imbibing we want more. If we want more, we grow in that area.

In order to appreciate, we must lose or be without. As we cannot fully appreciate something if we don’t know its worth and in order to understand the worth of something, we must lose it.
I.e. a) If you lose your health and have to build it back up, you then appreciate your health once you regain it. b) If you lose a loved one, you recognize their value once you’re exposed to the loss of their entity. c) If you’ve always had money, you cannot see it’s worth until you have none. It is when you understand it’s worth that you can appreciate what you have.
d) You cannot get more, if you don’t appreciate what you have already.

What satiates you will drive you to appreciate yourself and where you are putting your information/energy.

If you’re always focussing on how much you don’t have, what others have. If you’re always focussing your attention on how bad you are, or how little you’re worth. You only grow the number of examples you have in your head to define yourself with.

In defining yourself in this particular way, or defining your environment in a particular way, you’re depreciating the value of either yourself, your money, your environment or those around you. If you depreciate those around you, you don’t appreciate them. If you depreciate them, you’re belittling them, reducing them, essentially killing yourself and those around.

If you love the people around you, appreciate them. Be positive about them. Admire them. Compliment them. Help them. Grow them. Invest in them.

If you don’t love the people around you, withdraw yourself from the equation. Otherwise you’re essentially losing your own value and energy in the process of devaluing them. (It’s about the energy and focus, not about what they are doing.)

Appreciation is about love and Love is about living life well.

More more more!? maybe it’s time to stop worrying about having and start living.


This may seem contradictory to where the rest of the world is heading right now.
Though, for the last months I’ve been all consumed by stock markets.
Hoping to catch a profit here, or a bitcoin break. Wanting more, because apparently I don’t have enough? I have plenty, I have too much. I have way too much.

Yet the notion of comparison to others. Not dressing the right way, not having the latest car, the latest phone, etc. Maybe these things would make me “more” in the eyes of others.

Only by contrast to all this, there is a time in my life where I remember being simply great at what I was doing. I wasn’t worried I wouldn’t have enough. In fact, I wasn’t concerned at all.
Money has never been an issue.

It’s only in recent years while stepping into society and “adult life” that money started to become a problem. I wouldn’t get the girl because I didn’t have all the things money could offer. I couldn’t pull up in a cool car and drive her to a restaurant. I thought I needed to be the provider of everything in the galaxy!

Though, it wasn’t the money which was the problem. It was my self esteem.
I believed I needed more, because I wasn’t confident enough to hold my ground and stand up for what I wanted and believed in. I was a wimp with a big mouth and a big ego.

For the last so many years, I set out to “get all the money”. Only then I’d have my own place, my own car, and all potential problems could be solved by “having”. WRONG!

Life is more finite and subtle.

There are nuances and subtleties which are offered to you, naturally. Life is a given, and it’s free-flowing and abundant, if you have the right mindset.

There is a mindset, a way of perceiving things, an acceptance, a trust… in the process, in life its self. By accepting that there is a process, and that the best outcomes ultimately works it’s self out for you, then all you have to do is float with the river instead of trying to battle upstream against the current. Some fish are made for that, some are not. I can accept that I’m not a salmon.

Now, not to sound like a broken record, because I already wrote an article on not participating in the stock market. Though, there was something inherently pulling me to take action, a deep FOMO. Which, all things considered, made me feel as if I didn’t have enough. As if I was lacking somehow, that I didn’t have enough.

If there is anything I don’t have enough of, it’s most likely appreciation of myself and how far I’ve come. It’s that comparison to where everyone else is, aesthetically and materially. It’s that looking elsewhere that keeps me from appreciating what I have here and now. And mostly is the reason for my inability to act upon my circumstances.

Wanting what others have is the biggest insult you can tell yourself. You’ll end up hating yourself for not being good enough, not deserving enough, not something enough…
And if you have the same amount of pressure to achieve and make things happen as I do, you’ll likely beat yourself up more than anything.

There is a notion that, the more you have the more you have to lose. For this exact reason, having little sets you free. You’re free from worry that something can happen to your possessions or your money or what ever store of value you’re stashing.

This is a very present mindset currently, especially in America. The dollar is “falling”, the “Euro” is going to end, fiat is going to implode… and so on.

Taking a step back, in all relativity, I don’t have too much to lose. I have some possessions, which make my current life comfortable. Though, if tomorrow morning everything went to shit, putting everything I need in a few suitcases and a backpack and I’d be on my way. It’s important not to get too caught up with the idea that we constantly need more because we’re caught up in other peoples fear based narratives of low self-esteem and insta-comparison. We get pulled into the news, the fear mongering videos, the apocalyptic scenarios, the worst case scenario visions. We go down a rabbit hole and end up needing to consume more and more, because we need to gather more information. God forbid we miss out on something which could save us from falling straight down to hell..

Something to acknowledge before doing so. If there is hell within you, it’s already around you. If you’ve been down to the bottom pits of your hell and you’ve debunked your difficulties and fears and you’ve struggled and come out stronger after doing so, nothing should really scare you. There is nothing you haven’t already faced within that can scare you on the outside. Talking from my experience, I’ve pretty much done most all the things which scared me and decidedly confronted them head-on with the intent of getting them out of the way for a better life.

Being exposed, ridiculed, out of shape, ugly, smelling bad, looking bad, dressing poorly, having no money, throwing the keys to my apartment away and being homeless, losing my girlfriend to a “good friend”, confronting death twice, psychiatry thrice, psychiatrists and being drugged out of sanity, being rejected, being in a twisted plot of events, losing my mind, being mugged, losing for 10k of personal possessions, coming out as transgender and then doing it to my family and friends, which brought me to learning empathy, learning to express emotions, developing my feminine side and accepting it, losing friends and foes, health issues due to hormones, dropping the transition because it was based upon an acute delirium and mental sickness, being isolated, being ostracised, losing my confidence, depression, anxiety, wanting to kill myself repeatedly, losing my health, going to prison for stupidity, having my mugshots done for not paying a 5 star hotel room, having my finger prints taken, being nude in public and walking through a fountain, believing wholeheartedly that I was the reincarnation of a dictator and having to then go through all the pain that he had created in his life time as karma…

Having to build myself back up as a man, rediscovering my confidence, my voice, standing my own ground, building my mind and self esteem, and so on…

There is literally nothing which should really get to me, especially now that I’ve come out from all this. I have triumphed from the obstacles I set up for myself to become the man I wanted to become, one who can listen, who can stand his own ground, who has empathy, who is smart and foreseeing, who cares deeply, who is worthy.

So, if there is an economic crash. Bring it on. I already live in poverty. If I miss out on stocks going up or down, so be it. But I will not, by any means spend my time glued to my phone screen looking at candle sticks going up and down hoping for a potential 20% gain or loss every 5 seconds. That’s not a life to live.

Looking at the life I’ve lead so far, I’ve been on my own adventure, pushing and testing my own limits. Observing how I react, why I react. Watching my reactions. Scrutinising my actions. I have been over myself with a microscope, I’ve looked for my flaws,
I’ve accepted them, I’ve embraced who I am. Now fucking bring it on, I’ve passed the obstacles swimmingly.

The main thing I observe, is that I’ve been too consumed with trying to live up to everyone else’s standards. What success is to them, is not what it is to me.
I am profoundly alpha, in that I lead my path my own way and don’t give a damn about what others think. I lead with compassion and strive to do the best for everyone around. I believe in myself and I know I can overcome anything, because I have overcome every difficult challenge I’ve put upon my path. I’ve developed a healthy faith and a trust in the process of life. I am grateful for the experiences which I’ve experienced.

As I close this chapter of self doubt in my life, I enter a social media free, fomo free chapter where I thrive.

Money isn’t and never will be a concern. A minimalistic and driven purposeful life
I enjoy living, because every day is a new adventure of discovery either within the illimited confines of my mind, or the brilliant and interesting people I meet along my journey.

There’s a moment in life, where, when we succeed, we no longer experience struggling. We enter a moment of ease and fluidity, lacking the fear we held while surviving. This is where we stop learning and become complacent.

Funnily enough, getting outside of my comfort zone was never a problem for me.
My difficulty resided in being in a comfort zone. In confronting those inner demons,
it’s the home life which became accessible to me. In doing so, I altered my perception of the external world around me and the way I experience it. By accessing internal comfort at home and accepting it. Stepping outside changed, I stepped outside holding within me a deep sense of security and comfort. Between myself and I.

Controlling social media

How can we get our lives back from the grasp social media has over us?
How can we take back our lives from years of conditioning from social media?

The first step we need to really acknowledge is that we are being controlled.
The second is knowing how we feel about it.

Once we know these two points, we can start to turn things around.
If being controlled isn’t something you admire or appreciate, especially when they turn your personal data against you, then I bet you’re not going to be feeling great.

Anger and rage come to mind, fear also. We might even be somewhat curious to know how and why? Though, chances are, there will be a reaction. You just have to be attentive.

Recently, I’ve been researching the extent to which Facebook has control over people.
It’s not just Facebook though, because they own Instagram and Whatsapp. Who would have thought, that whatsapp would be using your information against you one day?

Though, back to the post!

Once we know how we feel about it, we can decide to use that emotion to fuel our action. Usually we’ll feel a bit uncomfortable, especially when we understand the policies which have been enforced lately.

This discomfort we experience is a great shifting emotion for us to take action.

I’ve already deleted my Whatsapp, and I’ve paused my instagram and facebook. I can’t even remember the last time I used them… Though, the way things are going, I’m considering deleting for good. I started my facebook page in 2017 after having deleted it in 2016, in order to join a WorkGroup for a company I was joining. Though, I never really considered deleting it, even if I really am hyper picky about the people who see my feed. So, instead of having 500 to 5000 people like I did in high-school, I’m already very selective and I have about 50 people. Though, even thats too much..

Instagram can be useful in order to quickly get up to date with specific information. Especially if we use the algorithm to our advantage! For example, if you want to hear about X, let’s say “monkeys” for the sake of it. Then, you research monkeys, types of monkeys, over and over, you save the pictures and like them too. Follow a few pages. And voila! You’ll have the algorithm functioning in your “conscious” favour. Because you chose to create your feed. Though, that feed won’t be related to what you “like” or “feel strong about”. Which is helpful, if you’re only using it for professional usage. It won’t be able to control you, because it’s not proposing anything you’re attached to emotionally.

For Facebook I haven’t really dug into it enough to give the same types of tips. I also post all of my post, or at least the majority, in private, so only I can see them…
Though other than that, I really don’t use Facebook. I do, occasionally use the “Messenger” service to contact one of my 50 contacts, in order to ask a question or share some info..

Having said all this, my next step is to debate and debunk, deleting Facebook and the advantages I have personally witnessed having done it before.

For a brief moment, losing the content of one’s hard drive can be a painful experience. At least until we accept it and move on to something else, after concluding that we might never get our information back.

We, can associate all our time and effort put into social media as something we lose when we delete our accounts. Though, something which isn’t said clearly comes as a silver lining.

When we delete an instagram feed for example, our first instinct may be to screen shot all of our pictures, if we haven’t already saved them somewhere. And then we think about our save file, and we start scrolling. Though, the amount of shit we save on a daily scroll is utter nonsense. We’re hoarders of information! So we pass the screenshooting of saved posts and profiles. That would be tedious.

Though, our initial response would be something similar to that of losing a hard-drive. Not to mention the time and effort it takes to build a following. I pity the fate of someone who has 55M followers and financially depends on the app for “survival”.

Pretty much the same can be said about our facebook feed. Although, facebook does propose the solution of bundling up all of our photos and sending them to us in a neat little ZIP folder, amongst other files..

We mount up the fear, the what-if’s and the potential loss we’d experience if we deleted our account and then we threat about how we’d have to build our account back up from scratch if we need one. Because, low and behold, in todays age we need a facebook page to “sign up” to get an ID card. Maybe not, but nearly.. It’s borderline crazy.

Deleting a page, although initially can be a little bit freaky while we observe the prospect of being cut off from the world and experience the fear of missing out, can be very much freeing and enjoyable, if not down right peaceful if we let a few days go by.

Suddenly, we’re not caught up with what’s going on. On a personal level, we’re not trying to keep up with the latest personal development trend, or how to catch 2 days of sleep in an hour by practicing this or that trick…

In terms of deleting an instagram page, I don’t allow many people to follow me, even if I have a good number of requests, simply because I don’t enjoy sharing what I like and am interested in with everyone. I also don’t believe in building a fake following, so I keep my circle small. So it’s easy to say that the only reason which I’d ponder, if I was to delete my instagram, would be something along the lines of “where would I get that type of information” if not on the carefully curated feed I’ve built up on the algorithm?
Though, initially we can feel a small pang of regret in deleting, we ultimately end up feeling very freed. Creatively, we then come alive, because we’re not “Following” anymore. We have to take action because life is in front of us, not blocked by our screens.

By being in control of our media, if we don’t want to delete our feeds. There is however, a few things we can do, if we want to be in control of social media instead of being controlled by it.

1) Having a conscious list of search items. We need to search for. Not something we’re curious about. But something which serves our goal. A goal we’re already striving for.
The information we are allowed to experience on social media has to be related to our goal and give us the information we need. Simple, “in, get the info, out”.

2) Having someone to post the information for you. When you have, which joins the first point, information and ideas you’d like to share. Prepare them in advance and then have a precise time to post them. Which means that you have a plan to use social media to your advantage, but not be consumed by it because you’re searching for some sort of attention or dopamine rush.

3) Build a life you enjoy, one you don’t want to escape, one that doesn’t get overrun by desires and wants because “someone on the other side of the world is on a yacht with some Russian hooker, showing you a rolex in a rollsroyce…” or something to that extent. You really have to like your life and be consumed by it. You have to have projects and to see where your life is going. If you have doubts and you don’t like your life, you’ll be more prone to “the grass is greener” syndrome and you’ll look elsewhere.

4) Build relationships which give you everything you need. Not everything you think you want. But which meet your needs. If your needs are met, you won’t be overcome by curiosity for what is happening next door, as you’ll be too busy living your own life to notice.

Social pressure doesn’t enable creativity, it rather gets in its way


Starting with Greeks a very long time ago, not participating in society
would cast us aside and one would be heavily criticised for not participating in the group. Thus having more of a private life, we would be defined as useless. This is where the word “idiot” stems from.

While its origins came from the criticism of private people who kept to themselves in Ancient Greece, today the word idiot seems more of a reductory adjective about how stupid or lacking we are in the mind department. It’s difficult not to see how the word has defined an entire culture against any introverted activities which require being on one’s own in order to create. A culture, which doesn’t value introspection and dreamery, time to ponder and create at one’s natural rythme.

In my last article, I made a reference to Vincent Van Gogh, in Range by David Epstein.
In Range, David writes about how Vincent spends most of his life trying a vast number of practices, tries many career vocations before coming back to his childhood desire of drawing. Vincent had been heavily criticised in childhood about how he drew and this had created an anti belief about his skillset. His creativity was stifled because he believed he needed to live up to others standards. One night during a storm, Vincent discovers his talent and pleasure of working with paint and the rest is history. Though lived most of his life shunned and feeling a failure. This same process of late discovery David talks about in his book is one that many writers encounter later on in life, after having had adventures and experiences to form who they are and discover what they like. Which solidifies their self identity as an artist afterward.

Although being called an idiot might have made us feel fear that the entire community would ostracise us in Ancient Greek times. Today, keeping to one’s self is still regarded by many as something wrong. Though, something which wasn’t clear in that era was the amount of people who need that private time to themselves for the creation and the formulation of their creative process. Introverts, Artists, Creatives, anyone who needs to gather their thoughts because they’re sensitive to the world around them, who get over stimulated while in the hustle and bustle of everyday life. They all need one thing, Privacy.

In today’s world, too many people participate and not enough people listen. This makes for a noise like experience and saturates us. Where a town center would maybe hold 1000 people back in the day. Today our town center is social media platforms. Anyone with any desire to say anything can speak. Only this creates a sort of fog of stupidity which mutes anyone who has anything important to say but doesn’t necessarily have the desire to speak the loudest. This comes back to Rosa Parks during the civil rights movement in America. A silent calm voice holds a far reaching message.

While young 15 year old ticktokers rake in Millions of dollars for twerking and saying something “likeable” to the culture around them. “Likeable”, what others like. Not anything of value but something they like. Something which keeps them in their mental comfort zone.

Eating Greens wasn’t considered something I liked when I was young, but I still ate them, because they were good for me. The same goes for listening to counter points of view, different ideas, anything which shifts us out of our comfort zone. This morning
I started my day with a cold shower. It wasn’t nice at first, but I relaxed into it and came out feeling invigorated.

All this to say that in today’s world, saying something that people like will make you instantly famous, while what you’re saying doesn’t even need to make sense. While people saying sensical things will seem dull and boring because it’s not exiting or exotic will make you an outcast and you can potentially lose your position. ahem, ahem… Jordan Peterson…

Anything which isn’t bitesized, condensed, devoid of hard work and meaning, even sensical and grounded isn’t interesting to anyone who was born with a smartphone in their hand. This leads me to the thought of people discovering the outside world.

Where we had childhoods outside, in the countryside, discovering, imagining, playing, cycling, climbing etc.. Anyone born with a smartphone directly developed the inner world with virtual scenery and adventures but no sense of grounding or reality.
They didn’t actually have the adventures, they didn’t experience the muscle aches, the cold rain, the setting of dusk, the wind upon their faces, the experience of physical competition while running faster than their friend etc. This lack of external development makes for people who are solely dependant on their phones. Whom, might even be scared to go out for physical adventures. This makes for people who are dependant on notifications and cannot spend time on their own.

Though increasingly, as we advance through time, real values and respect of the human condition takes a backseat. Money becomes more important, and anyone who doesn’t fit the traits of societies successful pioneers are shunned and outcasted. Doing stupid things in flashy colours, with loud dramatic music and visuals which supposedly catches attention is valued. Is our society full of Stupid people or is it full of idiots?
Obviously there are idiots (people who need private time to create), but the level of stupidity is high and the number increases daily.

I’ll be an idiot for now and let the cloud of stupidity pass. Maybe we’re in the morning of our lives and it’s still early in the age of internet. Maybe this fog will pass when they run out of hot air, we’ll go towards a more productive society where people share meaningful content rather than attention grabbing nonsense. Maybe.

For now, stupidity and idiocy are two different things in my mind. But I will let stupidity pass so I won’t have to strain myself to talk louder than the next…


“As early as 1856, have interpreted the word “idiot” as reflecting the Ancient Athenians’ attitudes to civic participation and private life, combining the ancient meaning of ‘private citizen’ with the modern meaning ‘fool’ to conclude that the Greeks used the word to say that it is selfish and foolish not to participate in public life.

“It is certainly true that the Greeks valued civic participation and criticized non-participation. Thucydides quotes Pericles’ Funeral Oration as saying: “[we] regard… him who takes no part in these [public] duties not as unambitious but as useless””

Embracing creativity over pursuing money.

It’s very easy to get caught up in the easy exchange of effort and time against a small amount of money or even a large one. But if we give in to the exchange, we also have to acknowledge that our time and energy are less precious than the money we receive.

We believe we have options most of the time, given the circumstances we experience.
Our heads are “swollen” with the illusion of material abundance and security and the only tangible power we believe we have comes in the form of money, a value that everyone seems to enjoy.

Most often, landlords would rather call the police if you’re not paying the rent,
rather than believe in the bigger picture of your creative schemes. “Money will come,
I just need time…

We then doubt our vision and our creative process, because we know we are “capable” of holding a job which would take up most of our time and energy. If we give in to the idea of taking a job, it goes against everything our vision and belief system stands for.
It also makes clearly abundant that seeking a job is a clear translation of the fact that doubt rules your life, rather than a confident belief that what you are striving for will make sense in the long run.

Although this “hold on until the storm passes” attitude, based of beliefs, also has downsides. And one doesn’t decide to be creative, they simply are. It would be far easier to chose a good University, passing a diploma, getting a “secure job” and working until you can kick your shoes off and live by the beach… But that doesn’t work for a creative. Being creative has downsides one must acknowledge and accept first and foremost, because they define how the individual functions. If I was to say “FLY!”, you’d look at me and think I was bonkers. This is because Flying isn’t part of how you function as a human-being. The distinction of how an individual functions also applies for people.
We are all singular and no two people are alike, even if they are identical twins!

As a creative, I often encounter a downside with jobs, but most specifically any action or intention to directly pursue money. I cannot keep it up, it saturates me beyond sanity. My creative juices stagnate and I feel numb. I start to see the cogs in the machine of how the business works and it gets as repetitive as Taylorism.

The blind pursuit for money isn’t sustainable for me. My nervous system seems to be a highly sensitive tool. One too sensitive for the ups and downs of the markets, the hustle and bustle of everyday jobs or anything which doesn’t require inner growth?

It does however require me seeking to understand things in my own way, at my own speed. Letting curiosity and interest drive me towards a personal comprehension of such and such focus, undisturbed by external deadlines or the possibility of being fired or expelled if the results I discover aren’t enough.

All of this means that, jumping through hoops to please a hierarchy doesn’t work well for creatives. Success and fame and anything related to “making it” in the world,
simply aren’t compatible with sensitive independents with the need to go at their own pace and discover the fruits of their own path. Pursuing money head on will simply result in being miserable. What creatives do need to pursue though is any form of quality creative outputs and developing inner confidence around their expressive skills.

As an introvert pointing out the difficulties I experience, agoraphobia comes to mind. Not that I am scared of anyone in particular, but that my nervous system gets triggered simply by going shopping for a couple of hours. I get home, put the shopping away and get into bed. My body has considerably tensed up since only a few hours prior when I was leaving the house. And this is a recurring pattern I get anytime there is a social event, or simply being seen outside the house. Hence why I run at night.

I am not able to “Force” things, and force an outcome to “become” what I want it to be.
To go out and get it, demands more energy than I have and I’ll end up sleeping more than regular people.

As much as this leads to energetic despair, there are solutions which can be remedied as long as we have freewill and the capacity to endure moments of doubt.

And where the hell is my freewill in all of this?!

Having a strong will, being told what to do can prove difficult. Though, there are two sides to not wanting to be told what to do. The first can stem from fear and often goes a little like “Because someone in my past has hurt me and somehow they were in a position to tell me what to do, and they abused that power. Now I don’t listen to anyone, because only I know best.” We can thank our parents we are so strong…
Or, we have a strong vision and from repeated experience we learn to cancel out the noise everyone around us tends to make while they project their fears, and negative experiences upon the outcome of our path (which is an entirely different one with different skills, different beliefs and different perceptions…).

Though having a strong will and being creative can seem incredible, this also has a downside. I cannot force myself if I don’t want to do something. As I’ve learn’t to listen to my higher self and to listen to my body and what I feel. I often find that doing something I don’t want to do, is more reflective of my intuition telling me not to do it, than it is me being lazy. But this leads to a larger questions…

Why don’t I want to do that specific thing? Is it a fear or actual conscious decision making? And Are my fears ruling the outcomes of what I am striving for?

A while back I read a good quote, and if I remember it correctly, it resembles something like:

” The need for radical independence comes from trauma/ or unrecognized hurt.”
I’m probably butchering the quote, but it goes something like this.

I have the knowledge in mind, I have the understanding, and I can take action upon what I want to do. Though when it comes to being consistent, my nervous system sends me to bed beyond stressed. It’s a nightmare. Being locked in a prison of beliefs I cannot seem to alter. And believe me, I spend all of my time focused on digging deep into my belief system to understand why I’m the way I am.

How can I change my physiological beliefs in order to change the outcome of how my body reacts? And is that even possible?

A few years back, I read about NLP and The game. The idea of practicing something entirely counter-intuitive gave the actors of the practice outcomes and entirely different results than they were initially getting had they not engaged in it. Though this begs more questions:

Do we have a natural, base-line state, which is normal and comfortable for us? A state, which, once we let go, is sustainable. Not a state which, if we stop maintaining effort, crumbles away and leaves us with what we initially had (which counters the concept of effort.).

In order to discover if I had a baseline state, I decided to go find my rock bottom,
which I like to call walking through fire. I wanted to find my lowest point to see what I was made of, and ultimately what would stick.Walking through fire has the characteristics of burning anything or anyone who isn’t supposed to be in our life.
This can also translate as a process in order to see who’s real or not. I believe everyone goes through it at some point. Though, I also believe that the earlier we go through it, the easier life is in the long run. Imagine learning to walk when you’re old as opposed to when you’re young, if you fall your bones would break and the recovery time would take forever. It’s better to discover if we have a soul early on in life rather than the 10 last minutes of our life. It makes for a more harmonious journey.

And even though it opens your eyes to what works and what doesn’t, thus cutting away the superficial unproductive relations, activities, paths, we once thought we needed, but no longer do. It opens up a more adapted, harmonious, peaceful approach to living our life, in sync with who we are.

To the external eye, the idea of narrowing down our opportunities and enlarging our depths in specific areas can seem near stupid. Especially in a world where More is admired, and less is just… well less. But this perception doesn’t work for everyone, especially those of us who enjoy more minimalist type lifestyles.

So what can we do to survive in a world which wants more, when what you create is enough, but not for others?

Hatching down on one’s vision and holding tight to that north star can do wonders.
Obviously, going down the rabbit hole and uncovering our Pandora’s box free’s us from living in illusion, but also disables the generic life “everyone” else seems to have. We become specialists about ourselves. After narrowing down what suits us better, doing anything and everything doesn’t fit anymore. This is a good thing. It’s like having a generic supermarket suit and a tailor made Italian suit. One fits perfectly and it even makes us feel good as a result, while the other makes us look shabby and out of place.
It comes down to consciousness.

With the narrowing of external opportunities, other dimensions open up within between our ears. Which, in contrast, opposes anything forced and unflowing. In other words, trimming off anything which doesn’t enable flow. Meaning, having the ultimate circumstances for peak condition productivity. So, cutting away the trivial stuff which doesn’t make 100% sense and align with who we are is actually good if we want to be productive.

I’m all for Forcing circumstances in my favor, but every time I do I seem to make my life worse. It’s when I don’t do anything at all and let life happen that my life gets better.
I.e. Letting go of control./ focussing on what I’m curious about/ doing what is natural for me.

All of this enables creativity… it helps to materialize / manifest circumstances. It also confirms that supporting my vision is more important than brute force, to confirm to others that I’m doing something. By investing time, energy and even money into creativity and believing in myself, I’m almost garanteed to succeed in creating an art through my prefered medium of expression.

Then it comes down to external factors. Other people’s expectancies and how much time you have to be in an illimited fram of mind without others enforcing what they want you to do on you. It comes down to protecting your personal space and attention.

In a recent interview by Tom Bilyeu, Seth Godin explains the lengths to which Miles Davis, a wildly reknown jazz artist, became bitter as he became a Rockstar.
In becoming so he could no longer simply create his art. The subtle nuance here is that, once you become a commodity, or once you become a product, your creativity is no longer demanded, it’s simply about production and execution rather than the creative process. Which translates as your endurance being more important than your individual spark. The repetition of something meant to only last the time of its initial experience drains all form of emotion from it.

You know when you find a song that makes you feel a certain way, and you love the transcending bubble of euphoria you experience in it’s discovery. But, then you repeat it over and over and over, and after a week the song makes you nautious.

The letting go of emotion is a onetime thing. The process is the same everytime.
But the emotion its self is different due to it being more of less deep within you,
and different synaptic connections at different levels attached to things more or less important to you.

This leads to the inevitable conclusion that individuality and authenticity cannot be captured and reproduced without losing creative magic. In order to create art one has to be unknown, invisible or at least not pressurized and forced to produce results by any external influence. Which is the exact opposite of a job. Creativity thrives in freedom.

Another idea comes to mind where Jim Carry expresses he wishes everyone can be rich and famous to see that being rich isn’t the solution. And many other examples come to mind.

Adam Westbrook in his Vimeo micro-series narrates the beautiful concept of Painting in the dark. I found these videos around 7 years ago, while I was still in school. Westbrook describes that in order to create a masterpiece, one has to be willing to not have any recognition for a long time. Leonardo DaVinci and even Vincent Van Gogh(whom I’ve also read about in “Range” with the example of him trying a vast number of things before finding painting as his preferred medium of expression) spend years being unsuccessful and near invisible as failures in the eyes of society.

The idea that something is an obligation and forcefully done, takes away the magic in the creation process. We become somewhat dependent on performing at a standard others set, rather than letting the creativity and inspiration surge on it’s own, when its ready.

In a previous post, I explained how the quality of the information and the quantity mattered just as much, if not more than the output. Just like when we eat food, eating quality food will give us better health and well-being. Force feeding our minds, just like ducks are forcefed for foigras, leads us to over-saturate and produce on time,
but not at the quality we’d hope for, or with the well-being we seek.

Creation needs an subtle ecosystem. In order to preserve this micro-climate of creativity, the ecosystem needs to function in a rather specific way. In Flow, Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi explains the idea of creating a perfect environment where the capacity to be in flow is promoted and supported. Without it, flow gets disturbed from external circumstances. The capacity to create and be inspired is tampered with. As if living in a bubble of creativity. The creator environment must meet specific criteria.

Though, this criteria may change for everyone, I need heat, silence, air, electricity,
Wi-fi, privacy and space. Comfort doesn’t hurt but won’t stop me from ideation.
In idea creation, I generally need to be doing anything but searching for ideas or work.

Having said this, the pressure of having a day job can be disturbing to the fragile and delicate ecosystem of creation and lead the creative’s ideation process to get stressed and produce a lesser result than that of a natural process. Especially if the creative is sensitive.

A lot of writers tend to express Seth Godins idea of “Just Shipping“. Though, I find this process to be a forceful abstraction from where I stand on a creative level. I need to let my curiosity wonder. I follow my curiosity and it leads me down rabbit holes which hold nuggets of information I wouldn’t be able to use had I not followed the childlike curiosity to discover. Then, when I’m out of that creative mindset, I sit and edit patiently for hours on end, until I’m satisfied with the results of my ponderations and criticism. That’s grit.

After reading A technique for producing ideas by James Webb Young in my early twenties. I discovered how my personal creation process functioned.

1) Research:

Deep need to seek information related to current problem/subject. Digging into subjects. Reading. Listening. Etc. The sponge process where my mind imbibes every possible new idea and concept I didn’t know about yet. I do this over a period of time. I compound overtime and I then reach a…

2) Stagnation point.

Where my mind has had enough of researching. This is the time where I’m supposed to let go. Like Sherlock Holms or Dr. House, the process of searching is the same. They have an intense period of research where it gets serious. Then something gets intense and they…

3) Let go.

I personally go for a run or a bike ride or a walk in order to change my mind.
I also get these moments in the shower too… Dr. House plays with a ball, or gets caught up with something entirely different like speaking to his friend Wilson and while bouncing ideas of Wilson, House gets his “AHA moment“. The same goes for Sherlock Holmes, a case comes up, they do a little research, gather clues, then get caught up in something trivial which seems entirely opposed to the case and “AHA!


Once you have your AHA moment, write the core idea(s) down and let them flow onto paper. Or if you’re unfortunate like I am write them down on your phone while you’re cycling as to not forget them. When I’m fortunate enough to be at home,
I create a relaxed environment where I have heat, some music which appeals to me, and completely forget about the world. The music often gets me to enjoy and not have the impression of working. In that moment I write down all enlightened ideas which come to me.

5) Develop: Write drunk, edit sober.” Ernest Hemingway.

Your enlightened ideas are maybe brilliant, but you also have to transform them into coherent understandable language for other people. My creative language is that of ideas, that doesn’t mean my ideas are directly translated into a language everyone else understands. Which leads to correcting the content of my thoughts into consumable information people can understand and sometimes making it a little longer with examples so people can grasp what I’m on about.

If anything, the creative process tends toward letting our mind do all the work and if we could just get out of the way… I often find that I have to restrict myself from social expression with friends and even family in order to transfer the need to express myself into writing form. If I have access to too many friends, I get caught up with what they want to do. Expressing my ideas to them becomes hot air. While I cut off from people, my only medium of expression is writing or maybe some form of audio, which makes for better creativity and capturing ideas.

If you liked this article, drop a comment and tell me what you thought.

Here are Adam Westbrooks micro series on “painting in the dark”

DHL The foot in the door policy

Today, we’re ever so careful as to who we let into our intimate worlds, even though we expose everything about them for likes and follows.

Though, lately, I was struck by a particuliarity brutal knock at the door, and I mean litterally and metaphysiaclly…

A driver came to my door and asked for me to pay for The equivalent in taxes to the price of the product I had ordered online.

I had purchased a package online and I was exited to receive it, especially for the price I purchased it. Okay, it was a pair of optical glasses… okay..

The point though, is how I managed to pay for a pair of glasses and then have to pay for the equivalent price at my door. Well, I didn’t technically pay for anything I refused the package. But the concept that others will accept the package and accept to pay outrageous taxes isn’t too far outside of reality.

While, I stand up for myself and even get angry at any form of injustice, even to my own detriment. Other’s, less informed, or less temperamental, might get conned into the idea they should pay for what they ordered even if its a scam.

The concept is this.
1) You order your product from an online store. So far so good.

2) Great news, your product is a whole lot cheaper than elsewhere.

3) No delivery fee’s? How is this possible in the magic world we live in? I’m walking on air! So you go through and put your credit card in. Your order is validated.

4) After a few days, you receive an email confirming that your package has been sent to you and will take X days. In their email, a little form with minute detail will show the price of product and also that the taxes haven’t been payed for the product. In a big message, the company tells you that no organisation asks for money or payment.

5) After 2 or 3 days, DHL will contact you and tell you that they are awaiting payment. You don’t think anything of it, as in your first email no one asks for money.

6) You receive an sms, then another, then an email.

7) You decide to call them and ask them to send it back to the company, because there is no way you’re going to pay 28 Euros in taxes, while a pair of plastic glasses cost 30 before benefit. No way on earth I’m paying 50% taxes. Even if the product comes from America. You explicitly tell them, that the order is a mistake and that you wish to cancel order and get refund. They guarantee you that the company will do so.

8) A strong knock at the door the next morning. A DHL driver in your face at 9 in the morning, with a package and a slight smerk on his face. Like some sleezy second hand car salesman. You refuse the package with a subtle and well handled “I already called DHL and the guy on the phone said it would be sent back.” The driver responds: “Just in case you changed your mind”. So he was intending to try to get me on an ill prepared weakness. Just in case, I wasn’t prepared to say no and doubted my decision.

9) 2 weeks later, the company still hasn’t refunded me and tells me that the package was sent by mistake and wasn’t charged. Only, the package was..
And even though 30 isn’t a big thing to worry about. I’m slightly angry at the idea that such a sleezy company -*ahem *eyeglasses.com*, sorry I needed to clear my throat for a second- could get away with someone else’s money. Or even DHL delivery service could ask for the same amount in taxes than the company for the product.

DHL will come to your door, they will put your parcel in a limbo like space where, if you don’t pay, they will remain in possession of it. A little like an ultimatum.
You don’t want ultimatums in your life, or people who do ultimatums.
And if you don’t pay, you can’t have your order.

Don’t give your money to just anyone in this new year…

Stay away from DHL, and boycott eyeglasses.com.

Stay safe, be well, happy new year.

You can’t strive for a career and have enough mental ressources to succeed as an entrepreneur at the same time.

Get a job they said, it’ll be fun they said…
Study a career they said, it’ll be fun they said…

I’m about to stop you right now. I was 19 when I made the decision to follow my heart and discover, no matter what it took. Granted I was following the words of our mutual friend Benjamin Franklin..

… and granted, I was severely lacking in confidence. Even if my clarity came though moments where my confidence was more like a grandiose summit I’d reach before plummeting back down into the valley of doubt and wondering.

All this to say that where you are today reflects the choices you made 10 years ago.
Maybe I am rehashing someone’s quote, I have searched but could not find the author or it sadly.. But the point is that if today, you are somewhere you don’t like, it’s probably and most likely because you were following other peoples idea’s of what success means, or trying to succeed in their eyes, or that you weren’t listening to yourself. Or any other number of reasons…

Today, if you have a day job, I consider that to be a disadvantage. Not from the vantage point of trying to survive, obviously it would be foolish and stupid to say that having a job today is a bad thing if it puts a roof over your head. But that isn’t the point of this article nor of this blog and if you’re triggered, you’re missing the entire point.

In today’s world, having a day job is a disadvantage, especially when it comes to the creative pursuit. If you want to live a life of freedom, then you’ll need to act accordingly. I won’t forget that it’s important to have a balance of freedom and something important that you work for, a sense of passion, instead of something you hate that puts food on the table. Ultimately you’ll waste a lot of life doing something you didn’t want to do…

Obviously we all want money, or you’re probably in denial if it isn’t the case.
But, if you trade having the security of 200euros per month from a job which pays you 1200, then you’re not going to be able to use that 200 other than to soothe the pain you create making it through long hours of hard-work for someone else.
Not to mention, when you quit your job, you won’t have much of a security other than what you’ve been able to save away.

Now, trading the security and social pride of having a secure position at a firm, which you’ve studied for years to ensure… for the unknown, to discover what it is that makes you tick, what makes you happy, what you enjoy, what you despise, etc.
Is obviously an expensive and risky… risk. But, knowing deep down that you have an intangible faith, a belief that you will triumph and overcome the obstacles, that you will succeed somehow, because you have some unspoken vision deep down underneath, changes your entire journey and ultimately will help you obtain it.
You’ll end up with the possibility of a cushy luxury life others can only dream of.

There are many times where you will doubt everything you’re going through, and wonder what the point of it all is. You’ll wonder why you’re even here, and you’ll even question the point of living. Though, that’s where the faith comes in…

Having a job, although it gives you a firm conviction that you’ve somehow made it, is a false illusion of security. You still have to get up in the morning to jump through a few hoops so you can prove you’re not an entirely worthless asset to the company. It won’t however build you the structure and confidence to stand on your own two feet and create what you envision.

If you want to take the bridge over to “entrepreneurship” and the “creative life”, you’ll have to come to terms with the painful reality that you’ll doubt and go through painful self reflection on a recurring basis. You’ll become a seeker, you’ll have to find ease with the difficulty you go through on a daily basis.
Questioning family patterns, group patterns, facing isolation, facing your own doubts and judgements, having to look at why you feel down, why you feel bad, why you feel like shit. You’ll question everything. If crossing the bridge to get to the creative life is something you consider, try considering living with your family and getting on with them first, consider going through the burning pits of hell and then having to scramble back to the “socially acceptable box” you fell from to then aim higher, consider losing everything you know and love and your notoriety and material possessions, and the list goes on…

But, if all the possible things you’ve considered are worth going through to achieve your vision, what you’re hoping for… In that case, there is hope and combined with the faith you fortify along the way, there is possibility to endure…

Another point, because tonight I’ve decided to bash jobs a tad more than usual, is that while you’re on the job your mind is focussed on solving problems you’ve given. You’re given ressources to solve the problem, which means that your mind is busy churning out solutions or searching for them like a micro factory.
Your mind is then saturated for anything you want to focus on outside of work, in fact your entire energy ressources will be based upon and invested in something going the other way. Even a year after or two even, your mind will still have knowledge from focussing on those problems. I’m all for having an eclectic knowledge, in fact I pride myself upon having multiple sources and multiple allegories like in “Range”… but… if your primary focus isn’t upon building your internal vision, you’ll end up going in a direction which isn’t entirely of your choosing.

“Don’t quit. Never give up trying to build the world you can see, even if others can’t see it. Listen to your drum and your drum only. It’s the one that makes the sweetest sound.” —Simon Sinek

It takes time, and you’ll wonder what weird pipe you went down, but ultimately, you’ll discover that the freedom you inherit from stepping out of the known trodden path will lead you to higher hights than you could have ever imagined, according to the fact you believe in yourself enough to do so…

A Christmas Iteration

First of all, if I don’t start by saying Merry Christmas, I will probably forget.
And as it is Christmas after all, I can’t help but wish you a wonderful day full of surprises, good health, wealth and family.

But as I’ve decided I’m all business this afternoon, I won’t touch much more about Christmas while I’m writing this article.

Today, I awoke at five in the morning. Though, although, I always have a childlike disposition and propensity to go check at the door of my room for the stocking full of presents (family tradition), my first intention was to appreciate my morning while no-one was awake.

I found myself on the other side of a perspective I’d normally just witness. I went down stairs, to find the Christmas tree dark in a cold room. The lights were off and the heating also. Christmas hasn’t been feeling like Christmas, at all this year.

Maybe for good reason. I’ve evolved, I’m not simply in the backseat anymore.
I feel as if I am in a position of control again. Though this time, instead of unconscious blind control within the illusion of an unobserved life, I find myself having examined the deeper recesses of what made me tick and why.

I found myself, clearly and consciously thinking, not simply acting without thought.

This morning, instead of waiting for others to come and make the environment nice. I took action upon what I would have liked for myself and created the situation. The intention to enlighten, and warm an otherwise cold and uninviting morning, became the enlightenment and empowerment of my intent through conscious thoughts. I took control and stepped up to the plate. While also getting a good headstart to the day.

This morning was a milestone in my journey.

I’ve succeeded in being in charge, not like a boss, but like a leader. Unpronounced go all the different variations of iterations which have gone unseen or unmentioned but have, accumulated overtime to confirm who I am today. The struggle, constant, enduring and sometimes overwhelming, bared its fruit this morning and consolidated a lifetime of effort and striving to do the right thing. Only this morning was different,
this morning was a turning point in my story. A long deserved, and long desired change in dynamics.

As much as I have held on to my childlikeness for a long time. Letting go and stepping into what seems to be an accepted adulthood is, if nothing else, an empowered state of childplay, only with responsability and empathy for those around insteaf of focussed solely on one’s self.