Tag: growth

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Your energetic networth

Our energetic networth is an accumulation of energy, of inspiration, of trust in the process of life, trusting in one’s self, and flowing with what feels right. It’s the subtle perception and understanding that we’re on the right path and that we have empowered that state over time, so that we develop confidence in our ability to atain it and access it over and over. A sense of emotional confidence, knowing that one is on the right path. Knowing that one is fulfilled and taken care of. A buffer of deep trust. Emotional networth is a reserve of emotions created as a result of being aligned with one’s self. It’s a state of faith and well-being that we are employing the right process which sustains our energy and grows it.

The value of what you put in your mind and who you spend time around on a daily basis defines the energy, beliefs, and state of well-being you ultimately end up with. Not to mention the vibrational frequency of the words you repeat on a daily basis. It all affects the quality of people and circumstances you attract to you on a daily basis.

Energetic networth, is knowing how valuable your energy is compared to someone who hasn’t developed that energy.

Christiano Ronaldo’s energetic networth is vastly different from the person who is a fat sofa slob, who doesn’t grow his energetic output, endurance, and overall emotional well-being and spends time numbing their senses with alcohol and numb tv programs which dull the mind’s ability.

But energetic networth isn’t solely our physical capacity, although it does participate in our ability to feel, and a healthy body is the key to feeling everything. Energetic networth stems from a mindset being constructed around the souls purpose, around what lights up the soul. Its an accumulation of what turns the soul on and lights the body up. It’s an accumulation of right choices of self love, and of being Heartfelt and aware about what is best for us.

Energetic networth is also a form of momentum in pursuing our bliss, which over time creates an ease in taking that internal direction.

We develop it by pursuing the emotional highs we get from going in the right direction, by pursuing the bliss which comes from being emotionally tuned in to yourself and what feels ultimately heavenly to you.

Energetic networth is compounded interest of self-love from the daily investment of loving ourselves and doing what is right.

Knowing the value of your energy, and who you let near it. Just like high net worth investors such as Buffet, they won’t go near someone who has a low net worth. It’s the same for energy, you need to be around people who boost your energy and give to you on the same level of energy that you give. If you’re around people who either have negative or lesser value, you are influenced by that. When you Share with other people, you exchange content/energy and you end up taking on what it is that they brought to the discussion. So when you spend time around people with negative energy, guess what… it rubs off on you.

When you grow your awareness around your energetic networth, you start to comprehend the importance of what you spend your time focussing on, thinking about, how you spend your time feeling, and the quality of your ‘being time’ which is all related to the decisions you make on a day to day basis.

When we decide for example to do things for money, we decide to put ourselves on hold while we exert and output results which will render a specific desirable reward for us in the future. This is problematic because it depleats our wellbeing as the process we enact isn’t fulfilling. In fact I’d associate unfilliling to dereliction (the state of having been abandoned and become dilapidated). So in a sense, doing unfulfilling work, for me as I understand it, is abandoning one’s self, or stepping away from our alignment with our highest self.

Okay, so you’ve probably already heard of how the concept of investing in yourself leads to growing your value. Well, when we decide to live a fulfillment lifestyle vs a reward lifestyle, we grow our value as we advance. And while we progress towards a virtuous future purpose, every step fortifies and empowers us, rather than depreciates or empties us. Reward is momentary, while fulfilment is a constant growth of our personal value.

When we make the absolute decision to focus on what is Good for us now (fulfillment), as opposed to what will be nice in the future (reward based), we grow our stores of wellbeing, we fortify states of emotion which are present rewarding, and we actually enjoy our life a lot more than if we have some future based reward which will –potentially, because its not writen in stone- make our life better.

In the last two years, I decided to go back to school to learn full stack development (coding), because I was insecure as to my ability to make money with my talents. Here’s why this was a mistake… I decided to learn to code, while I was at the hight of my ability to ideate and create valuable ideas, but also when I had reached a super positive internal state of being, I had developed me EQ to a point where I was happy and feeling fulfilled and well, I had reached a point of optmism and well-being. Then I decided to code, and I noticed a lot of problems starting to occur, as if my entire universe had decided to conspire against me. Suddenly shocks started to happen, fear started to occur, I somehow developed dyslexia and my ability to write and ideate flowingly became ebb’ing and dry, I stopped focussing on my emotional wellbeing, and started to obsess over the outcome of becoming a full stack developer, which would then give me financial freedom and so on. I also started to feel uhappy, and became hyper-sensitive and also angry (because I had filled my mind up with content which prevented me from being able to translate the subtle states of emotion I was experiencing). In other words, filling my mind up with code created a state of emotional illiteracy which prevented me from being able to deconstruct, describe, and process what I was feeling.

Why is this a problem? When you go through events in life, but you’re unable to cope with what you’re feeling, you’re at a severe disadvantage, especially as a writer. I need to be able to put my finger on emotional states which are intangible to most people because they are numb to how they feel, but more importantly, I need to put my finger on these states for myself, because these states of emotional depth are what allow me to remove the onion skins from my heart and feel more aligned and in tune with it. Which, surprise surprise, allows me to feel more in tune.

These are states or ressources which are external to us, which means that if we attribute our self-value or well-being to these things, we have to have them as a pre-requisit in order to access states of wellbeing and self-value. Which actually prevents you from obtaining them in the first place. Because if you don’t have self-value or wellbeing without them, you feel terrible, and doubt yourself because you’re looking at your life from a place of lack. In addition, if you do actually attribute these to self-value and well-being, but you end up loosing your success or money, you will most likely end up hating yourself and feeling the need to punish yourself. Which could end up costing you your life.

When you attribute your self-worth and well-being and tie them to what is in your control, you find peace with where you are. And this is the key to developing a succesful life and potentially creating a rich life. Because if you can accept your present circumstances and where you are, you accept ‘the present‘, and its only when you can open the present by ‘accepting’ it that you can access its gift, the ability to take action towards a future you desire. In other words, if you reject your present life, you feel bad, and if you feel bad, how can you see a positive future, let alone go towards one?

When you choose your journey, you can afford to be curious, you can afford to follow your interests, and you can afford to take a detour, because you’re not on a schedule for a boss who wants you to jump through hoops to create results so that he can then sell his company for a massive profit later on.

In addition, when you’re engaged with your own journey, and you decide to trust it, you can let go of ‘what other people think, want, and have’, because you can ultimately focus all your attention upon yourself and your journey. You can emotionally afford to detach from others because you no longer depend upon them for your well-being. Which you end up doing when you’re not aligned with your purpose, because you feel terrible and by consequence end up looking to others for constant confirmation for what you feel… Which means you’re looking outside of yourself for what should be inside from the start, your own validation of state and action.

We look to others to validate if pursuing money over well-being is okay. Why? Because pursuing money for money depleats us, and we know it deep down, that emotionally we are sabotaging our well-being for the future approval of others ‘I’m rich so you must love me’ which results in fat 40 year olds buying red convertibles syndrome. ‘You see, I have all this money, but I eat like shit because I feel terrible, because I do stuff I hate for the big bucks’ A red convertible is redflag for a failure to meet our purpose as a unique human-being.

I know this for a fact now. Pursuing things which will make me money rather than en-lifen me an enlighten me, results in self-sabotage, self-destruction, and ultimately wanting to kill one’s self. I’m a free agent who loves to be free, who lives for the high of being himself, who lives for his soul, who follows his heart and who strives to be in tune with himself as much as possible. Work for works sake is not it chief. And the reason I know this, is that I am unique, and I am different (as we all are) and my purpose here on earth is to expand as much as possible as myself, which takes tremendous self knowledge, Emotional understanding and internal fortitude, but also courage, self-belief, and hope. Pursuing what everyone else is doing to get money, to be loved for having money, to buy a house and car to be loved or accepted or to fit in… that is a recepie for disaster.

You end up diminishing your soul and wellbeing, and life force and sense of freedom, all that to possess stuff that no one gives three fucks about anyway.

  • ‘I have a house!’ … ‘yeah so do I, and?’
  • ‘I have bitcoin, love me…’ ‘yeh so do I, and no’
  • ‘I have a car, I can drive you places’, ‘yeh I have a car too, I can drive myself thanks..’

The truth is, we only have a limited time here on earth and if we spend it doing things which numb our senses and make us want to self-destruct, there isn’t much point in being here at all so we may as well make the decision to end it now if we’re not going to do what makes worth living. Every single person I’ve met who is money focussed is also EQ depleated and ends up sucking the living daylight out of you, because they have little to no clue about what they feel. So long as they can buy things and circumstances… they may as well buy a gun and end it. Because they’re living in a fear based control of life, living through the need for money.

Every time you realise and make a step in the right direction a powerful surge of energy shifts through you and makes you feel like the most powerful human being on earth. It makes you feel alive, enlightened and in tune with your highest self. You could be God in that moment. And because you have this massive enlightening feeling which consequently also helps you feel weightless, you are drawn to things which make you feel good, and you step towards virtuous ascent towards your own personal heaven.

Our energetic networth is built on growing our emotional well-being. I’d say that we grow our emotional networth through a series of events. These events come from our mental perspective and decision to go in the right direction. And because we are going in the right direction, everything fits into place and makes sense.

Life flows, not because we’re trying to control every single detail out of fear and perfection (which is a form of fear about nothing ever being good enough), but because we’re able to flow easily with it, and everything which is proposed to us in its perfect way, we are able to be in sync with what is proposed to us confidently, not because we have the support-feeling of being in control, but because we are able to be fully in trust of it and abandon ourselves to the process of life fully.

Our energetic networth is an accumulation of endurance/stamina and emotional joy and happiness, the deep deep feeling that we’re on the right path, and that everything is happening for us rather than against us. That we’re being perfectly guided by life towards exactly what we need to be doing. We are where we are because of who we are. And everything we have and are able to do, is precisely for us to use it at some point in time for the greater good. We are to find out what the highest version of ourselves is, and let go of forms of fear and control we believe will get us there.

Our emotional networth is built on the foundation that we are following ‘the right path’, not the path that is more secure or more lucrative, but the path which turns our heart on, the path that leads us to expand and grow towards the happier, more interesting, more life-full, adventurous, exciting type of option.

Here’s another thing, FORCE can never get us where we want to go. Essentially its a God’s journey, and we’re just here for the ride. Forcing God to go where we want to go, out of fear and all base states and emotions, we inevitably fall into the trap of thinking we’re in control, like a father watching their child grab the steering wheel thinking they’re driving, but then starts to panick when they grasp the responsiblity of ‘being God’. The good thing is that, we humans don’t need to have that responsibility, so long as we’re following what feels absolutely best to us.

In order to build an emotional wellbeing, one must build a clear understanding of how their EQ functions, and especially what feels empowering and practice that on a daily basis. There is a daily work of micro choices which feel best and one has to grasp what those are.

I’d say that, our emotional networth is the accumulation of thoughts, feelings which create a positive Karma Reserve. A reserve of confirmations and highs. Practicing what turns our dopamine on in the right way (not instant gratification), taking leaps of faith, having the courage to experience life with hope and optimism, and growing our access to that gracefully upbeat perspective.

But also, a crafting of our emotional sensitivity around good things and allowing ourself to be hyper sensitive. Because the hyper-sensitivity leads us to become hyper perceptive. But also leads us to have a more refined experience because we are aligned with the subtle states that we can only access from the perspective of being in tune and vulnerable to life. We can’t be vulnerable emotionally, when our job numbs us and gives us money as a recompense. The security of that recompense prevents us from being atuned to that super sensitive state in which everything is possible for us to experience.

When I was younger, I noticed something which shifted the way I functioned as an individual. When someone was popular, everyone ‘loved’ them and congregated around them. It was to a degree “I know I’m the best” energy. It was a certain energetic accumulation between knowing one had everything, and didn’t have to worry about ‘having’. Quite similar to the energy one associates to Maslow’s pyramid scheme when one has all the primary and secondary needs taken care of.

Once you have something, you don’t have to worry about not having it. This happens with money, women, and many things which seem ‘scarce’ but really aren’t. It’s the same thing that happens when you have something, suddenly that thing becomes abundant or accessible to you. When you have a girlfriend, suddenly women throw themselves at you. And it’s the same with popularity, when you know you’re the popular kid (because somehow I figured out how to be), you’re not worried about being unpopular, you’re mindset is in a very different place to the kids labeled as ‘loosers’ (who aren’t actually losers but have a hard time living under that heavy definition).

Matthew 25:29
“For everyone who has will be given more, and he will have an abundance.
But the one who does not have, even what he has will be taken away from him.”

This starts in the mind, with what we are grateful for, what we appreciate on a daily basis. We grow what we appreciate, and we reduce what we depreciate / denigrate.

When we focus on what is wrong and what we don’t have, we focus our energy on making ‘what we do have’ and grow our perspective of lack. And the more we grow our perspective of lack, the more it materializes within our life. Funnily enough, when we focus on what we are grateful for, what we have, and what we love and enjoy, we grow our mental references to those things, which enables us to percieve these things materialize in our life.

We all know the spoilt kid who had everything we could possible dream of when we were growing up. We didn’t have what they had, and we envied what they had. And to make matters worse, they didn’t care much about what they had while we would have given anything to have the same context of ‘ease’ and ‘abundance’. Well guess what, they couldn’t see the value in the thing when we could, and that’s what made it valuable to us.

When you decide to invest in yourself the right way. When you decide to invest in the direction you’re going in, it somehow gives you an increased feeling of validation, but also fulfilment because you’re doing what is right for you right now.

You only see life from the vantage point of where you are and what you’re aware of. You don’t see life from the vantage point of where you’ll be in 10 years. You see life from the perspective of where you are right now, with what you know right know, with what you’re aware of right now and with the advantage of your experience.

But here’s the thing, you can’t possibly imagine what things will be like in the future. Which is why you have to have a firm grasp of where you are right now and what feels good right now. And keep on doing what feels right. When you follow what feels good right now, you know exactly what you need to do, and you path opens up to you because you suddenly see the options and see what feels good right now. You have to embrace HERE, and emphacize how good and be convinced of being grateful for everything which is here and now.

Last summer I went to a tropical paradise myself, I was invited, but when we reached that island, the person I was with hated it. And here’s what I retain, I wasn’t focussed at all on the down side of the stay on the island, I was perceiving the upside of being there. Where they saw the flaws, I was given the grace and bliss to see the beauty of being there.

Paradise is not an island with clear blue waters. Paradise is not a place, it’s an internal state through which we see that island. Paradise is within us, and its only when we can access that internal paradise can we see and experience fully the state of paradise on earth. It’s a doorway we open with a fully open heart. And which is more, not something you can buy. You can buy your way to a tropical location, but if within you’re nasty, you’ll hate your stay and won’t experience the full bliss of being where you are. But developing that internal E N will lead you to percieve even the worst of conditions as a blessing, to see Gold where others see ruin, to see beauty where others cannot, and above all to appreciate the ride.

We’re chasing bliss…

Aloha

If you liked this writing, don’t forget to checkout my book:

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The right way, or the optimal way

What if we didn’t do things the “Right way”, but instead, did things the most optimal way?

Our body doesn’t come with an instruction manual. Oh but wait it does. Only, no one has taught us about it… (I’ll come back to this in a moment).

I’ve been thinking, I haven’t been very present on my blog in the last year. I do appologize. I’ve been working hard to aclimate myself to the new dynamics of my life. Having lost my father last April, my personal dynamic has been out of whack.

Not only that, I’ve been pretty lost, because I spend the better part of 2023 learning Programming languages. I’ve been lost, because when you do something you’re not supposed to be doing, you end up cloging up your way of thinking. You end up going against what works for you and you end up creating problems.

As a writer, learning to ingest code and then output code, has been like putting mud into my verbal flow. Rather than flow, I’ve experienced a bit of ebb. Rather than experience the subtle and intangible whispers of my soul, I’ve been quite insensitively laying down logical bricks of code. Rather than the refined and light caress of words and ideas under my breathe, I’ve been forcefully producing code, mentally hammering it into it’s functional and pragmatic place.

There is nothing so deadening for the soul than to consume something as a computer language. Perhaps finance, I wouldn’t know as I’m purely soul driven.

Anyway… I’ve been thinking lately, since I got into code, I started to neglect myself, I wasn’t listening to how I felt. And because of this dynamic, I ended up feeling incredible fomo, because I wasn’t producing anything from the soul, I wasn’t able to express myself clearly, and I was stuck in a numb wordless state, unable to put words on what I wanted. Though, I did become incredibly aware of what I wanted suddenly. All the things that money can buy, to fill the internal abyss which had been created due to lack of respect for my gifts and optimal ways of functionning.

I ended up wanting to travel, things that money can buy, things I didn’t have. All of this started to arise, because I wasn’t able to accept, embrace, or even value what I had and everything surrounding that. I was focussed on filling the mind with functional logic understanding. I wasn’t able to access any form of acceptance for the perfectly optimized life I already had.

You see, I’ve been a writer for a long time, my mind favours words [in the VAKOG I’m an audiory 1st, then visual, then kinesthetic]. but also, I’ve never had a thing for maths as a kid. I was always an ideas kind of person. I’ve always been hyper aware of my soul, and its fine expression. What I already knew before learning code, is that my life is taylor made for me, and everything I have at my disposition is perfect for my purpose in life. The parents I had/have, my interests, my friends, my awareness, my understanding, my mindset, my mental process’s, what lights me up, the gifts I’ve recieved, the things I’ve been proud about. Even my date of birth resonates with expression [21 = 3]. I’ve studied literature and philosophy, I’ve also studied law, I’ve been in sales, and in customer care, I’ve written a few books, and this blog for a while.

Looking back at my life, I wanted to understand what I could do, and if I could push my ability to expand a little. And I have expanded, and even grown, but there’s a fine line between growth and stress, once we step over growth and stumble into forced action, we’re no longer growing, we’re saturating to the point where we’re not able to recover the same.

So, as I said, I’ve been thinking.

Instead of functionning from a place of lack, from a place where we need something external as a compensation for our not paying attention to what we’re feeling. Instead, if we decide to focus on what we have, and what our gifts are, suddenly we access a degree of wealth no money can buy, and what’s more, we’ll do a far better job/work because we do what we love, so we’ll get recompensation for our ability.

When we function from the inside out, rather than the outside in, we fill ourselves up, we heal, we grow, we feel good. When we live from the outside in, striving for goals, wanting externalities, and so on, we’re in a state of lack, so we’re at a disadvantage. Instead, it’s important to see how what we do, what we have, and our purpose all align. When we look at our purpose and our gift, we realize we have abundantly more than we know what to do with.

I did say, I’d talk about the right way and the optimal way, so here goes.

As a man thinketh, so is he. But something is missing. I can’t simply cut out my emotional intelligence. My heart is my spiritual guidance. And if I am not attuned to how I feel, I will simply become beligerant with my words and actions, and by extension with those around me.

For better or for worse, my mind is a tool which serves my spirit. My spirit talks trhough my EQ and my mind serves my spirit. Not the other way around.

My spirit needs to be lit up, it needs to be inspired. My spirit is inspired by the fuel I feed my mind. Not the other way around; my soul is not fuel for results, results are output of my souls process.

My soul dictates the way, my mind is in service to that way. And my body is here to house my soul and mind for their journey. My emotions are indicators, like lights on a dashboard, to indicate whether I am hot or cold in “doing” my life purpose.

I am supposed to create, to write, to output, to express my soul. I am supposed to listen to my emotions, not make them scream at hyper intensity and take that out on my body through the need to “channel” my energy.

I am supported by angels for my mission. My words are translations of my subtle essence. I cannot force my body or soul, only my mind. So why let the mind think it can force the soul?

If we reverse what we normally do, what society has taught us, we may get a path that works, one that’s functional for us.

  • Instead of letting the mind use our soul and body, let the soul use the mind. Which will then empower the mind to empower the body, able to listen to it.
  • Listen to your emotions, they’re the guiding lights in your present moment to clarify if you’re on the right path.
  • Cherish your body as a temple for your soul.
  • Obey your soul.
  • Go at your own rythme.

Shut out the world, and the noise; and learn to accept your heart. As, you will find there the door to your soul.

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Put a bit of Heart in your Head.

I want you to remove from your head the belief that you have little time. I want you to remove the pressure from your heart. I want you to embrace that you have all the time in the world and that the dream you so desire is unfolding as you let it.

Your deepest desires are not too far from reach. It is the fear, it is the doubt, it is the frustration and the external pressure that everything must happen NOW, and that a sense of external urgency force-fed to you over and over prevents you from actually being able to appreciate your present moment enough to build with it or even trust in it, that the life you so desire is only around the corner.

You are wonderful, maybe no one has told you today. And the idea that you are somehow lacking in some foreign way prevents you from sitting in the hot water of your hearts bath.

Immersed in love you are my friend, and yet you are blind to the abundant and limitless bliss that surrounds you.

If you could only remove the contrast and comparison of the the agressive perfection you are attacked by day by day; could you fully embrace the wonders of your graceful heart.

I want you to see the good, to see the well of goodness that surrounds you, and which emanates from within you. For you are different, you are special, you are here on a mission, and your sole purpose is to shine from within that incredible heart.

You are here to serve others, not as a slave, but as a master of your ship. You are here to serve others by being in service to your good heart. By being loving, and warm, and patient with yourself, and by allowing yourself to believe that the beauty you envision and so hope for is waiting for you behind that dreadful wall you distrust so much; the fearful future who holds over you what you want not, dictating the miseries of all the world.

Step aside, there is another path; faith. Have faith, and even if you don’t believe in some higher force, in yourself, and that for all the goodness that resides within you the world will somehow try to pull that out of you and bring it to the surface. Trust, that your good heart only has one purpose; to live within Love (to love and be loved).

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The intention of love.

I think, maybe the greatest tragedy, is that we don’t compliment the people we love nearly enough. And yet, we compliment people we admire, strangers,. Because they’re new and we pay attention to new. We pay attention to celebrities and megastars, because we aspire to them.

But the people who’ve always been there, who are loving, who have supported us every step of the way, or at least most. They get the most ungrateful return for birthing us into the world. They create us, yet they get the most stick. The people who stand by us and are there every step of the way, they get ignored, or worse we disguard them, because they’re there, simply in the background perhaps. Because these loving, caring, patient people, are in high supply, we value them less.

Human beings are wierd, they value what is rare, because some thousands of years ago what was rare was valuable for survival. Food wasn’t available in the fridge so they had to hunt and risk their lives faced with wierd looking scaly predators with big teeth. Then Gold became an important tool to measure payment to who had something of value instead of seashells.

And then somewhere along the way, having a crown watch or a red car became a signaling good to express that we have a surplus of material and we can afford to splurge on luxury, or unessential to survival. When we have everything covered financially, we can focus on the superficial aspect of things. Which is why, women tend to show superficiality as a marker of wealth (a lot of the time). Its a signaling state of their inherant value, or that society places on beauty. So they invest in signaling brands, signaling activities, signaling surgeries to show the level of worth they believe they are. And they become ‘rare’ or at least they act like they do, because they are in high demand due to the desirability factor.

But, back to what matters. The low demand, high supply in those we love.

It’s not because we don’t need someone, or that we don’t depend on, or require someone to do something for us, that they have no value. It’s simply that we can’t see that value because they’re not proposing the value proposition that we’re searching for.

So, when we have a parent who doesn’t necessarily meet our requirements for what is interesting or we meet a young woman who’s pretty, exciting and engaging and on our level; the natural response is to disguard them, or to ignore what they’re saying, or to be disrespectful in some way, or to belittle whatever value they bring to the table. This couldn’t be further from the right way to be.

The thing I like about Italian families, or Chinese families, is that multiple generations live together, supporting each other within the household. Obviously, in our western world, everything is disconnected, we become bachelors, live in houses on our own, and attract women who use all forms of signalling to show they have worth.

In my own way, I propose that everyday, instead of finding something that someone can be of value to us for, we find ways we can be of value to them. Paying back, being of service and being uplifting and supporting to those around us. Even if they’re not ‘seemingly’ making our lives better.

The thing is, I realized when my dad passed, that it’s not because someone is present that they don’t have value. And its not because someone’s not proposing something we value, they that don’t have value. What I like is subjective proportional to my standards and expectances of life. What someone else has to propose is proportionel to them. In every expression there is contribution, and everyone has a different expression to contribute. Which we’re all, too often, busy trying to disguard because it doesn’t fit the shopping list we want and aspire to.

Maybe, take a moment to value that we’re not all the same. That we all have different abilities, and we’re not all Leonardo Davinci great in everything we do. But we are great, in the intentions we put forth.

In my fathers last days, I realized that its not the perfect expression I wanted from him so much that I miss. It’s his presence, its his warmth, its his reaching out, its the exchange. It’s the little messages to see if I’m okay, and to checkup on how I’m doing. It’s the intentions to do the little things which make us ‘feel’ supported, which make us ‘feel’ valued. Even if the way its done is not perfect.

And these little intentions, even if they’re not expressed in the perfect way we want, make us feel the perfect way we want to feel.

The way our loved ones make us feel, is deeper than our mental standards, anything that someones wordly expression can bring forth.

In order of importance, our words and the way they’re used, count for 7% . While our tonality counts for 38% and our phyiscal expression counts for 55%. The words we use are by consequence of little value. It’s important to use the right words, but how those words are said, and with what intent matters much much more.

So, its worth noting the value of a relatives intangible and sometimes invisible intentions which influence the way they make you feel. The magic is under the surface, in what they bring out of you, and how special they make you feel.

Don’t lose any more time bikering about the details. Embrace the time you have left, focussing on whats important. The intention.

All the best,

Cherokee Goldberg

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18 useful points (and a tiny smiley face)

New year, same me, different perspective, new goals.

Before reading anything:

Feel free to interpret this however it will serve you. I’m not a dictator. I don’t impose what I write as a cookie-cutter solution for everyone. What you perceive in this may resonate, it may not. Read between the lines. Take things with a pinch of salt. And if you like something, leave a comment or a thumbs up so I know that I did something to good for someone.

I’ve decided to start documenting my journey, and build openly from 0€ to 1M, so that I can provide value for anyone who is struggling to make money and create actual value online. As well as keep trace of my journey. It’s also good because it give me a form of accountability. 

So far I’ve found these points to be of use to me.

Driving factor

This being said, there are many ways to make money online, though it is brought often to my attention through the people I encounter, and through my reading, that attempting anything solely for money just does not work. In fact, whenever money is the driving factor, I most always obsessively burn myself out because nothing else matters. And ‘else’ does matter. 

I confirm this through my own experience; over and over I’ve encountered failure after failure. Not because I’m not hard working, but because after a while, I lose interest, I lose the drive, and my focus fizzles out. I move on to the next, and lose interest all together in anything related to the project. Why? Because money isn’t fulfilling, it’s rewarding, and reward doesn’t fill you up, the fulfillment you get during your process does. And I believe it’s Steve Jobs who said that ‘the only way to do great work, is to Love what you do.’

Some people can do things solely for money, though I’ve found that money can never be a decision factor for me. I like money, I enjoy using money, and I enjoy all the things I can do with money. Though, at the end of the day, it is a tool, something to help you (be, do, achieve, render service, have… etc). Money doesn’t fulfill you, especially during the process of acquiring it. At least it doesn’t for me. 

I’ve found that, if money is at the top of my decision pyramid, all of my core values aren’t as important as money and I become corrupted (corps-rupture = cut off from the intelligence of my body) and end up going down silly paths. In fact, without values, one becomes a wh*re for money (excuse my French) and all of our important values get thrown out of the window. Hence why we live in a society where most of our social media is based on hype and click bait. 

Define Values

So, it becomes increasingly important that one define their values first and foremost and then strive with the framework of those values as invisible guiding forces. If we stray away from our values, we most often find ourselves doing anything, and anything doesn’t necessarily allow us dignity, or a constructive lifestyle. 

I’m a big believer that the process and standards we impose on ourself is what we impose on others. So, if we stress ourselves out and whip ourself into action; guess what, we’ll most likely do that to others. So, self-love becomes quite important too in the achievement of one’s financial success. 

And come to think of it, I can’t allow myself to start this journey with you by saying — as I said earlier on — I’m going from 0 to 1M. Sure, that’s a nice vision to have. But it doesn’t drive my actions, and it can’t drive my actions. It does give me an indicator of scale, of importance, of the value of my work, and impact I have on helping others. This is what I can see within the 1M reference. 

Process

The larger the number, the more pressure I put on my creative process. But, we human-beings are not coal, we don’t transform into diamonds. I’m all for pressure and steel forges steel and all that but, when it comes to quality, I like the approach of a local butcher my father introduced me to many years ago. Let’s call him Mr.D.

Mr.D was a butcher and farmer who believed that the quality of the meat he sold to his clients was directly affected by the quality of the lives his animals lead. A stressed cow produces stressed meat. An unstressed cow however would produce a tender meat. So Mr.D decided to let his cattle roam free the entirety of their lives, right up to the very last second where he’d drive one up to the back of the shop only a few hours before displaying it to customers. 

What I take from this, I apply to my creative process. The quality of the input of information I consume, is defined by the intention and quality of my state and mental process, and the result is that a quality input, and a quality process produce a highly valuable output of information/solution/production that has served me well. And this, I intend to continue doing. 

What the 1M reference doesn’t take into account is personal fulfillment, enjoyment, the quality of the journey, the value of my work, attention to detail, how much effort will go into providing something that people want. The personal side of the venture. The joy I take in discovering a new fact, or ideate a new solution. 

When people lose interest and / or fulfillment on a job, they move on. This is why, being aligned with what we enjoy is of utmost importance. Which brings me to my last year. 

Understand your nature.

Since September 2022, I decided to go back to school to become a Full stack developer. And since this period, I have spent the majority of my time reading, testing, applying code. While it does have upside, and it can be helpful to produce solutions. I also saw a lot of downside to learning code. 

I saw my mental clarity become scattered, my handwriting started to slant backwards, my ideation flow became ebbed and because I’m an auditive primary (vakog) less words = less expression, my thought process became less fluid, and I became less and less clear about how I am feeling, what my intuition is telling me, as well as losing interest in being in front of a computer screen at all. 

And for a writer, or at least a creative dreamy ideator like me, this means feeling dead. Sure, I could write code, implement control structures, automate outcomes and add Api’s to things. But at what cost?! Because, my sole purpose to learn code was to get a job that could provide a stable income, I was doing it for money. Not necessarily because I ‘loved it’. 

Straying from your nature will produce anti-productive outcomes

Another thing I’ve observed with ‘doing something we don’t like’ is that when our daily process is spent doing something we don’t enjoy for the purpose of money, we end up seeking forms of pleasure and instant gratification that we wouldn’t normally have to if we were fulfilled by a work well-done. I believe the quote is to ‘live a life we don’t want to escape from’. 

We can’t live a life we don’t want to escape from, if we spend the majority of our day focused or thinking about something which isn’t what we truly want. And so, the inevitable solution is to find what we love to do. 

Connect the dots.

In order to succeed, I’ve found that we must connect the dots looking back and define a theme. My theme is [Ideation, writing, speaking, creativity] verbal expression/ communication. If I disconnect from that, I will feel a lack of enlightenment. I must read every day in order to write every day, and I must write in order to have clarity of mind. And in order to speak well, I must have clarity of mind and references of ideation, which come from reading and writing. 

This is the paradigm I must live in. If I don’t apply it, it becomes my prison. If I do apply it, it becomes my liberation. But either way, it seems to be the only path which I can travel which fills my soul, and gives me the clarity and energy to do anything and everything else. 

Without food and words, life isn’t really worth living. Love comes and goes apparently, but food and words must be daily. 

Deliver Value to others

I’ve found also that in order to succeed and do well in business, one has to wrap the entire business around two points. The first is to make that business customer centric. The second is to be in love with the process of delivering results to that specific customer. And I believe that if we have both ingredients, it hightens the probabilities of achieving a successful business. 

Use contrast to understand yourself and see life more clearly. 

Over the last few years, I decided to go experience as much contrast, difficulty, and even pain and embarrassment as possible. (Bear with me, there is a method to my madness). In order to create the fuel which would propel me towards achieving the pleasure I wanted. 

When I left high-school (2012, a good number of years ago now..), I observed that I was ambitious, but I had no drive, no motivation to make money. I was good at everything else in life, but money was not my strong suit. And I needed money to afford living a lifestyle that would attract the woman I’d want to be with. So, I devised of a plan to suffer and create references that I’d never want to ever experience again, in order to fuel me towards the desired outcome I dreamed of having. Drive is defined by an axis of Pain and Pleasure. 

Now, enough about me already.. How do I intend to succeed? 

Discover your zone of Genius / Strength

When I was younger, I noticed that I could do really well in one specific area; sports. I hated school, mostly because I rejected all authority (as an aftermath of rejecting the example my father lead), but I had a lot of energy to apply. So, I became the football captain and striker, I worked obsessively to run faster, and I’d train over and over until I could put the ball where I wanted. And so on… Okay, nothing special yet.. Then, I started to notice that because I was doing well on the team, I started to do well with the guys on the team. And because I did well with the guys on the team, this transfered to my social too, so I started to do a lot better with women because I could lead men. (I think lead is a strong word for a kid who could put a ball in a net, influence might be more appropriate). 

Doing well, and focusing on my strong suit, allowed me to develop confidence. This confidence allowed me to become more popular. And that popularity, allowed me to shine who I was. Now, I all of that was based on physical prowess and the fact I peaked in high-school and seemed to have some sort of a clue of how the world worked. I didn’t, I simply understood how to work social situations to my advantage, like most students in school… Doing what was trendy, standing out, and being loud somehow, but also a little vulnerable. but I digress.. 

Focusing on my strong suit, allowed me to Shine. And in my ability to shine, I became attractive, outgoing and popular. So, that is a success for a student, who wants to be liked by his peers.

Focussing on my strong suit / what comes naturally to me, and going all in on what only I can do, in addition to finding a pain point to provide a solution only I can provide due to my strong suit, will allow me to produce a high output of value overtime, without too much fatigue. Because at the end of the day, its all about consistency and compounding of value. 

Be the Master your own narrative. Be selective of who puts what in your mind. Define your own future.

Which brings me to determining, What empowers you the most in the world? The information related to solving your present/current pain point. The one which will enable you to 10x yourself. The insight that will help you define the next clear step and direction you need to take.

As human beings, we are interested and curious about the future, but we’re not able to determine it clearly. We love predictions and astrology and even the doomsday theories we imbibe when we listen to .. any random youtuber today, about “how the end of the financial market..” or how “AI will put an end to.. and you’ll get left behind…”. The point is, we focus on these ‘alert’ messages, because we want information about how to go towards the future without encountering death. We need to prevent death. 

Though, when we’re preventing death, we’ve already lost the game. 

Hone the present day

You see, the most important thing to note is that, if someone else is telling you how the future is, they are dictating not only the future you will go towards, but they are robbing you of the power to take action in the present. Without a compelling future to go towards, we are robbed of the gift within the present moment: the possibility to take inspired action to build towards that future. 

So, it’s my understanding, that if we reject the future, we will also reject our present, which prevents us from doing anything of value. 

In contrast, I’ve understood through my own experience, that we must START where we are. When you choose the state you are currently in, and accept it. You can start working towards where you want to go with the thing you want to evolve.

  • Start where you are mentally, find where you are on your internal path.
  • Start where you are physically, what weights can you lift and grow your muscle with here, not the heaviest you can lift, but what can your muscle comfortably support.
  • Start with where you are emotionally, what are you feeling right here and don’t repress it.
  • Start where you are financially, what do you have and how can you BEST use those finances for the best impact Right now? Instead of wanting more to do what you can already best start.
  • Start out where you are health-wise
  • Start out where you are relationship-wise.
  • Start-out where you are business wise, start with what you’ve got and do the best you can.
  • Start out where you are spiritually.
  • Start out where you are habit-wise.

When we can accept where we are, first and foremost, we can decide to empower what we have and appreciate what we have. When we reject where we are, what we have, we can’t use it to our advantage, we can’t build on it, we can’t grow it. We must start from where we are. If you can start from where you are, you have control. You don’t have control or power over something that is out of your reach.

Community

I’ve gone at it alone, a lot. Simply because I needed to make a lot of mistakes, and test a lot of things quickly. Though, once those things are over, one tends to feel somewhat isolated. And success isn’t supported by isolation, its supported by networking. We succeed as part of a community we participate in. Even if its simply being seen, witnessing someone elses presence can be a huge determiner of how well you perform. Being around other entrepreneurs and solopreneurs is a massive game-changer, and saves you a tremendous amount of time. Not to mention that it keeps you accountable to live up to your word.

Join a club, have a team

When, I was younger, I played soccer on the local team. I didn’t think much of it back then. All I knew was that I practiced a lot, and put in a lot of personal hours on the side. Though, with retrospect, being a part of a whole like a soccer team is valuable. It gives you a standard to perform at. On your own, you are at the mercy of even the wind blowing in a direction. When you’re surrounded by a team, you are within a structure which imposes a certain form of conduct, and expects you to live up to the same goals. So it’s important to be around other people, even if you don’t necessarily have the same values, who have a a similar goal to you. You’ll become alies in mutual success.

Having a clear and meaningful vision.

Lack of vision is probably the most painful state. Because nothing is clear and everything is anarchy. In order to make sense of anarchy, one must have a point to aim for, otherwise one gets swayed and caught within the disorder of what is passing at that moment.

Having a clear vision is also motivational. It helps give meaning to the actions and process we enact while going towards it. If the outcome is a meaningful vision, then the journey towards that vision will be all the better. Taking action, simply because it fulfills the steps layed out to achieve an outcome which has no meaning to us is worthless. And what is more, detached from our internal journey we travel while we work. So a meaningful vision is fulfilling as much as it is useful.

Enjoy the journey.

For the past 10 years, I’ve killed myself to produce outcomes, reach achievements and so on. But.. Living in a future which would never come. This is a draining way to live life. And what’s more, we miss out on the present life we have, while waiting for a better situation which could potentially never arrive. That, in my view is a waste, and I suppose I could say its ungrateful to God for the present circumstances given to us. If we truly appreciate what we have, then we also appreciate our present moment and time enough to optimize how we experience them and what we do with them. Living for the future is ungrateful of the present, and also if that future is taken away, your sense of meaning goes too.

Another thing; when you enjoy the journey, you are in joy. And when you enjoy yourself, it makes your experience worth living. Being in stress all the time wrecks havoc in your health, or at least your health takes a toll. Having faith in the journey and enjoying what is in front of us is beneficial.

Choose appreciation and Gratitude over impossible standards and complaints.

When we appreciate what we have, just like in trading when an asset appreciates, we grow what we have. Or at least we grow the reference of what we have within our internal kingdom; the mind. Being grateful for what we experience, for what we have, and for those around us, grows the amount of references/seeds we have within.

Embrace what is in front of you.

For the longest time, I rejected what was in front of me. The people, the environment, pretty much everything which wasn’t what I didn’t want. And so, I disempowered myself as a result of rejecting what was around me. Everything around us can be considered a block to build with, and if we’re so stubborn as to believe that the grass is greener somewhere else, then you never water your own circumstances. Its with gratitude that we grow our current circumstance, and we’re able to make use of everything that is around us.

Ex: I need to go to silicon valley in order to be around the best in the world. But, if I actually look around, there are startup incubators around where I am. There are successful people here too. There are opportunties here, and great people to network with. And whats more, if I don’t succeed here, why do I expect to succeed there? I’m simply saying I need a better looking building and people in order to be able to achieve what I can achieve here anyway if I put my limitations and blockages to bed.

I think its Walter Wattles, in The Science of being Great, who said that: one must do a great job where one is, and only with a certain frame of mind can one grow out of ones circumstance.. That one will find ones personal mediocrity in every circumstance, until one becomes great where he already is. — I hope I’m correct, although I’m quoting from memory, I read the book a long while ago…

Breathe.

Rome wasn’t built in a day. There’s no point getting yourself into a heart-attack by trying to have over night success, because everyone else is applying this AI tactic… Your boat won’t leave without you. Or as is said in Conversations with God, you can’t fail. You may take a detour, but you will get there at some point. Just don’t give up.

Take a break and breathe from time to time. Contemplate everything you have achieved. Witness the beauty around you, or if it is lacking, imagine something beautiful. Turn on some classical music, or a tune that elevates the mood.

Sometimes, doing more work isn’t the solution. Taking a step away to see the picture clearer later on is.

You aren’t subject to VC’s, no one is on your back expecting an elevated return (hopefully). March to the sound of your own drum, and listen to your own rythme. After all, we’re not in school anymore, the only person who takes care of us, is us. And if you don’t respect yourself enough to slow down once in a while, no one else will.

If you don’t have a plan for yourself care, someone will have a plan for you, and that doesn’t look healthy.

🙂

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We can’t see the Love that cradles us, until its gone.

Family is only for a brief time. It’s a loving passage. It doesn’t always feel good, nor does it have to. And the funny thing about this message is that, only those who have witnessed this can recognize it, and those who have not cannot comprehend, because they haven’t experienced it, so the words don’t ring the same way. We can’t acknowledge this message before loss, only after.

I knew I would lose my father, I knew that some day my grand parents would die, and so on. I’d prepare, and sometimes be nostalgic by contemplating the fleeting time I had left with my dad for example. I knew the time would come where the inevitable would happen. But, only after his departure, nearly a year now, can I see certain things for myself.

And despite all and any attempts to percieve things the way I see them now, I couldn’t possibly contemplate how I’d perceive life, and ‘become’ after his departure.

Which brings me to the inevitable: we live a wonderful life, full of pains, and frustrations, surrounded by family entities, and sometimes family members we hate. We take that presence, whether good or bad, for granted. I like to describe it as free-love. People who love you, despite all and everything. They’re just there, no matter what. They are like the walls in your house, you don’t have to wonder about them, they’re just there. Even across sea’s. We perceive them as everlasting, continual, constant.

And so, come good, come bad, come up, come down, come snow, come rain… they are there, and we don’t know any different. How could we know any different, we haven’t experienced a life without them. The only life we know is with them, somewhere.

Until, the inevitable happens. And then, the warmth, the guidance (even misguidance), the exchange, the concern, the witness and witnessed, the observer, the loving presence, is no longer. It’s just quiet, silent, peaceful, nothing.

No one outside of your life knows, no one is any better off, but suddenly, that one part of your life simply doesn’t exist. As if you drive on a road every single day of your life, then suddenly the road is closed, and gets removed from existence, you can no longer take that road to go converse and exchange, be seen, anything. Gone.

The life you know, the exchanges you’ve had, the people… no longer exist. An entire personal support system falls apart over-night. An entire way of functioning, of exchanging, of being within a family unit. Rendered void over night. This isn’t good or bad, it’s simply new, different, other. An inevitable adaptation. Kind of like if your leg gets chopped off in an accident, you just have to accept that the way you’ve lived is gone and you have to move on to live differently now. It just is.

Now, I say all of this without any attached emotion, I feel like I’ve been over my attachments and my pains and so on. No, I’m saying all of this as an observation, that the way we believe life is, in our entitled little bubble of complacent self-centeredness, isn’t our fault. It’s a guiding force, a buffet if you will, of experiences, characters, and love, to show us who and what we want to experience. It gives us keys, and pieces of our puzzle so that we can decipher who we are. All the while preventing us from fully stepping into our entirety.

I believe that, a man can’t fully become a man, until his father is no longer in charge. This can be through death, or perhaps simply stepping aside as the natural order happens. Though, however this comes to pass, a man is only in his fathers shadow until the time comes for him to grow into his shoes. And that can only happen when he is faced with himself, with all the responsibilities his father carried before him, and most everything he was unaware of beforehand. I believe a man becomes a man, the day he suddenly has to face life full on with no one to help him but his will and his courage.

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Our ascent starts the moment we let go of the weight

It all starts in the mind. With a decision.

Up until now, I’ve learned to listen to my higher self, or to a degree what I thought was my higher self. I’ve observed and strived to be in alignment with myself. And so, despite my fathers indications I followed my higher-self and wrote a blog. This felt right. It felt good. Maybe I was simply caressing my ego, maybe I was giving myself a boost of self-confidence, by taking time out from ‘real life’, maybe… It then lead me to publish a book, then a second, then a third, a blog, a newsletter, and then go back to school to learn how to code.

Then, my father passed away. I had no one to fight against. All of my habits had been in contrast to something / a point of view, in opposition to someone. Then, there’s no one there to rebel against, the invincible rock I spent my life verbally pounding against, was no longer.

In many respects, I believe that my opposition was justified. Not because my father was a bad person, but because of some of the points of views and beliefs he held. These didn’t sit well with me and I found them to be contrary to what I was striving for. Though, his opinions did not necessarily represent him underneath. We got along in many ways. Though, we didn’t get along when it came to what I wanted to do. I’ve never liked being told what to do, or even influenced in anyway. As if I’ve been striving to follow some divine internal guidance. And perhaps I have been guided all the while.

I’ve become accustomed to a way of life, and I’ve created the habit of functionning within certain parameters, only to be destabilised when faced with a deep challenge & change.

I’ve overcome a good number of personal issues in my life and the, in a moment of folly, I saw my vulnerable fragilities exposed. I say folly, I was hurting because my dad had just died and the grief ate me from the inside. As I observed this grief cause internal pain, I observed myself seek ways to numb the pain. Feeling powerless as to the depth and intensity, but also how scattered I had become in contrast to who I was only a few months prior.

So I began my downfall, only to observe that since I’d already overcome my issues, and had already built an interesting toolkit to do so, I was able to halt my fall before I went too far down the hill.

I am able to start my ascent back up my personal mountain, except this time I know where I am headed with more clarity. I’ve already been up and down these paths.

This time I get to fortify and solidify the points of weakness I didn’t address in my first ascent.

This time I get to do it better. This time I’m doing it for me.

Before we build a good life, we must first start with the foundation and I believe that is the mind. Everything starts in the mind.

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Start where you are. (The key to success)

The greatest of understandings I’ve understood through my own experience is, START where you are. When you choose the state you are currently in, and accept it. You can start working towards where you want to go with the thing you want to evolve.

  • Start where you are mentally, find where you are on your internal path.
  • Start where you are physically, what weights can you lift and grow your muscle with here, not the heaviest you can lift, but what can your muscle comfortably support.
  • Start with where you are emotionally, what are you feeling right here and don’t repress it.
  • Start where you are financially, what do you have and how can you BEST use those finances for the best impact Right now? Instead of wanting more to do what you can already best start.
  • Start out where you are health-wise
  • Start out where you are relationship-wise.
  • Start-out where you are business wise, start with what you’ve got and do the best you can.
  • Start out where you are spiritually.
  • Start out where you are habit-wise.

When we can accept where we are, first and foremost, we can decide to empower what we have and appreciate what we have.

When we reject where we are, what we have, where we are, we can’t use it to our advantage, we can’t build on it, we can’t grow it.

You must start from where you are.

If you can start from where you are, you have control.

You don’t have control or power over something that is out of your reach.

All the best,

Cherokee Goldberg

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The door to Heaven is through the heart.

A matter of heart

Whenever we hear of soulmates, we think love. In movies, all too often, the hero ends up straying from the significant other and getting lost. The guide of the story always steps in at the right moment to say something along the lines of “Follow your heart!”. The hero then gets a moment of enlightenment which gives way to some dramatic running towards the partner who thinks they have to find love in the arms of another.

A special personal frequency

To be in Love, we often think of being in love with someone. But its not about the other person. Its about us. Its about being within the frequency of love in our own heart, and because we’re within that frequency for ourselves, and expand upon it, we match the vibration of our significant other who just so happens to be in that perfect frequency at that perfect moment in time when we happen to stumble upon it.

Everything you want comes through the heart.

To be in Love means, to be the most aligned with the higher nature of your heart. It means, you are in your heart with or without another person. And this one thing, to have the courage to feel fully what your heart feels, and to live by it, is what attracts the amplitude of possibilities; the soulmate, the dreamlife, the dream job, feeling amazing, flowing and feeling abundantly…. you name it. The feelings we all long for, the state of being which transcends poets from all ages, its the stuff of songs and art that elevates you to the point of blissful tears.

Stepping out of the frequency of love causes pain.

It’s the attachment to the physical form which happens to match our heart frequency which is the source of pain. Trying to control a human being by focussing on a material construct such as the body, the person who happens to match our heart frequency.

Which is why I don’t believe that we can ‘have a change of heart’, I believe that people who focus on other things and other people and different belifs, and decide to step out of the frequency of love realize that they want something else. It’s stepping away from the frequency of love in which we are.

The cross is a map to the heart of matter.

Being with God, is being in the heart. Why? Well, if you look at the cross, the cross is a map which represents man, and it points to the heart. X marks the spot. So if you follow the map, to live in the heart, you also find God. In other words, if you follow your heart, you access heaven on earth.

Forcing matters

Drinking coffee, stimulants, even dopamin inducing type activies, all have one thing in common. They are an external substance which have the property for us to force ourselfs into a state. The state isn’t natural to us. The point of being aligned with the heart, is that the body, the nervous system, the mind, the mindset… all align naturally. Otherwise we can do meth or cocain or have abundant sex and just live for the highs. That’s not how it works though, because we need to respect and empower the body to arrive at the destination where the heart and mind are. So, it’s about taking the time, going at our own pace, growing into well-being just in time for Love.

In addition, forcing your way to get what you want is ego. While being pulled toward what you want is heart. When you force the way, you miss out on Gods path. When you follow God’s plan, you don’t have full control, but trust and flow with life in a much more fluid way. And when you arrive, everything works out in a perfect way.

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Maybe it’s time to start anew

In July, I met a woman. It seemed to be one of those delusional love flings where two people meet and fall passionately and deludedly for one another, and then as quickly as they came into each others lives, then the relationship would abruptly end and both would move on as if nothing had happened. Fair enough

Since september 2022 – after publishing my book- I have been studying Coding. I’d reached a point in the road where I’d had enough of not making any money through my writing. It was time to learn a skill that could earn me some money so I could finally be financially independent, so I could finally be free.

As I learned to code, and input logic into my brain, I also observed a strange phenomenon. I’ve always been somewhat interested in the aesthetic, and I’ve always taken great pride in the spontenaity and artistic expression of my hand-writing. Though, as I learned to code, my thought process became ebby, and so did my writing flow. Rather than flowing – as my thoughts would usually be- my thought process had become clumsy and unclear.

I always took great pride in my ideation. Little bursts of brilliance, sprouting grandiosely there in my cerebrum. Like popcorn flowers, poping and blooming after a spring rain.

The lifestyle of a writer, seems to encompass his mind from wake til rest. It tends to take over his entire focus, while walking, while cycling. His ideas tend to be the high part of his day, and his research incorporated in his being. And with every breathing moment, a new idea is another fantastic insight offered off of the tree of his routine.

But although all of this, as fantastic as it may be, the impending sentiment of riding out a never ending prison sentence until one ‘makes it’ and gets to sell his million copies thus delivering a proverbial get-out-of-jail-card. It looms like a heavy cloud on one’s sense of personal freedom. Especially in an era where our social lives tend to be cut short, and we’re somewhat forced to observe while the rest of the world lives a wild and adventurous life of wonder and abundance.

I know, I know… don’t compare, as comparison is the thief of all joy. Perhaps this is true. But on the otherside, I also find that living solely in the world of ideas is etherial and lacks the physical substance a man needs to feel alive. I don’t consider myself to be capable to let go of relationships on a Buddhist level and become fully monk-like.

I don’t believe that one has to be a starving arstist, especially in a day and age where content is king. Solely, I’m not sure how to make my writing interesting for others, or how to live off it.

And so began my journey to become a full stack web developer. I find it thrilling on one hand, because the ability to use technology to automate and build is interesting. Especially for someone like me who, as a kid enjoyed the thrills of Robot wars, lego and mechano. Coding is essentially the equivalent for adults with basic math skills.

At first, and with discipline, I set out boldly to learn how to create a website, an app, an learn the languages. Then I realised that my handwriting started to change, but I gathered that if I was going to become a developer and put money on the table, some things didn’t really matter as much.

I kept reading on the side, and enjoyed posting a weekly newsletter, I found that having balance seemed to be key to keeping ideas flowing through my mind. I spent my days learning about code, my evenings reading, and my weekends writing. This went well for a while, up until my father passed away. Then, I got out of the habit of writing and reading. I simply found it hard to maintain any form of habit to be honest.

A few months later, and after having reached a point of mental stagnation in my code learning, I started to doubt my ability to think in code, or code spontaneously. And although I can put code together like a rudimentary ape puts cube shapes through a toy frame, I felt the need to take a break. And… that’s when I met the woman.

I say this because, at some point near the end of our relationship, I shared my writing and my art, and my mission to succeed as a developer. To which she replied, that my writing is a gift.

Now, this is something I find frustrating. The notion that, because I have a gift, it should take a form of dominence over everything in my life and should dictate what I need to do and what I can’t do. As if the idea of having a gift in writing should prevent me from working as a developer.

In China, there is such a thing as a ‘Zhuazhou’. The Zhuazhou is essentially a form of birthday party focussed around the kid making a choice which will determine its destiny. Among the objects the child will choose between a pen, a paintbrush, a wad of cash, and other such iconic objects which will determine the childs path. Of course, this seems wildly fatalistic. In the book ‘Range‘ by David Epstein, the author talks about a train of thought in which superstars -such as Tigerwoods and other high performers- pick a sport, adapt quickly and then spend the rest of their lives with an advantage over the rest of the world.

What I find difficult to accept with the Zhuazhou ou the early adoption path is that the notion of free will doesn’t seem to enter the picture. For me, I like to toy with the idea of ‘Divergence‘. That our destiny is not set in stone and that we should be able to choose and shift towards what we believe -as conscious adults- is best suited for us.

One side tends to lean towards the idea that ‘the universe’ or ‘God’ has a plan for us, and that we will somehow be guided towards a dream outcome, while the other seems to believe that we create our own luck and outcomes through preparation and hard-work.

So, what does this mean?

On the one hand, if there is some intangible entity which has gifted us with a talent or gift and that gift is to serve us to reach our fullest potential to serve others, shouldn’t it be revealed and clear what path we should take? And on the other, if its simply a question of preparation and hard-work, how come we reach a point of mental stagnation?

Here, I see the fight between Heart and Mind. What we like, and is flowing, and what we know is best, and is enacted through disciplined action. Perhaps there is a perfect balance.

Do what is hard when life is easy, so that when life is hard life will be easy.

I believe the answer lies somewhere between the logical and safe approach to life, getting a diploma and studying well, getting a good job we’re good at and applying our skills. And on the other, doing what enlightens us, doing what brings us energy, having the courage to live in our zone of risk. When we get out of our comfort zone, we are forced to sink or swim. There is something quite energising about the immediacy of having to thrive to survive. It is as if, we become alive with alertness. And if we don’t produce the results, then we sink, so we have to make it work.

When the individual finds his zone of genius, and becomes good at it, there will come a fork in the road where he will be forced to make a decision. To take a leap of faith or to continue to live safely while always wondering what if.

I guess it all comes down to our risk tolerance and ability to embrace failure and the possibility of not succeeding. Do we believe in ourselves enough about the attainment of the vision we are driven by and aspire to? Or do we inherently distrust the process? And if so, why do we distrust the process? What pain does ‘trusting the process’ mean for us? And how can we align ourselves with our highest interest?

For some reason, I always find myself going back to Samuel Beckett’s “Try again. Fail again. Fail better.” . To grow unafraid of the learning process of falling, so much so that we gather momentum in our process, and rather than stumbling on our obstacles, we simply hop over them, sidestep them graciously and carry on unperturbed by the external rain, because within an eternal sunshine shines its warmth and our vision fuels us on like coal in a steame-engin.

Start anew.

*As for the woman? We never spoke again. She was simply there to remind me that I have a gift in my writing. Like an angel passing by, to nudge me along in the right direction. Entering my life to remove my obsolete onion skins of outdated belief and instil new ones. Like winter erases the months before and lets the land lie fallow, all states of mind have an end.