When you meet The one, they will not leave, you cannot lose them. We hear this in fairy tailes and romantic stories all the time.
But how can anyone affirm this? Where’s the proof? And why can’t I find “The one” right now?!
Well for starters, if everyone is a mirror of who we are, and we go through life like an onion shedding layers everytime we interact with someone, then we must acknowledge that Where we are right now is imperfect. We walk around with – in Jesus’s words- tree trunks preventing us from seeing clearly.
These tree trunks are our illusions, and our illusions are partly caused by our childhood schemas, they’re partly caused by our unexamined schemas and patterns that we play out, the biased thoughts we hold and repress that affect our everyday interactions and actions.
Then one day we meet someone. It’s been a while since we felt like this. We say to ourselves that we “Love them”. Then that person walks off and sleeps with someone else, or simply doesn’t respond for a couple of days or whatever. We suddenly lose our footing, we’re destabilized, we feel lost and we feel we can’t breathe without them. We make a snapshot judgment that they are “The One”, because we’re co-dependent on them… We then sit around moping, and crying and being dramatic and all that melodramatic “kid needs mom, kid needs attention…” behavior.
Except, here’s where all of that falls flat on its face. None of that is “Love” so to speak. If everyone is a mirror to what and who we are when we meet and interact with them, then what is being mirrored back to us is a flawed version of ourselves that we cling on to, because it resembles what we THINK is what we are supposed to be. Out of fear we cling, we hold on, we strive to force circumstances and “make things happen”, so that we won’t lose them.
Notice I just said, “…so that we won’t lose them.”. What is wrong with this sentence apart from my wonky grammar? We are in fear, we believe that some entity who loves us, and whom we love, will walk away. We believe that something we say or do will prevent them to abandon us. Which couldn’t be further from the truth.
The reason I can say this so confidently is that when we’ve worked on ourselves and we have consciously strived to dissolve our illusions, when we’ve done a significant amount of work on ourselves; the being we discover cannot be taken away because it’s not an illusion it’s who we are deep down.
Who we are deep down cannot be taken away from us, it is our soul, it is our most intangible and precious, but also the most consistent part of ourselves. So, when it comes time for someone to mirror “WHO YOU ARE” back to you in that romantic moment of meeting “The one”, first of all you’re confident because you’ve become confident in dealing with life on your own and know that you can manage perfectly well on your own, but second you are just you in everything that that entails which means that they can be interested, curious, increased or decide to walk away or even “reject” the notion or their understanding of
YOU, but they CANNOT TAKE “WHO YOU ARE” away. So when you meet “The one”, they will simply mirror back to you, everything that you are back to you. This puts an emphasis on the amount of work you invest in and on yourself before meeting “the right person”. This also takes away any notion of
FEAR you can have about losing the person we think is the one. Because we cannot lose The one if we are authentically and truly ourselves. When I say “truly ourselves”, we can’t possibly be truly ourselves until we’ve been through life’s challenges, until we’ve been through the nitty gritty, until we’ve reached rock bottom and had to climb back up to the top of our mountain – on our own-. Saying this, I mean that through life’s challenges, tests and trials, we chip away the excess onion skins that are NOT US and we reach a point of essentialism between us and ourselves. That point of essentialism forges and fortifies our knowledge of our authentic self, who we are minus all the BS that is imposed on us right, left, and center since childhood. And when we can be that Authentic Self full time, without even thinking about it, that is precisely when we meet “the one”.
They step into our lives as a sort of celebration to indicate to us that “everything” we’ve been doing, all the work we’ve been doing on ourselves, on our wellbeing, on our health, on our mind, on our emotions, in our interactions, in our business… Everything is then mirrored back to us, and we’ve thus given “The all empowering wings” of Love. You know, when we become unstoppable, and who we are is magnified via the relationship.
For example, this is precisely where the idea of “Behind all great men is a great woman…”. This is based on LOVE with a capital L, the type that empowers our true self, because we have done the hard deep painful work, because we’ve put in the effort to work on becoming THE MAN we believe the type of woman we aspire to be with will want.
So the next time you meet someone and suddenly find yourself forcing matters, fearing that YOU’re not good enough for them… And all the trivial stuff we routinely go through. Remember this:
YOUR BOAT WILL NOT LEAVE WITHOUT YOU! What is meant for you will find you. Everything you have done, your work, your effort, your intention, the extra miles you’ve put in,… it all adds up. And guess what?! It will be mirrored back to you in the form of a heavenly partner, because you Deserve it.
We deserve what we get, and those who make tough choices get easy lives, while those who make easy choices get tough lives. Will everything you’ve been doing, and are doing, add up to an outcome you want? If not, think again, our effort defines the kind of outcomes we get.
Cherokee.blog 