Tag: soul

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When lost, the teacher will be revealed to lead you back to you.

April 2022

The importance of money was starting to weigh heavy on my conscience, I was about to enter ‘the real world’. Yet, I had no monetizable skill. Albeit being a writer, bloger, artist and blablabla, none of that would put food on the table and roof over head. So the idea of learning a new skill seemed to make sense. A skillset that could make money. – An attractive notion.

September 2022

Just starting out back to school. I’d begun studying Full Stack Development. Wonderful I thought to myself. The sense of importance and prestige of going back to school to learn a diploma! Awesome. The last time I’d been in school was in University, and that ended up with me jumping off the 8th floor and, well getting pulled through the window and whisked off to the finger painting academy. Without a diploma. So, getting to somehow learn a skill that could physically set me free was appealing.

October 2022

I could see that studying Code affected my mindset, and the way I thought. Although it was too soon to tell how this would affect my mindset, it was also rather clear that instead of fluid ideation, I’d start to produce structural ideation based on logic or algorythmic sequences. All very Ouhlala. Until one graps that, logic is like sand in a cog when it comes to verbal ideation. Especially if you consume a lot of it, like a duck being prepared for FoieGras.

April 2023

Dad passed away 2 days after my Birthday. The amount of logic prevented me from being emotional and actually helped me to cope with it all. By this time, I’m reading less and I can clearly witness my internal ideation Ebb. Although the logic created energy, it wasn’t my personal soul based logic. Societal logic is different than Personal soul based logic. Society will eat you up and make you conform. Personal will fuel you to the brim with uniqueness. The more Logic you consume, the more you’ll conform. The more you abide by the logic of your heart, the more people will conform to you and your uniqueness.

July 2023

Meet a woman 17 years older than me, for some reason we seem to be on the same level of understanding. Perhaps she’s mentally behind, behaps I’ve been through too much? After a month of romantic get-away, her motives come to the forefront. She’s needing to escape her monetary routine and wanted to rely on me. ‘I am a student.’ I tell her, to her dismay. After consuming the last of my emotional reserves, she broke it off and my life ended up spinning out of control like a car going down hill without breaks. – I can’t find my center-point.

October 2023

I’ve just passed my Full Stack Developper diploma! And I’ve awarded myself a jolly little burnout. I still can’t find my center. I’m starting to feel edgy about How to make money. Because, I don’t want to work, I want my assets to work for me. I’m a wealthy man, not a rich slut. My work works for me, I don’t work for it. My mind is seeking for new ways to monetize my past achievements.

January 2024

Absolute trauma. I’ve hit rock bottom, my head seems to have split into two. I’m not dealing with Bipolarity, although I can see that my emotions are going one way, and my logical mind in another. I can be one way or ther other, not both. Fate is trying to tell me that, I must function from a united point of intention. I’m set on building the UHNW Consultant. Back and forth I sway between trying to be either fully emotion, or psychopathically logical. I can’t find a point of concession. Shut up and work, get it done, get the money then rest.

September 2024

I’m burning out, I can’t focus, my sense of addiction has become enflammed and hyperbolicaly disproportioned. ‘I am become lust’. – Jeeez, I thought I’d overcome that shit…

Here we go again, lets put the pain to bed. But I still need to finish my website and get the offers to market so I can make money.

November 2024

Meet a PsychoPump (soul guide). Tells me that I need to take a break and resource. Cut off from screen, and start to focus on self. I agree. Then don’t do it, then agree to myself, then don’t do it.

Then a ressource comes out of the woodwork, which confirms the importance of the psychopump on putting me back on my path and aligning me with my inner sense of guidance. The one I’d stepped away from in September 2022 when seeking money instead of soul. – Time to take time out. Breathe… I’ve been through A LOT….

December 2024

Stop. This bipolaric state is coming from aiming to do things for money. I’ve just written a book about this specific topic, and yet I’m not following my own words. Hypocrit! Okay, it’s time to let go. Stop seeking money, start seeking fulfilment.

Aiming to do what is good for me, while trusting the universe and the process of life? Okay, done deal. Finding those areas, those inner ledges which made sense before learning Code. The areas of ‘homeliness’ which made sense. The inner directions which felt like absolute peace. – Time to align myself again. Again? Again..

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The right way, or the optimal way

What if we didn’t do things the “Right way”, but instead, did things the most optimal way?

Our body doesn’t come with an instruction manual. Oh but wait it does. Only, no one has taught us about it… (I’ll come back to this in a moment).

I’ve been thinking, I haven’t been very present on my blog in the last year. I do appologize. I’ve been working hard to aclimate myself to the new dynamics of my life. Having lost my father last April, my personal dynamic has been out of whack.

Not only that, I’ve been pretty lost, because I spend the better part of 2023 learning Programming languages. I’ve been lost, because when you do something you’re not supposed to be doing, you end up cloging up your way of thinking. You end up going against what works for you and you end up creating problems.

As a writer, learning to ingest code and then output code, has been like putting mud into my verbal flow. Rather than flow, I’ve experienced a bit of ebb. Rather than experience the subtle and intangible whispers of my soul, I’ve been quite insensitively laying down logical bricks of code. Rather than the refined and light caress of words and ideas under my breathe, I’ve been forcefully producing code, mentally hammering it into it’s functional and pragmatic place.

There is nothing so deadening for the soul than to consume something as a computer language. Perhaps finance, I wouldn’t know as I’m purely soul driven.

Anyway… I’ve been thinking lately, since I got into code, I started to neglect myself, I wasn’t listening to how I felt. And because of this dynamic, I ended up feeling incredible fomo, because I wasn’t producing anything from the soul, I wasn’t able to express myself clearly, and I was stuck in a numb wordless state, unable to put words on what I wanted. Though, I did become incredibly aware of what I wanted suddenly. All the things that money can buy, to fill the internal abyss which had been created due to lack of respect for my gifts and optimal ways of functionning.

I ended up wanting to travel, things that money can buy, things I didn’t have. All of this started to arise, because I wasn’t able to accept, embrace, or even value what I had and everything surrounding that. I was focussed on filling the mind with functional logic understanding. I wasn’t able to access any form of acceptance for the perfectly optimized life I already had.

You see, I’ve been a writer for a long time, my mind favours words [in the VAKOG I’m an audiory 1st, then visual, then kinesthetic]. but also, I’ve never had a thing for maths as a kid. I was always an ideas kind of person. I’ve always been hyper aware of my soul, and its fine expression. What I already knew before learning code, is that my life is taylor made for me, and everything I have at my disposition is perfect for my purpose in life. The parents I had/have, my interests, my friends, my awareness, my understanding, my mindset, my mental process’s, what lights me up, the gifts I’ve recieved, the things I’ve been proud about. Even my date of birth resonates with expression [21 = 3]. I’ve studied literature and philosophy, I’ve also studied law, I’ve been in sales, and in customer care, I’ve written a few books, and this blog for a while.

Looking back at my life, I wanted to understand what I could do, and if I could push my ability to expand a little. And I have expanded, and even grown, but there’s a fine line between growth and stress, once we step over growth and stumble into forced action, we’re no longer growing, we’re saturating to the point where we’re not able to recover the same.

So, as I said, I’ve been thinking.

Instead of functionning from a place of lack, from a place where we need something external as a compensation for our not paying attention to what we’re feeling. Instead, if we decide to focus on what we have, and what our gifts are, suddenly we access a degree of wealth no money can buy, and what’s more, we’ll do a far better job/work because we do what we love, so we’ll get recompensation for our ability.

When we function from the inside out, rather than the outside in, we fill ourselves up, we heal, we grow, we feel good. When we live from the outside in, striving for goals, wanting externalities, and so on, we’re in a state of lack, so we’re at a disadvantage. Instead, it’s important to see how what we do, what we have, and our purpose all align. When we look at our purpose and our gift, we realize we have abundantly more than we know what to do with.

I did say, I’d talk about the right way and the optimal way, so here goes.

As a man thinketh, so is he. But something is missing. I can’t simply cut out my emotional intelligence. My heart is my spiritual guidance. And if I am not attuned to how I feel, I will simply become beligerant with my words and actions, and by extension with those around me.

For better or for worse, my mind is a tool which serves my spirit. My spirit talks trhough my EQ and my mind serves my spirit. Not the other way around.

My spirit needs to be lit up, it needs to be inspired. My spirit is inspired by the fuel I feed my mind. Not the other way around; my soul is not fuel for results, results are output of my souls process.

My soul dictates the way, my mind is in service to that way. And my body is here to house my soul and mind for their journey. My emotions are indicators, like lights on a dashboard, to indicate whether I am hot or cold in “doing” my life purpose.

I am supposed to create, to write, to output, to express my soul. I am supposed to listen to my emotions, not make them scream at hyper intensity and take that out on my body through the need to “channel” my energy.

I am supported by angels for my mission. My words are translations of my subtle essence. I cannot force my body or soul, only my mind. So why let the mind think it can force the soul?

If we reverse what we normally do, what society has taught us, we may get a path that works, one that’s functional for us.

  • Instead of letting the mind use our soul and body, let the soul use the mind. Which will then empower the mind to empower the body, able to listen to it.
  • Listen to your emotions, they’re the guiding lights in your present moment to clarify if you’re on the right path.
  • Cherish your body as a temple for your soul.
  • Obey your soul.
  • Go at your own rythme.

Shut out the world, and the noise; and learn to accept your heart. As, you will find there the door to your soul.

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The blooming of soul

The plant cannot help but to bloom in the presence of the sun.

Its only in its presence that its petals can expand, and once expanded, they don’t retract back to their previous form. It’s a one way flight to a better destination.

The soul, the human, doesn’t expand then shrink back into its original form. In fact, we can only leave our previous state. It’s never a destination.

There is a process, from start to finish. Not a reverse process from finish to start.
Once the blooming process has come and gone, it doesn’t go back to its beginning. It’s linear, in that it evolves from a point A to a point Z. It doesn’t go in reverse from point Z to point A.

The soul only evolves forward through time. And a state, like a bulb, cannot happen twice. A blooming of that bulb cannot happen twice either. And neither does its death.

Your soul, goes through a rooting period, where the seeds strive to expand through the deep dark and cold earth. A difficult expansion period. Necessary to root the plant for what comes next. Pushing through cold soil.

Next the plant, or the flower, grows. It’s previous period of rooting has layed the base for the stem growth. And once, thick enough, that stem will provide enough nutrients for the flower to bloom in to the beautiful flower it is.

The petals open up and strive to get as much light as possible. And expand as wide as naturally capable. Where the photosynthesis uses the external elements and transforms it into energy, it reflects the light back to the world. This is the shining period.

The human being in its blooming period has that same expansion, that same shining, that same attraction as the flower does. Except, rather than sun, its attention and social ability.

But equally, the human also, after its bloom, withers and then the petals of its beautiful bloom fade and die off. Gods natural pruning. Once we shine, we decline. Think of celebrities, they have a shining period where they accumulate attention by the millions, and also capture finance and fame. Then once they’ve expanded through their shining period, they either continue and repeat the process, or they decline. Movie stars who stay out of the spotlight tend to be less vibrant.

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Covering the soul in colour and seeing it clearly.

Depending on your belief, we each have a singular soul or in atheist terms we all have a specific set of psychological and biological makings which make us individually singular. Whatever your God or lack-thereof sais everyone is different.

No two people are the same, even if they look identical, who they are on the inside, how they think and feel is very different. Except those who have no clue and spend their time living inside a tiny box, in their tiny consumer mindset running around like
lab-rats while they try to please their neighbours and work colleagues. 

Though ultimately when we get to explore – it takes painful awakenings sometimes- our singularity, we discover a distinguished set of ways which work only for us. 

Why? No two human beings are alike. Not even remotely… We look alike and have similar needs. But as we distinguish ourselves, we step away from the conformism of the group setting which we aspire to. We affirm that we are unique… the adverts no longer apply.

The soul is like a blank canvas, we come into life, and the mind can sense it clearly because we haven’t been formed to think or act a specific way. Over time we’re taught how to perceive the world, people want to leave an imprint on us, they want to 

form us into what they want. Some want to use us, some want what we have, etc. Though, over time, we cannot see the blank canvas anymore, theres lots of mess around it, depriving us of seeing it clearly. Until, we get rid of the excess baggage we’re told to carry around since we’re young. 

Society wants us to conform, we must live according to the peer group around us otherwise they’ll reject us, we must have diplomas in order to work in order to survive. If we have diplomas, most people believe they’ll give us access to a distinguished career. 

A distinguished career which, is basically status signalling if we think about it. To show others that we fit in and we do it well, that our minds have been formed by prestige in a highly esteemed ivy league school.

Though what isn’t being said here is that we’re ultimately searching for confirmation.
A written diploma and perhaps photos of our fraternity to make it clear to ourselves that we have confirmation that we are eligible to think for ourselves and take action in the world. That’s an expensive confirmation!

Every experience in life, is like sculpting rock or painting with paintballs…

The experiences chip away at us, until our learn’t ways “the excessive external rock” surrounding our soul is chipped off. Or life takes shots at us, until every inch of our soul is covered in colour (if we use the canvas idea). All the paintballs which missed weren’t made for us, even if they were aimed at us, and our goal is to simply take enough shots in order to cover the canvas. Not all at once, but over time, life will shoot us until our canvas is covered in colour and our soul is clearly visible to us. 

If my writing inspires you, take a look at some of the books which have
inspired my writing. GO TO LIBRARY