You may be wondering where your time is going, where your energy is, and why you’re lethargic. Obviously its the porn, and it must go!
But simply saying I’m going to quit doesn’t cut it. The urges still come up, and your body sort of takes over. Powerless you sit there as your body does its thing and wonder what the fuck you’re doing. You know you have important things to do. You know you want a better life. You’ve observed that the addiction isn’t actually good for your health, and on top of that you feel life doesn’t give you any outlet to accomplish anything.
“Surely with more money I’ll be able to …” you find yourself muttering in a pathetic self excusing state of reassurance. The problem must be elsewhere! But the problem isn’t elsewhere.
The problem is in you and you find yourself seeing the problem elsewhere, in others, anywhere but in yourself. Because… “How could I be the problem?”
So far, I’ve understood this. We have pain points, and we have pleasure points.
The pain points are supposed to propels us forward so we can use the pain as energy.
Though, when we’re stuck, because of money or physical ailments such as a knee injury, or more long term, like covid, we find ourselves going nowhere. We’re stuck at home with a laptop.
To most healthy people, to use the energy one needs to produce something of tangible value
doesn’t come up for question. Though, when one has self-doubt, the process becomes a negative
vicious circle which reinforces its self with limiting excuses and a negative perception of one’s circumstances.
So where does the addiction come from? Pain. Like a leaky pipe under the kitchen sink, water is dripping somewhere. Instead of going directly out towards the direction the pipe is leading, there are leakages. These leakages equivalent to pain points. And this is related to what we believe around Power, Wellbeing, Success, and so on. If we believe being powerful is a bad thing,
it’s like having a glass ceiling keeping pressure in and under which means that our energy must come out another way. Action? Food? Sex? And the champagne cork blockage we experience around expression
( if we perceive expression as power),
Like walking along a path with a tiny stone in our shoe, suddenly we walk a little less well,
we press more on the other foot and soon we find ourselves lightly limping until we give up the need to force forward and decide to take the shoe off to get it out.
In our daily lives, we’re supposed to walk smoothly. And the healthy process is to use our energy for productive circumstances, which allow us to succeed in many different ways.
We become stronger, smarter, our mind is quicker, healthier, and we suddenly heal quicker too.
We enjoy life, look better, our eye sight improves, and I’ll go as far as saying that our hair grows stronger (but that’s for another debate)…
Though, when we have a stone in our shoe, or in this case a mindset which isn’t optimised
for our well-being, we end up spending and needing to undo our energy.
It’s a little like the process of depression, where we depress a Ball in order to get the air out.
And as our body strives to let our energy out, in order to undo something inside which cannot be obtained if everything is pumped up. Envision a race-car. At full speed a mechanic cannot fix anything on the car. The pilot must bring the car to them so they can change the wheels, undo bumpers and so on. But if the motor is fully engaged and the system is functioning, the mechanics cannot repair the vehicle. Its the same for the mind and our mindset. Our body is hyper-smart,
and if we have a form of mental depression, or if we strive to depress the body through excessive
addictions like porn. We essentially depress ourselves and try to undo something.
A bit like if we’re speeding at 300km/h and there is a trembling, bumping sensation in the car.
We’ll slow down and check what is going on. The slowing down process is the equivalent to
the process of overdoing the sex thing and emptying out our energy reserves.
In all understanding, one needs to lay low, in order to make sense that something needs to be repaired. Such as the mindset, and the way we perceive things.
Though, when it becomes excessive, it’s important to see that we’re wearing essential compontents out on our vehicle and it’s difficult to replace/heal them quickly after.
For example, when engaged in such excessive behaviour, we must recognise that the kidneys,
such as TCM explains, are weakened. The kidneys are where our Jing resides, or in other words, where we get our energy from. If the kidneys fail, our health fails, our sperm fails, and we become
weak lumps of flesh, waiting for our bodies to recover over a long period while we fight the
depressive unconfident state of all our fears coming up to the surface. So, in essence someone who excessively masturbates is dealing with a lot of fear. Either unconscious or maybe conscious. But the fear is there on an emotional level and needs to be triggered.
Though, back to our normal perception of Jerking off, we need not do it, and we know this.
Hence the feeling of shame and disgust with ourselves when we succumb to yet another phase of
To go further into this, I tried to understand not the repetition, but where the intensity came from.
And in my understanding I came to the conclusion that the intensity came from pain.
We wouldn’t seek intense pleasure consistently, if we didn’t have consistent intense pain
torturing us behind the scenes. The intense pain can be anything from anger at Daddy,
or a sibling who treats you badly and won’t treat you with respect, or feeling unrecognised,
or anything which you have to deal with on a consistent basis and can be linked to the way you interact with family. Or even how you interact with your peers.
This leads to resentment, and as you cannot remedy the external, you resent yourself.
This personal resentment takes you towards self destruction. Obviously you love yourself
to an extent and don’t wish to physically harm yourself. But you need to do something.
And generally, when you feel powerless to a situation, or you cannot change what is happening,
you act in a powerless way, by “giving it all away”…
I’ve found that the pain I was experiencing within, had to come up to the surface in order for me to
let go and get back to my healthier routines.
I shifted the outlet of porn to becoming more productive. And after a while of “screwing up”, one realises that it takes you nowhere, and its not glamorous, and there is nothing to be proud about,
and you feel by being a bit ashamed. Though the last part is important, feeling ashamed is
a very valid and strong emotion which shifts us to want to feel proud around our peers.
Which means that we must instead of wasting our energy, we must put it to good use.
-Fortifying our body and mind.
-Becoming more productive in our work.
-Becoming healthier and making cleaner life choices.
-Wanting to expand as a human being.
-Becoming happier and more energetic in our every day lives.
-Becoming more consistent and reliable for others.
-Improving your relationships.
-Becoming more confident
-Getting better at what you do.
In essence, focussing your energy is the equivalent of the NZT limitless pill.
If you add great food, great exercise, great thoughts, and great feelings.
Life will become limitless to you, and you’ll change the world in no time.
But first, start by understanding what is hurting you and where your pain lies.
Because, addiction to porn isn’t an addiction to porn,
but an outlet for pain.
“It masters chance, it conquers space;
it cowes that boastful trickster, chance.
And bids the tyrant circumstance
Uncrown, and fill a servant’s place.
Be not impatient in delays,
but wait as one who understands;
when spirit rises and commands,
The Gods are ready to Obey.” – James Allen
Though, once you’ve made the decision to overcome the way you use your energetic net-worth through sex, you’re going to want to have a plan so you can direct your energy efficiently and see results in changing your life.
This might not happen over night, as you have many different mental schematics going on unconsciously. Though, you’re going to have to make a decision to stay constant in a specific direction.
An example of why this doesn’t work for you would be something similar to feeling disempowered in taking action. Which leads to discomfort and the inability to enact what you have in mind. The pain of not being able to take action then leads to needing to find an outlet, because you don’t have one planned for you. And the first thing you perceive is the path to pleasure, in this case – instantaneous pleasure.
Though, you don’t want instantaneous pleasure, especially if you’re a high-achiever and you need to produce. If you’re anything like me, the instantaneous pleasure can be more painful than the arrival of the completion of your goals. Never arriving is the most painful thing. It also leads to feeling like a failure and never entirely feeling good enough. Because there is nowhere to go, and nothing to strive for. “Whats the point of life?!”
The pain is a good thing, if you know how to use it and the path to pleasure isn’t bad either.
Only not instantaneous pleasure. You need to redefine your map of how to get to pleasure
and when you can define an outcome that will please you, your pain will fuel you forward.
First thing we need to look at is your idea of what you want. “I want to be rich.” Ok, what does that even mean? Is it a vision you have? Is it a precise number? Is it a time-frame you have in mind to achieve what you want to achieve? Is it an actionable outcome? Is it simply the idea of possessing a Lambo and a mansion? What does “being rich” mean to you?
“I want to be fit!” What does being fit mean to you? Running 10km/day? Being able to lift up your Telsa every morning? Being able to show off muscles when you go to the beach? Feeling like your body is an incredible temple of which you’re proud? Not feeling puffed out when you walk up the stairs in your house? What does it mean? How precise can you be in the idea of “being fit”?
In The Rules of money by Richard Templar, on chapter two he writes:
“I have a wealthy and extremely generous friend who says that he knew long ago
when he was starting out in business that he would consider he had made enough
when he wasn’t living off the money he had amassed (which we will call his
capital). Nor would he be living off the interest on his capital. No, he would
consider himself wealthy when he was living on the interest on the interest on
his capital. Sounds good to me.
Now, this friend knows how much his interest on the interest is making him,
pretty much by the hour. Thus if we all go out for a meal in the evening he
knows (a) how much the meal has cost and (b) how much he has made while
eating the meal. He says that as long as (b) is more than (a), then he is happy.”
In that, his friend is highly clear about what he wants. It’s the same thing with energy allocation or to go further into body management, Allostatis.
1) Reallocate where you’re putting your energy.
Without going into the specifics of energetic management, to overcome your porn addiction, what you really want to do is reallocate where you’re putting your energy. Instead of directing your energy towards eating crisps, sitting on the couch (funny thing to say during covid lock-downs…),
2) Have a clear cut plan.
Have a clear cut plan of what you want and where you’re going with that same energy.
You can’t just decide to undo an addiction and live the exact same way. You’re going to have to reallocate your energy towards different more productive outputs, physical outputs, mental outputs, vocal outputs.
3) Use your energetic net-worth in a productive way.
You’re going to have to use your energetic net-worth in a productive way which allows for it to expand in healthy ways for you.
4) Know yourself well.
Ideally you’ll need to know yourself well enough, know what your dreams are, and you’ll need to know what is worth pursuing, for you (because what drives you is intimately linked to you and no-one else). What is worth it for you? You know the expression “We must burn the bridges“?
Well in this case, you must burn the bridges relating to how you’re living your life currently, and you must have a direction and underlying vision to strive towards. This will require all of your newfound energy to be applied in a different way.
5) Trust in yourself, be confident.
Trust in yourself, be confident that you can achieve what you want. This is an important one, because if you don’t believe you can achieve your vision, you won’t fully invest yourself into achieving it. Which means that you won’t burn the bridges.
6) Trust not only in yourself, but in the process of life.
In order to burn the bridges, you must trust not only in yourself, but also trust the process of life. You must trust that life will somehow deliver the best outcome for you, that it will also teach you as you go. Which is why you hear most successful people talking about “trusting the process“. You must trust that life is on your side and has your highest interest in mind. If you don’t, you’ll doubt the point of doing anything, you’ll doubt your action and you’ll bask in a complacent state thinking “How futile life is…”.
To overcome porn, one must make changes in one’s life. A change to how one thinks, a change to how one acts, and a change in how open one can be and how trusting one can be in the process of life. Anything is possible, as long as you’re patient enough to endure and learn the lessons, comprehend your place and be courageous enough to dream again. It really is possible.