My biggest weakness is my fear of being alone, add to that my feeling of inadequacy when I’m alone faced with myself and you have my personal recipe for kryptonite.
If that wasn’t enough, I’m constantly battling fears related to not being good enough, worthy enough and I hate it, because in contrast to all this, I have moments of pure brilliance and know without a doubt that with hard work I can do most anything I set my mind to.
It’s a curious duality. On the one side, I’m confronted with a certain numbness and I reach a point of paralysis, not by fear, but simply inability to think. At that point I must either find some form of stimulation of find something to comfort me. To make the numbness go away. I’m dubious, and ambiguous as to how to deal with it. I can’t find the solution and it drives me crazy.
On the other-hand, I’m constantly striving, to learn, to better myself, to achieve a better outcome by crafting better skills. And then, after a while (generally about 10 days or so), I reach numbness.
I’m thinking the solution is to do nothing. Step away from the computer, sit back and do some breathing perhaps. I’m not certain. I know I can’t go for a run in those moments, my body seems to be paralysed and my legs seem like deadweight. Maybe the solution, when I reach that point of subtle discomfort, is to do Nothing.
Aiming for glory
Cherokee.blog 