Before getting started, I’d recommend listening to the same songs I was listening to while writing this:
“Acceptance” – Johann Eder
“Little Diamond” – Mylo Rivers
For a long while, I’ve only solely wanted to be famous and rich and known, so that people would love me and people would respect me because I was in a high position.
Caught up in facebook ads with annoying clic bait videos which want us to subscribe. Fame filled with stressed out vindicative burnt out stars who are trapped in a merry-go-round of concerts and never get to leave their houses for fear something will happen.
They’ve succeeded, and then found peace only to find that their success takes it away.
Far from the world of social media where everyone is glamorous and never have a day off from their fake vacations and their surgically enhanced lives. Where everyone has decided to be famous and known, I’ve been fortunate enough to have seen it coming. Don’t get me wrong, in desperate times, before working on myself, the idea that wealth would come with being known had pushed me to try a few “I know it all attitude“ type videos.
The idea that we have to continuously be the perfect image of what society awaits of us, is a prison unto its self.
Only, right now in my life I’m in a very different place. I’m enjoying my life, I feel blessed, I feel happy, I am safe, I have no obligations, I can do what ever I want and I am genuinely fine with what I cannot do. This entirely frees me up to enjoy my life as it is.
I am free…
I have a Macbook pro, and I recently found my old toshiba c50 and got it repaired. As an observation from using them both. I am glad I have the power and stability of my mac. Though, I’m relived by the lack of importance my old Toshiba laptop has. Like mucking around while we were children, we weren’t focused on how we were dressed or how we looked. We were pulled towards what our curiosity gravitated towards.
This is something I had lost for a long while. The freedom to be carefree without living in the fear of damaging something expensive, or more importantly not damaging my “precious” macbook pro which could stop working because of a vibration or some shock while putting my backpack down maybe a tad too fast.
My general sentiment is that of not being bothered by the value of something or having it damaged or always being on alert in case we do… This is something I enjoy. Not having to live up to “social standards” of being presentable or having to look picture perfect or any other of the things we’re supposed to do to be accepted and looked up-to in society .
Though, this post doesn’t focus only on computers, it focuses on life and more specifically that aspect before we have to uphold an appearance. I’m currently enjoying discovering myself again, taking my time to enjoy all the little things which seem to become unimportant in the grand scheme of life in the public eye once money and politics and business get in the way.
I recently purchased a 2008 Mac Pro 3.1, and before I compare it to being like an old mustang that I get to build in my garage, I’d like to talk about the memories previous years granted me.
I was in secondary school at that point and my neighbor and his older brother were into computers. I only knew how to turn it on and play Tomb Rader 3 from a cd. While I liked jumping from obstacle to obstacle and trying not to end the game by falling into pixelated piraña infested waters. My neighbors seemed to have different games and knew more about computers than I.
I devoted most of my time observing, trying to figure out what it was they knew, how they had come to have all these games and how come he was able to enter on to my computer without my password?!
Even though I had a tough start with computers, I soon caught up. By that time, we played Counter-strike and like little engineers, we’d unmount hard-drives, put them in our friends computers and move all the data around, format our drives, and reinstall with the latest OS we had at the time. We’d lug our towers and massive screens around to Lan-parties and stay up all night fragging the hell out of each other on half life.
I remember this vividly because, these were times where I found something I was good at, and I found a competitive purpose. I had my team, my friends and people who I enjoyed being around. I had my tribe!
Back to the mac! I recently purchased an old Mac Pro with the hopes of buying a graphics card which will be accepted under the latest mac OS. Opening up the old tower and seeing the physical graphics card and the hard disk drives brought me back to where I was before getting serious about life.
I’d update and I’d solve problems of how to install an OS on an old device, which one would work, what do I need to get it running. It feels like I’m back in the game! It feels good. None of this integrated macbook pro none-sense where everything is dismantled and soldered in micro-particles all over the device…
Maybe I can get this thing running! Fingers crossed. Its just a man-shed project… Either way…
Today, things are very different. I’ve since stopped playing games back in 2006, devoted my mind to more productive things like reading or writing or simply exercise.
My friends have moved on and they have jobs, and I’m back at my family home.
Since a few years, I’ve decided to take it easy on the career front. I can hear the “hard workers” already throwing a fit.
I’m at home. For a while, I lost the sense of feeling at home. I felt I needed to work harder and harder and push myself to the edge of all my limits in order to thrive. I felt I needed to become “special”, or have some unknown talent that the world needed. Only to find out that I’ve been exhausting myself trying to keep up with the world and the social movement of “Do anything to become famous”.
I write these words, knowing one thing in my heart. I’m sitting here with my black fuzzy cat who’s on the head of my armchair, I have a fuzzy blanket on, ambient music plays in the background, while I type. I feel a profound sense of belonging, I know I’m on the right path, I feel this is right. I’m happy and inside of me is a feeling of utter contentment.
I’m not striving for anything, I don’t need any money to live the “good life” which everyone is after, not right now at least. I enjoy cooking, I have fresh foods delivered from the local farmer, and I’m not stressed by anything external.
I can dream to my hearts content. I’m not worried about social media because I turned it off, and I’m not worried about missing out because I’m not. If anything, I’m exactly where I need to be.
I get to spend time with my family, as well as take time to heal my body after years of wear and tear. I’m inspired, I’m interested and curious. I’m not competing with anyone for once. I’m simply writing for the love of writing and this fills me with joy.
I live for these moments where, under no pressure at all, a heavenly feeling fills me with a bliss like inspiration. Under no obligation do I have to write anything that I’m writing, other than the effortless joy I get to express what I’m feeling.
This, my friends, is success to me. Being able to write how I feel as the inspiration comes up inside of me.
The freedom we have from being where we are, unknown, without any pressures, is utter wealth. My time is mine, I chose to be here. I have everything I need. I’m happy on my own creating and listening to music. I’m not worried about money. I’m not worried about other people. I’m just here, writing these words in sheer contemplation.
I’m able to focus on pure creation and value the process without it being a JOB. The lack of external obligation allows me to dive deep and evolve at my own rhythm without having to do anything, think about anything, or be trapped in anyone else’s intentions.
I can do my inner work while appreciating everything I have. I’m grateful, my life has changed so much. I’ve lost my anger, I’ve dealt with many of my fears, I’ve confronted my deep demons and I get to relax while my body heals.
The next door in life will come soon enough, that I know. A bit like in Mario 64, where we can push against certain doors as much as we want, but until we have defeated all the primary level boss’s we can’t open the door…
Fame will come or it won’t. I’m not bothered by this. I’m more concerned about not living everything I have to appreciate here first. If I’m always focusing on everyone else and how well they’re doing, I won’t get a chance to enjoy my own life and those around me.
I get this chance and I’m thankful for it.
My wonderful black cat purrs near my head, while overlooking my shoulder, looking at my screen. Who knows maybe she can read?
Cherokee.blog 