Self-Validation a portal to ultimate power

People like to get recognition from others, they like to look up to someone and get a positive return. People love to ask for validation from others. Though, these people also turn sour quickly when they don’t get the validation they expect. What does this mean then?

We often hear that in order to get something, we have to no longer need it or want it. If we’re no longer seeking that something, we’ve either let go, or we’ve found it somehow. In other words, we no longer desire it, because we’ve achieve it or better.

When we go through life seeking other peoples approval and validation of what we do, we give them the equivalent power of the directors cut. We allow them to define if what we do is good or not. And if we go a step further, we get to observe that – and in the words of Steve Jobs- “the world is made up of people who are no smarter than you.”

Essentially, seeking other peoples approval is -most of the time at least- handing power over to someone who knows shit about what you’re seeking to achieve. Would you let your 5 year old kid decide what type of car or the next decision in your million or billion dollar business? I’m pretty sure that 99% of us would say a clear and affirmative ‘No!’, because a 5 year old has no idea of the outcome, responsibility, of the effect of said decision and what’s more they don’t have a clue about what you want.

I’d say the answer to this is to show the kind of idea (vision board) to the person who you’re seeking validation from, and you might get a comparison validation. Though, that’s not the point. Most of us have expectations and the people we’re seeking out to validate the recognition of our standards are pretty far off if not worlds away from even having a clue about what we want.

We’re the only one’s able to validate if, or not, what we’re (doing, producing, expressing) has any resemblance to the vision we have in mind. Why not be the sole person to decide if it matches or if its good enough?

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Vanish and focus

Have you ever thought about the effects of multitasking?

We’ve all jumped through hoops with the intention of trying to convince an interviewer that we’re fully able to do multiple tasks at the same time. The idea of the busy secretary who responds to the phone, writes an email with one hand and paints her toenails with the other, while nodding on the person searching for a sense of confirmation from her… comes to mind.

Although this might seem like it’s a highly productive and seemingly attractive capacity to have, multitasking actually isn’t related to productivity or any sense of deep meaningful work. Instead, maintaining an array of superficial and even meaningless tasks – or in other words maintaining like a traffic warden the ongoing cars who’ve already gathered momentum – but in no way creating momentum for the tasks to arrive at their successful completion.

A multitasker is then translated as a traffic warden of tasks. Never initiating them, never completing them, but simply witnessing them arriving, and allowing them to go in the right direction. But that’s about it.

If you decide to get away from multi-tasking jobs, you’ll quickly arrive at the conclusion that to be a self-starter, a deep worker, a race winner – and the list can go on ad infinitum…- we’ll need to rewire our entire mental blueprint away from witnessing and orientating towards creating, innovating, rendering, refining, and shipping our process and our product. Which is an entirely different kettle of fish.

Though the idea that we can convert ourselves toward a different type of blueprint and applying our effort to a different type of work and career is interesting in its self. Something else lingers in the background…

The patterns created around multi-tasking, the patterns gathered around social-media and 1 second attention span swiping. Take away the social media and the “1 second and on to the next” pattern continues to live within us and accompanies us through pretty much any other task. The subtle discomfort of staying even a fraction too long doing something specific and immediately moving on towards yet another dopamine hit as the pain pleasure pattern is triggered is an all too vivid problem.

Pain = discomfort = being present doing anything for too long = the fear of missing out on the next thing

Pleasure = comfort = discovering something New (our brain thrives on discovery) = keeping tabs on the next task…

Problem = associating pain to staying with one task from start to finish = never finishing anything = ill performed tasks

Result = poor quality return on effort = diminishing quality of life = vicious spiral which pushes us towards more pleasure.

Repeat as many times as you can until your battery wears out.

So then what? Turn the phone off. Meditate. Focus on one specific task with one specific outcome and stick with it until done. But, but but… No buts. Do it!

I observed the weakened quality of my efforts a while back while working out. As soon as a pain threshold came up, I automatically stood up and sought out another action, something else to do.
As if starting another task would give me a soothing dopamine hit. As if giving up on my ab crunches would make a difference. Sure the burn would stop for the time being, but the long term effect is that
I’d be some fat slob who gives up as soon as pain arises.

As I grew up with values, and came to understand the value of hard work especially around physical training, the difference between my peak performance years being one of the top strikers on the soccer team was contrasted with my current mental circumstance. Where training and pushing through pain barriers, repeating actions over and over until near perfect created the effect of greatness and physical prowess which I so enjoyed before social media taking over; now I was faced with a diminished work capacity and a lingering question ‘what the fuck? ‘.

Upon recognising this trait, I grounded myself, relaxed my body and kept at my specific pattern of weights, and pushed through the burning sensations. Simply upon knowing that my previous patterns had led me to being at a greater pattern when younger, and that somewhere along the journey I’d deconstructed my patterns in order to fix some underlining perception and beliefs which would create a better foundation for me to build upon; it was enough to calibrate my broken mindset.

Stick with it and create a healthy habit around going through the ups and downs of a process.
-Cut off from social media dependency and get back to real life.

Stop seeking external validation.
-Build a pattern within yourself, so strong that nothing external can shift you.
-Believe in yourself.
-Comprehend second order consequences and stop seeking first order benefits.
-Love yourself enough to see that investing time in yourself is not missing out, it’s the only thing that matters.

“Opportunities are like buses, there’s always another one coming.” – Richard Branson.

Get intertwined in the process and enjoy what you do.

While the world may pass us by for the time being and it seems that we’re missing out, reminding ourself that our boat won’t leave without us and we can only go at your own rhythm. Our scrolling won’t make the world come to an end, let alone make it any better, in fact us not scrolling and bettering ourselves is the only way we can make the world better.

Do yourself a favour and everyone else and better your life, rather than striving to keep up with unknown individuals who couldn’t care less if you succeed or fail. Chances are, they won’t even notice that you’re gone…

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