While the devil will try to trick you, and what to do if you’re stuck in a form of prison cell, even if its within you.
If the Devil can convince you that you can’t have what you want in the future, he will tempt you into giving up everything in the near present.
At the start of 2024, I experienced a trauma, and have been stuck within that bottle, unable to pop that cork. Going round in circles, unable to get to the other side to enjoy what life has to offer. – It’s taken my ability to feel anything, my ability to exercise, my ability to feel emotions, my inner impulse and guidance system, it’s taken my ability to have a clear mind, and it’s taken my ability to feel certain about the future. It’s taken my energy, and has made me doubt, given me confusion, and made me feel cut off from the world. 2 cm away from success and the devil puts you in hell. FFS… Right?
But, this isn’t my first rodeo. This isn’t my first trauma, and luckily I developed tools beforehand. So, I am in the habit of figuring things out, and being in tricky situations.
In a past life I’d have called myself an escape artist. Although, for this trick, I’m not certain how to escape tbh… I digress..
The devil tries to convince you, that your future is no longer attainable. You either give into it, or you give up, thinking that your dreams are no longer possible for you. This is illusion. You will rise again tomorrow morning, and you will, at some point, overcome this thing. It’s a matter of time and understanding.
I’ve created a framework for if you’re uncomfortable and dealing with automatic trauma/addiction/seeking for external ‘signs’ in order to confirm you’re on the right path.
You see, in my life, currently, I can’t feel, I have no sense of feeling or emotion, no impulse, no higher thinking, and my body seems to be my enemy. I have no form of ‘internal’ narrative, and no mental clarity to guide myself with.
But I know a few things.
My gift requires input, which is fuel. And if, even if I don’t have access to what is happening within, I can sense that my body is creating energy and there is a little enthusiasm, as I go through the motions.
I know that if I go towards the direction I’m striving for, my energy perks up.
I know that if I look at certain things, just looking will deplete my energy.
And I know what direction I need to be aiming for.
And if I decide to go towards my risk, everything feels possible.
I currently have the obstacle of having zero guidance, zero reference, no impulse, no help, and I feel like I’m in the dark, alone, cut off. It’s scary, but… when we are in the dark, we must remind ourselves that, we are the light, and we are to guide others.
The Direction / Confirmation / Information framework.
I don’t have access to the infinite wisdom of my body, but I do have cues, and by observing, I can sense that I get uncomfortable and immediately start to search for ‘desirable’ things instead of being able to process the emotion, so I have to put all of this aside.
As soon as I start to get a bit ‘nervy’, I have to refer to this framework, to keep me on track.
Am I in need of direction? If this is the case, then I should refer to my plan.
If I am in need of confirmation, I’m seeking for something to tell me that I am ok, and I’m going in the right direction.
If I don’t know something, or how to solve it, instead of having access to that – like I normally do – , I need to refer to the tools that can help me with what it is that I don’t know.
And of course, a reminder, of why I am doing what I am doing.
The paradise, the state of care, feeling, taking care of mama, having my energy back again.
So, having an understanding of my obstacle, gives me a question of where I need to put my focus, and if I can do that, I can chose what is most important. (Bare in mind, that I seem to have had an absolute emotional reset, my EQ is stupid right now). So, having a rational map to help me navigate what it is that I’m feeling is helpful.
You don’t want success. What you want is recognition.
But I’m not certain you’ll like what you find when you get it.
I’m not sure you’ll like the price you’ll have to pay.
I’m not sure you’ll want what you want.
What you really want, is what you already have.
Except you can’t accept it, or see its value, because you think the value is elsewhere.
Just as you think the value is in some future state or looking another way.
The value is in your eye, the value is in what you think you will obtain. But when you get there, you’ll want to close your eyes. You’ll have made the mistake of trading it all against something.
The truth is, it was all perfect, you just couldn’t see it from where you were standing.
You don’t want success. You want self love.
You don’t want money, you want energy, creativity, and inner freedom.
You don’t want someone to whisk you away, you want to love where you are.
You’ll never find what you’re looking for in matter.
You’ll never truly be content, if the blueprint of your heart doesn’t match in reality.
And if you so chose to accept the leap, you’ll forget in that moment all you’re leaving behind. And when you come back, all that you loved will be gone, and you will be alone, with your mistakes.
I’m normally one to give the beautiful optimism and silver linings, but sometimes, you fuck up, and there’s nothing you can do about it. For some reason, you could not foresee. But it alters your life forever.
Your paradise, the place you felt good, is now elsewhere. The place you felt at ease, it all looks exactly the same, but no where can you find Home.Home is gone, and its just you and yourself, interacting with those you love – from a distance.
Then, I calm my mind, and listen to my heart. Electrified. Not the harmonious and peaceful place I’ve always called home.
The work you do during the quiet times prepares you for when you go through something.
Your hard work is the reason you don’t fall back to the state of an incapable infant.
Every time you work hard towards an outcome, you evolve. You break through a limitation. That limitation allows you to percieve, to be, to function at a higher level.
Every time you evolve, and you break through your glass ceiling, you reach a new checkpoint. That check point is pretty much a save point – just like in video games – where you can put down your bag, reestablish your path and ressource for a moment before deciding to head up the mountain again.
All of the frameworks, the understandings, the ways you overcame challenges, they all become part of the structure of how you overcome an issue that presents itself to you.
An example of this is; at the start of the year (2024), I hit my glass ceiling and went into a wall. I spiralled out of control -where I tend to spend most of my time – and started to devolve towards where I was at the start of my 20’s. BUT, and this is an important one, because of all the hardwork I had put in overcoming the trouble I went through at the start of my 20’s, instead of struggling with the troubles for 6 years, as I did before. I knew the specific doors to take, the right shortcuts, and the right paths to take to overcome my trouble. In fact, overcoming my issue became like a game, because rather than being overtaken and overwhelmed by what I was experiencing, instead I had the right questions, the right frameworks, and the right understandings to navigate the trauma I went through.
Instead of going back to my previous state of feeling entirely hopeless in the face of what I was going through, I simply rested upon the frameworks that I had built overtime. Yes, the last few months have been painful. BUT, I didn’t fall back down to the bottom of the mountain. And that’s all that counts. Because, I’m going upwards, not down.
Our energetic networth is an accumulation of energy, of inspiration, of trust in the process of life, trusting in one’s self, and flowing with what feels right. It’s the subtle perception and understanding that we’re on the right path and that we have empowered that state over time, so that we develop confidence in our ability to atain it and access it over and over. A sense of emotional confidence, knowing that one is on the right path. Knowing that one is fulfilled and taken care of. A buffer of deep trust. Emotional networth is a reserve of emotions created as a result of being aligned with one’s self. It’s a state of faith and well-being that we are employing the right process which sustains our energy and grows it.
The value of what you put in your mind and who you spend time around on a daily basis defines the energy, beliefs, and state of well-being you ultimately end up with. Not to mention the vibrational frequency of the words you repeat on a daily basis. It all affects the quality of people and circumstances you attract to you on a daily basis.
Energetic networth, is knowing how valuable your energy is compared to someone who hasn’t developed that energy.
Christiano Ronaldo’s energetic networth is vastly different from the person who is a fat sofa slob, who doesn’t grow his energetic output, endurance, and overall emotional well-being and spends time numbing their senses with alcohol and numb tv programs which dull the mind’s ability.
But energetic networth isn’t solely our physical capacity, although it does participate in our ability to feel, and a healthy body is the key to feeling everything. Energetic networth stems from a mindset being constructed around the souls purpose, around what lights up the soul. Its an accumulation of what turns the soul on and lights the body up. It’s an accumulation of right choices of self love, and of being Heartfelt and aware about what is best for us.
Energetic networth is also a form of momentum in pursuing our bliss, which over time creates an ease in taking that internal direction.
We develop it by pursuing the emotional highs we get from going in the right direction, by pursuing the bliss which comes from being emotionally tuned in to yourself and what feels ultimately heavenly to you.
Energetic networth is compounded interest of self-love from the daily investment of loving ourselves and doing what is right.
Knowing the value of your energy, and who you let near it. Just like high net worth investors such as Buffet, they won’t go near someone who has a low net worth. It’s the same for energy, you need to be around people who boost your energy and give to you on the same level of energy that you give. If you’re around people who either have negative or lesser value, you are influenced by that. When you Share with other people, you exchange content/energy and you end up taking on what it is that they brought to the discussion. So when you spend time around people with negative energy, guess what… it rubs off on you.
When you grow your awareness around your energetic networth, you start to comprehend the importance of what you spend your time focussing on, thinking about, how you spend your time feeling, and the quality of your ‘being time’ which is all related to the decisions you make on a day to day basis.
When we decide for example to do things for money, we decide to put ourselves on hold while we exert and output results which will render a specific desirable reward for us in the future. This is problematic because it depleats our wellbeing as the process we enact isn’t fulfilling. In fact I’d associate unfilliling to dereliction (the state of having been abandoned and become dilapidated). So in a sense, doing unfulfilling work, for me as I understand it, is abandoning one’s self, or stepping away from our alignment with our highest self.
Okay, so you’ve probably already heard of how the concept of investing in yourself leads to growing your value. Well, when we decide to live a fulfillment lifestyle vs a reward lifestyle, we grow our value as we advance. And while we progress towards a virtuous future purpose, every step fortifies and empowers us, rather than depreciates or empties us. Reward is momentary, while fulfilment is a constant growth of our personal value.
When we make the absolute decision to focus on what is Good for us now (fulfillment), as opposed to what will be nice in the future(reward based), we grow our stores of wellbeing, we fortify states of emotion which are present rewarding, and we actually enjoy our life a lot more than if we have some future based reward which will –potentially, because its not writen in stone- make our life better.
In the last two years, I decided to go back to school to learn full stack development (coding), because I was insecure as to my ability to make money with my talents. Here’s why this was a mistake… I decided to learn to code, while I was at the hight of my ability to ideate and create valuable ideas, but also when I had reached a super positive internal state of being, I had developed me EQ to a point where I was happy and feeling fulfilled and well, I had reached a point of optmism and well-being. Then I decided to code, and I noticed a lot of problems starting to occur, as if my entire universe had decided to conspire against me. Suddenly shocks started to happen, fear started to occur, I somehow developed dyslexia and my ability to write and ideate flowingly became ebb’ing and dry, I stopped focussing on my emotional wellbeing, and started to obsess over the outcome of becoming a full stack developer, which would then give me financial freedom and so on. I also started to feel uhappy, and became hyper-sensitive and also angry (because I had filled my mind up with content which prevented me from being able to translate the subtle states of emotion I was experiencing). In other words, filling my mind up with code created a state of emotional illiteracy which prevented me from being able to deconstruct, describe, and process what I was feeling.
Why is this a problem? When you go through events in life, but you’re unable to cope with what you’re feeling, you’re at a severe disadvantage, especially as a writer. I need to be able to put my finger on emotional states which are intangible to most people because they are numb to how they feel, but more importantly, I need to put my finger on these states for myself, because these states of emotional depth are what allow me to remove the onion skins from my heart and feel more aligned and in tune with it. Which, surprise surprise, allows me to feel more in tune.
These are states or ressources which are external to us, which means that if we attribute our self-value or well-being to these things, we have to have them as a pre-requisit in order to access states of wellbeing and self-value. Which actually prevents you from obtaining them in the first place. Because if you don’t have self-value or wellbeing without them, you feel terrible, and doubt yourself because you’re looking at your life from a place of lack. In addition, if you do actually attribute these to self-value and well-being, but you end up loosing your success or money, you will most likely end up hating yourself and feeling the need to punish yourself. Which could end up costing you your life.
When you attribute your self-worth and well-being and tie them to what is in your control, you find peace with where you are. And this is the key to developing a succesful life and potentially creating a rich life. Because if you can accept your present circumstances and where you are, you accept ‘the present‘, and its only when you can open the present by ‘accepting’ it that you can access its gift, the ability to take action towards a future you desire. In other words, if you reject your present life, you feel bad, and if you feel bad, how can you see a positive future, let alone go towards one?
When you choose your journey, you can afford to be curious, you can afford to follow your interests, and you can afford to take a detour, because you’re not on a schedule for a boss who wants you to jump through hoops to create results so that he can then sell his company for a massive profit later on.
In addition, when you’re engaged with your own journey, and you decide to trust it, you can let go of ‘what other people think, want, and have’, because you can ultimately focus all your attention upon yourself and your journey. You can emotionally afford to detach from others because you no longer depend upon them for your well-being. Which you end up doing when you’re not aligned with your purpose, because you feel terrible and by consequence end up looking to others for constant confirmation for what you feel… Which means you’re looking outside of yourself for what should be inside from the start, your own validation of state and action.
We look to others to validate if pursuing money over well-being is okay. Why? Because pursuing money for money depleats us, and we know it deep down, that emotionally we are sabotaging our well-being for the future approval of others ‘I’m rich so you must love me’ which results in fat 40 year olds buying red convertibles syndrome. ‘You see, I have all this money, but I eat like shit because I feel terrible, because I do stuff I hate for the big bucks’ A red convertible is redflag for a failure to meet our purpose as a unique human-being.
I know this for a fact now. Pursuing things which will make me money rather than en-lifen me an enlighten me, results in self-sabotage, self-destruction, and ultimately wanting to kill one’s self. I’m a free agent who loves to be free, who lives for the high of being himself, who lives for his soul, who follows his heart and who strives to be in tune with himself as much as possible. Work for works sake is not it chief. And the reason I know this, is that I am unique, and I am different (as we all are) and my purpose here on earth is to expand as much as possible as myself, which takes tremendous self knowledge, Emotional understanding and internal fortitude, but also courage, self-belief, and hope. Pursuing what everyone else is doing to get money, to be loved for having money, to buy a house and car to be loved or accepted or to fit in… that is a recepie for disaster.
You end up diminishing your soul and wellbeing, and life force and sense of freedom, all that to possess stuff that no one gives three fucks about anyway.
‘I have a house!’ … ‘yeah so do I, and?’
‘I have bitcoin, love me…’ ‘yeh so do I, and no’
‘I have a car, I can drive you places’, ‘yeh I have a car too, I can drive myself thanks..’
The truth is, we only have a limited time here on earth and if we spend it doing things which numb our senses and make us want to self-destruct, there isn’t much point in being here at all so we may as well make the decision to end it now if we’re not going to do what makes worth living. Every single person I’ve met who is money focussed is also EQ depleated and ends up sucking the living daylight out of you, because they have little to no clue about what they feel. So long as they can buy things and circumstances… they may as well buy a gun and end it. Because they’re living in a fear based control of life, living through the need for money.
Every time you realise and make a step in the right direction a powerful surge of energy shifts through you and makes you feel like the most powerful human being on earth. It makes you feel alive, enlightened and in tune with your highest self. You could be God in that moment. And because you have this massive enlightening feeling which consequently also helps you feel weightless, you are drawn to things which make you feel good, and you step towards virtuous ascent towards your own personal heaven.
Our energetic networth is built on growing our emotional well-being. I’d say that we grow our emotional networth through a series of events. These events come from our mental perspective and decision to go in the right direction. And because we are going in the right direction, everything fits into place and makes sense.
Life flows, not because we’re trying to control every single detail out of fear and perfection (which is a form of fear about nothing ever being good enough), but because we’re able to flow easily with it, and everything which is proposed to us in its perfect way, we are able to be in sync with what is proposed to us confidently, not because we have the support-feeling of being in control, but because we are able to be fully in trust of it and abandon ourselves to the process of life fully.
Our energetic networth is an accumulation of endurance/stamina and emotional joy and happiness, the deep deep feeling that we’re on the right path, and that everything is happening for us rather than against us. That we’re being perfectly guided by life towards exactly what we need to be doing. We are where we are because of who we are. And everything we have and are able to do, is precisely for us to use it at some point in time for the greater good. We are to find out what the highest version of ourselves is, and let go of forms of fear and control we believe will get us there.
Our emotional networth is built on the foundation that we are following ‘the right path’, not the path that is more secure or more lucrative, but the path which turns our heart on, the path that leads us to expand and grow towards the happier, more interesting, more life-full, adventurous, exciting type of option.
Here’s another thing, FORCE can never get us where we want to go. Essentially its a God’s journey, and we’re just here for the ride. Forcing God to go where we want to go, out of fear and all base states and emotions, we inevitably fall into the trap of thinking we’re in control, like a father watching their child grab the steering wheel thinking they’re driving, but then starts to panick when they grasp the responsiblity of ‘being God’. The good thing is that, we humans don’t need to have that responsibility, so long as we’re following what feels absolutely best to us.
In order to build an emotional wellbeing, one must build a clear understanding of how their EQ functions, and especially what feels empowering and practice that on a daily basis. There is a daily work of micro choices which feel best and one has to grasp what those are.
I’d say that, our emotional networth is the accumulation of thoughts, feelings which create a positive Karma Reserve. A reserve of confirmations and highs. Practicing what turns our dopamine on in the right way (not instant gratification), taking leaps of faith, having the courage to experience life with hope and optimism, and growing our access to that gracefully upbeat perspective.
But also, a crafting of our emotional sensitivity around good things and allowing ourself to be hyper sensitive. Because the hyper-sensitivity leads us to become hyper perceptive. But also leads us to have a more refined experience because we are aligned with the subtle states that we can only access from the perspective of being in tune and vulnerable to life. We can’t be vulnerable emotionally, when our job numbs us and gives us money as a recompense. The security of that recompense prevents us from being atuned to that super sensitive state in which everything is possible for us to experience.
When I was younger, I noticed something which shifted the way I functioned as an individual. When someone was popular, everyone ‘loved’ them and congregated around them. It was to a degree “I know I’m the best” energy. It was a certain energetic accumulation between knowing one had everything, and didn’t have to worry about ‘having’. Quite similar to the energy one associates to Maslow’s pyramid scheme when one has all the primary and secondary needs taken care of.
Once you have something, you don’t have to worry about not having it. This happens with money, women, and many things which seem ‘scarce’ but really aren’t. It’s the same thing that happens when you have something, suddenly that thing becomes abundant or accessible to you. When you have a girlfriend, suddenly women throw themselves at you. And it’s the same with popularity, when you know you’re the popular kid (because somehow I figured out how to be), you’re not worried about being unpopular, you’re mindset is in a very different place to the kids labeled as ‘loosers’ (who aren’t actually losers but have a hard time living under that heavy definition).
Matthew 25:29 “For everyone who has will be given more, and he will have an abundance. But the one who does not have, even what he has will be taken away from him.”
This starts in the mind, with what we are grateful for, what we appreciate on a daily basis. We grow what we appreciate, and we reduce what we depreciate / denigrate.
When we focus on what is wrong and what we don’t have, we focus our energy on making ‘what we do have’ and grow our perspective of lack. And the more we grow our perspective of lack, the more it materializes within our life. Funnily enough, when we focus on what we are grateful for, what we have, and what we love and enjoy, we grow our mental references to those things, which enables us to percieve these things materialize in our life.
We all know the spoilt kid who had everything we could possible dream of when we were growing up. We didn’t have what they had, and we envied what they had. And to make matters worse, they didn’t care much about what they had while we would have given anything to have the same context of ‘ease’ and ‘abundance’. Well guess what, they couldn’t see the value in the thing when we could, and that’s what made it valuable to us.
When you decide to invest in yourself the right way. When you decide to invest in the direction you’re going in, it somehow gives you an increased feeling of validation, but also fulfilment because you’re doing what is right for you right now.
You only see life from the vantage point of where you are and what you’re aware of. You don’t see life from the vantage point of where you’ll be in 10 years. You see life from the perspective of where you are right now, with what you know right know, with what you’re aware of right now and with the advantage of your experience.
But here’s the thing, you can’t possibly imagine what things will be like in the future. Which is why you have to have a firm grasp of where you are right now and what feels good right now. And keep on doing what feels right. When you follow what feels good right now, you know exactly what you need to do, and you path opens up to you because you suddenly see the options and see what feels good right now. You have to embrace HERE, and emphacize how good and be convinced of being grateful for everything which is here and now.
Last summer I went to a tropical paradise myself, I was invited, but when we reached that island, the person I was with hated it. And here’s what I retain, I wasn’t focussed at all on the down side of the stay on the island, I was perceiving the upside of being there. Where they saw the flaws, I was given the grace and bliss to see the beauty of being there.
Paradise is not an island with clear blue waters. Paradise is not a place, it’s an internal state through which we see that island. Paradise is within us, and its only when we can access that internal paradise can we see and experience fully the state of paradise on earth. It’s a doorway we open with a fully open heart. And which is more, not something you can buy. You can buy your way to a tropical location, but if within you’re nasty, you’ll hate your stay and won’t experience the full bliss of being where you are. But developing that internal E N will lead you to percieve even the worst of conditions as a blessing, to see Gold where others see ruin, to see beauty where others cannot, and above all to appreciate the ride.
We’re chasing bliss…
Aloha
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