If I only had…

… is insecurity.

We think the outcome will make us more as if it holds something out of reach. If only we had it -this thing or circumstance- life would be better.

A few years ago, I met up with friends from a long time ago. Friends from an era when I played video games. Of course, everything I’ve been through somehow changes my perception of the same place we grew up in and the experiences we’ve all been through.
Though, somehow, the perceptions I developped give me no choice than to associate my current circumstances very differently than I used to, differently than they still perceive their circumstances. I’m not better, they’re not worse, just different. Less compatible than we used to be. Anyhow…

The people around me made me feel inferior, or I felt inferior by spending time around them for some reason and felt I needed to somehow catch up and make up for lost time. As I hadn’t been playing video games for the last 10 years, and they had. My skill wasn’t what it used to be. Somehow in the mix, I felt I needed to purchase the most powerful computer. Thinking that somehow that I’d reach a degree of recognition for a tool that would set me apart.

Upon receiving this shiny new computer, my skills suddenly surfaced, my level got better, and I could compete. Only as my mindset had changed since back in the day, I no longer had the desire to compete, and the act of gaming didn’t turn out to be as appealing as it used to.
As the games had lost their appeal, because I’m no longer seeking to escape reality, each game became a little weight in my conscience. A little act I should no longer be doing

After a while, I just found the whole process to be tiring and unproductive. The tool I made excuses for, It’ll make me more productive, I’ll be able to produce better quality renders on 3D,… and so on, also lost it’s allure. Suddenly I started to perceive the things I owned as owning me. Preventing me from moving on. Stifling my creative progress.

Of course, it’s a nice tool to have, but pointless. What I really need, is to upgrade my skillset, not my tools. And so, I decided to sell this shiny new pc and go back to solely using my macbook.

While I’m packing this piece of advanced technology up, I can’t help but recognise that the strength I wanted to develop wasn’t going to upgrade by getting a better processor or more ram, but simply by working out. The limitations I felt, regardless of my hardware, could only be overcome by surpassing them, not by changing the tools I have to confront them.

Though, on a small scale example, the Lamborghini, the yacht, the helicopter, the billion euro account, the hottest girl in school or on social media all loose their allure a little. The allure goes away and all that is left is who I get to become while attaining those things.

Who do I get to become while making myself strong in the gym?
Who do I get to become while becoming a billionaire?
Who do I get to become to date that girl?

The answer is that it’s not the finality that is important, it’s not the outcome that we’re seeking for. It is the effort that we’re attracted by. Not merely the effort to obtain, but how we get to grow and surpass ourselves to obtain. The process.

We all want to transmute our current circumstances, our current situation, but most of us never stop to realise that we don’t need better tools, what we want is better skills, a better output, a better mindset, a better potential. And the only way to achieve that, is to invest more in ourselves than our circumstances.

Which brings me to the Ferrari. We never stop at a red light and think: “How cool is that guy driving the car?”, we think “How cool would I be, if I had that car!?” Status and recognition. We’re ultimately seeking for recognition and materialisation and confirmation for the inner potential we know so well and live with on a daily basis. What we want is for others to see that potential because we hate being seen as lesser than we are. But let me tell you one truth, the people around you who can’t see your potential or skill, won’t see it because their potential, their mindset, their limitations, won’t allow them to perceive everything that you are. This is why you have to be around people who CAN see your potential, because they know their potential, and their mindset and limitations don’t prevent them from seeing everything that you are. This is why successful people flock together, they mirror each other to greatness.

Successful people don’t spend time with unsuccessful people, because unsuccessful people mirror back inefficiency and lack back to them and as they’re human beings too, they have their own flaws and insecurities. In fact, I believe that some of the richest people in the world live in fear of losing their fortune. I suppose its the people around them who support their successes and protect their emotions who enable them to continue aiming higher.

Anyhow, you don’t need that thing you think you need. You need to develop your confidence.

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