We’re not actually looking for ourselves

I’ve spent a long time looking for myself. When funnily enough, I was the one sitting in the chair searching outside of myself for something or someone to confirm what I felt within.
Rather than looking for ourselves, we’re looking for confirmations, and validations, to create a sense of security. When in fact, what we should be looking for is more experiences to apply our skillsets or learn new ones.

We’re actually looking for our values, our passion, our interests, who we are and what we want. Then after observing others for a while, we stop looking and start doing.

In the process of doing, we create ourselves by our decisions, actions, and intentions. What we’re looking for is not ourselves, but the blueprint of ourselves. If you’re anything like I used to be, you like to observe the best practices and what works before doing it, thus letting others make the mistakes so you don’t have to go through as much difficulty to get to where you’re going. This leads to observing life, deconstructing, making notes, and accumulating information so we can make better decisions for ourselves. But ourself is the one we see in the mirror every morning, the one holding our pens and wearing our clothes.

Ourself is already here, waiting to be moulded into who we want to be or the role we want to play out through action. We need to create ourselves through process, workouts, education, adventures, relationships, experiences, and so on.

The point is, I believe we all go through a phase where we seek for what we want and what resonates with us. If we don’t go through that phase, we can seek all we want, but come up short of results. The point is this is what I did. I went through pain, I got lost, and I entirely gave myself up for the adventure, for the experience. If I didn’t do so, I wouldn’t be so certain of who I am today. And this has been the most fruitful of experiences, albeit the most painful one.

I became everything I’m not, in order to discover everything that I am. In a way, I went through pain until I could go through pain no longer. There’s a brick wall you cannot go through when it comes to who we are. We have a pain threshold and mine took me about 10 years of experimenting, going through pain, pushing myself and going through trial and error in order to discover without a shadow of a doubt who I am.

This has been one of the most rewarding periods of my life, the possibility to discover exactly who I am. The possibility to overcome everything that I was, and discard everything that I was not.

I haven’t accomplished much on the career front though, and there was a good reason for this. Soft skills are easier to learn than hard skills. Changing your mindset, discarding what you’re not, and doing the deep work on yourself is ultimately the most difficult work you’ll ever do on yourself. You have to let a part of yourself die, the part that you are no longer and you then have to go through the stages of grief. You have to go through pain to see how far you can push life. How far can you push your spiritual pain?

The point is that with every difficult experience you go through, you will be given a gift. Not like some special kid skill where you can see through walls or guess numbers on a whiteboard… No, a gift as an insight. You get confirmations which come to solidify who you are. And by discovering these gifts, you get to build who you are and discard who you’re not.

Once you discover everything that you’re not, you get to overcome it, let go of it and move on to better places. You get to level up, you get to ascend to who you’re supposed to be. You get to become YOU for everything you are. And by doing so you become the gift you give to the world by your own example.

The thing is when we discover that we can make decisions and change who we are. We can’t change who we are, but we can change how who we are is. We create who we are through experiences, so isn’t it worth jumping into the unknown to discover new things we didn’t know?

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