“You know how they say
“the 5 people you spend your time with influences who you become” ?”
Hi! Welcome to my blog, I hope this post finds you well in this festive and comfortable season!
You know how they say “the 5 people you spend your time with influences who you become” ?
Well, we don’t always have the possibility to chose the people we want to have around us. Right?
Until recently, the idea that my fate would be tied to my location, the people around me (whether I like them or not, or even if I aspire to them or not…) as well as their minds, was something which created a specific amount of anxiety for me. Not that I fear the people around me or my circumstances, nothing could be further from the truth. Although, I am particularly picky about the time I spend, the attention I give and the subjects I want to devote my time to…
Though, the idea that my life is influenced by those around me and I have no control over those around me can produce a specific amount of worry. I really don’t want to pick up on certain habits, certain mind process’s or ways that don’t suit who I am developing myself to be.
On the one hand, picking people for your life is essential. In the doing we underline the examples we wish to copy. Like monkey’s we pick up on speech patterns, body language and other such subtleties which have made an impression on us because we have either liked the person or disliked them.
Csikszent Mihaly explains in his book Flow that “attention is our most important tool in the task of improving the quality of experience.“. And deciding who and what we give our attention to influences our lives in many subtle and important ways!
If you live in a town, going out and meeting someone specific to spend time with might be a bit of a challenge. Although not impossible, the chances are slim that the exact right people you need will be on your path with the same distinct reasons as you.
In fact, you’d probably waste more time and energy out and about than you would proactively getting done everything on your Important x Urgent list.
Pam Thomas a high end mindset coach describes the concept of energy leakage in his article https://thriveglobal.com/stories/are-you-leaking-energy/
“Depending on how we spend our $100 of energy it’s possible to expend it in ways that create an energetic deficit. When we become energetically deficient we then have to borrow that energy from somewhere…maybe from our own cells (making us tired and susceptible to fear, self-doubt, etc.) or from someone else (making us needy or dependent).”. In understanding that we only have a finite amount of energy per day, it becomes very clear that the attention we have (i.e. 100$ of energy) is better invested in activities which give back to us, individuals who are going in the same direction, or in something with a good ROI. (Sport, Education, meditation, personal development, healthy food, clear uplifting thoughts etc…)
In a recent GQ article on neuroscience, Dr. Lisa Feldman Barrett explains that our minds don’t function the way we think they do. How do we think our minds work? And with such a a variety of answers, how do we go about our everyday lives? On first hand, I’d bet that most people believe that the mind is made for thinking, stocking information… and alternatively the others don’t really wonder what the brain does at all… Though Dr.Barrett’s findings changes our understanding of how it functions and ultimately leeds us to driving our vessels in a more responsable and even more careful way. The concept of allostasis was proposed by Sterling and Eyer in 1988 as a process of reestablishing stability in response to a challenge. Barrett explains that our mind is merely a regulator, a controller to sustain our survival. “Every action you take (or don’t take) is an economic choice. Everything you think, feel, and do is a consequence of your brain’s central mission to keep you alive and well by managing your body budget.”
This being said, you’re probably thinking we’re incredibly off topic. We’re not.
Taking in to account that some people leave us depleted and tired after spending time with them.
Some even go as far as saying specific people are “Energy Vampires”, or “Narcissists“.
Though, lets stay on topic, I nearly lost you a few moments ago…
We’d rather leave conversations with people, feeling empowered, feeling confident and bold, ready to take on the world, right?
So how do we achieve that?
How do we find the people we aspire to?
How do we encounter those so-called people we admire?
And how on earth do we create our team of smart, high achieving, high energy people?
- It all starts with Self: We start by focussing on ourselves. Focussing on ourselves is the surest of ways to discover what we like, what we dislike, understand how we feel about this or that, as well as discover what we’re curious about. And this takes time, investment, and even going through the nitty gritty emotions. YIKES, I know you’re hating me right about now.. But it’s true. Going through our nitty gritty emotions by ourselves over and over again is how we grow and ultimately overcome them.
Be patient with yourself!
- Procrastination: Having spent a vast amount of time on naval gazing, as you might put it. I’d like to invite you to reconsider your perception of Procrastination. It is there for a reason, so no pressure, embrace it and learn to invite it into your life.
I generally procrastinate when my energy is saturated, I’m tired or low energy, or I need to breath from the depths I immerse myself with complicated topics.
- FocusMate: Okay, this might perhaps be the most important part of this article. The tool which enables you, with the right perception, to network, to grow, to exchange, and also to stay where you are and save your energy for better things. You know, the productivity and creativity in pt.2 and the
well-being I’m about to express in pt.4? Yes Ladies and Gentlemen, I’m talking about FocusMate.
Focusmate is an online Website/App which is meant to help you with your productivity and stay distraction free, focussed on your goals. Thats the primary reason we use Focusmate.
The secondary reason is not what it is programmed to do, but what is most beneficial to everyone you encounter. Smile, be Warm, be Yourself, and share. You might end up meeting some really interesting, upbeat people you’d never get the opportunity to encounter otherwise.
- Energy, energy, energy... Yes, we’ve talked about that a lot haven’t I?
You’ll need energy if you want to produce, work, focus on anything.
This means you’ll need good healthy food. This also means that you’ll need to channel the energy you do have into meaningful productive practices which give you an ROI. I’ll talk about this in my next article.
- Structure. Yes, in order to use everything I’m talking about and something you can rely on, you’ll need a structure a ‘goto’ reference which is tangible and malleable. For this, I use the good old Whiteboard, a written structured list compartmentalised and the help of some tools
I will add at the end of the article.
By using these 5 points, I get to meet high energy, ambitious people on a daily basis. I attract them because I am myself on that high level frequency ( The exercises, The food help to develop the energy for this). And I’m able to do it often because I’m following a structure I created for myself which allows me to follow it even if I have no clue of what I’m doing that day or even feeling a bit hazy…
If you’re interested in my personal plan,
sign-up and I’ll send it to you for
If my writing inspires you,
take a look at some of the books which have
inspired my writing.
GO TO LIBRARY
I thought I’d add some goodies:
Here are a Few Tools I like and use on a daily basis which get me to better focus, produce or simply keep track of what I’m doing or where I’m going.
Create an Effective todo list: Learning how to create an effective todo list can prove invaluable. This article has been life changing in how it has effected my todo list creation. In that before I actually didn’t know how to create on effectively. I also added the notion of the Eisenhower Matrix in that I will only put what is urgent and important & important and not urgent.
https://www.notion.so/: So you need to go to the Office to have a physical layout of what needs to be done and what has been done? NO NEED! Notion is the perfect app for tracking and organising tasks, for business or simply for home. You can keep track of
https://habitshareapp.com/: You know how I talked about developing habits earlier on in the article, the concept that you can track your actions over the course of time and visualise your progress and
percentage of accuracy.
https://slack.com/: I’ve found that if you want to distribute a research, a message, and target a specific group of people, Slack is the best place to do so. Let me explain before you judge me as someone exploiting the indigenous tribes… While I was working on a startup in Fin-tech I needed to find a FullStack Developer capable of building the App. While I had no clue of how to grasp a developer, especially in the midst of a COVID lockdown, I got creative. Low and behold, I found 35 developers by targeting Digital Nomad slack communities in the space of 1 week! Need I say more?
https://discord.com/ People like to use this for gaming, because that is what it is originally used for.
Though, I use it for the TEAM to talk on in order to get work done without the hassle of planning call’s etc. Once everyone is subscribed, its fairly easy, everyone can have a reachable online office to do their work. And the messaging system is pretty simple.
https://www.focusmate.com/ Conceived as a studying platform, I figured out after a while that it could be a place to network and find likeminded people, according that you do it right and don’t overstep boundaries etc. People are generally open to discussing what they do, they’ll tell you about their goals at the start of every session and you can use it for training your elevator pitch for Work, Social, Partnerships, learning about new tools or insights, hek even relationships why don’t you. But really.. do it correctly, no one wants unwanted harassment in the privacy of their own home!
https://miro.com/: “The online collaborative whiteboard platform to
bring teams together, anytime, anywhere.” The Crema team explain the functioning of the app (in this video) pretty well and while is it still a collaborative online whiteboard, what you can do with it is nothing short of genius.
If my writing inspires you,
take a look at some of the books which have
inspired my writing.
👉🏻 GO TO LIBRARY👈🏻