Impostor Syndrome & Limiting beliefs

Impostor Syndrome, Mental Health quotes, words typography view lettering concept.

Growing up, I’ve had many limiting beliefs, and I’ve experienced imposter syndrome. 
Though, I have found that imposter syndrome came from me not being where I needed to be. 

You know, there’s an article by Gary V which talks about how entrepreneurs ARE BORN, NOT MADE. Which explains the 5 main points of what entrepreneurs have within which are natural to them. Or at least they’ve been exposed to it enough to bring out what is inside of them.

So, These 5 traits are:

  • Salesmanship. 
  • A chip on your shoulder. 
  • An independent spirit
  • Understanding consumers and consumer attention
  • and Patience

When reading this article, I understood, I had all of these traits, and my cv underlined it, just as Steve Jobs said that it’s by looking backwards that we connect the dots. 

That’s when we see what our purpose is!

 1 Salesmanship 

I went to sales school and it confirmed what I was, though I wasn’t any good with the academic aspect of it. I had a deep rebellious streak, which most entrepreneurs also have. It’s a childhood thing. Childhood experiences of a Father being away on business or starting business, but also experiencing the effects of their stressed characters while being behind scenes, which has effect on the way they treat those around them…

My father also has the ability to talk his way into and out of paper bags. Which I’d later confirm for myself on the field while working for a Jeweller selling Swarovski and Pandora to clients: I had the same gift of the gab too.

2 Having A chip on your shoulder.  

I cannot remember a time where I didn’t have a chip on my shoulder. I’ve Aways had a deep need to prove I’m better. 
NOW This is early, I remember when I was 5 at the playground, asking my mum if I was the best. I was born into a certain amount of luxury, though only to the outside eye. On the inside at home, we’d have to experience pain and cold, and struggle.
So, I grew up believing that we had money, when we didn’t. Which was a real blow to the ego when I found out: I was in fact poor. 
My mother fought tooth and nail for us to have what we wanted, despite having close to nothing herself. Which also gave me a deep need to succeed in life. I owe it to her, not like a debt, but like a mission
It’s like being part of the aristocracy with the people around you, yet living like paupers behind closed doors!
I was also exposed to wealthy families along the way. My best friends would always have some amount of wealth or at least some sort of power in the world. So, I’d always have a sense of competitivity with my friends which wasn’t so healthy, despite us having a good time….

Also, Simply the need to prove it to everyone, to stick it to those who didn’t believe in me, or who made me feel as if I wasn’t good enough from early adolescence onward. 
Its all an expression of childhood anyway.  But it all mounts up… 

3 An independent spirit.  

As for independence, I’ve always had the need for freedom. 
I’ve always and I mean Always needed to be an independent thinker. 
My mother told me I was running at the age of 11 months, and climbing up dangerous walls for example…

She thought I’d be some sort of mountain guide in extreme situations. Because of all the situations I’d been in physically over the course of my life. Basically, it was just me searching for limitations, searching to push further, searching to do better. 

Later on in life there was only so much I could discover in the material tangible world, so I went inside. Luckily I am an introvert, so that helped.
I’d search for the masculin structure a father should provide, or at least as it was absent, I’d push as far as I could as a result of needing to find limits. Distance, situations, anything… 
My father wasn’t home much, he was mainly at work. I’d always push everything to the extreme. Lacking a father figure, means no identity. For a guy at least.
Push that further and you’ll find that it’s a lack of references and building blocks for your identity. This means you have to build it on your own and validate it along your
journey with confirmations.

4 Understanding consumers and consumer attention

Understanding consumers is something I’ve done since the age of at least 16 while going into sales courses for example. 
Understanding consumers on a deeper level, as well as their attention.
I’ve always been pretty deep into psychology, as well as understanding others. 
Though I got deep into it after I read The Game by Neil Strauss when I was 17. 
I started to dig into mentalism and, Ericksonian hypnosis and other techniques and methods. All in the name of love and understanding how to get a girlfriend. 

Of course, with age you understand that you don’t need to force interactions, they occur naturally…. So, techniques and methods and 3 second rules kind of lose their importance. Though helpful for understanding customers and their desires.
This was confirmed when I worked at Victoria Magdalena for a year, selling jewellery. Then on a much deeper level when I worked at Apple in customer service. These two jobs alone gave me more than enough understanding of how customers functioned and why they’d buy such and such products. Of course one’s influence would have to be taken into consideration too…

 5 Patience 

And of course, patience. This is something life puts you up to without asking for it.
It puts you in many situations where you’re continually tested. Of course, seeing the grander scheme of things, having patience is how you survive. Because if you make a false move, act too soon, or like in sales rush to see the customer or force them to buy a product before they’ve made their mind up. You’ll end up blowing any possible deals for them or for yourself.  

In retrospect, I’ve done a lot of work on myself to undo limiting beliefs.
For example: Why on earth would I’d feel paralysed, when time came to take action?!

I did have one massive limitation to get over despite having imposter syndrome.
The Fear of Success. For me it was very real. It was Crippling even. 
Before understanding how it came about…. It made no sense at all that I’d have such a fear within. 
Especially that I am success orientated, I am driven to succeed, I have an internal Drive for success. I need success’s in my everyday life…. I need to be proud of myself.

Well, in moments where I’d feel completely paralysed by any possible action:
publishing my ideas, expressing myself in public, or simply being in collective settings…I’d somehow freeze. Or without going through with anything give up and go back to the drawing board.

Now, take into account that I’d had sales training, I’d applied “The Game“, I had success with girls, and I was pretty outgoing in high-school. Let’s say I wasn’t much of an introvert back then, go figure…

Fear of success comes from childhood situations with strong causation from parents over the effect of our mind long term. In other words, your parents affect your outlook.

They could be critical, get angry if you don’t live up to their unpronounced expectations and could shout out of the blue. Maybe they’re not very patient with you, and could project their fears and experiences (what doesn’t work for them, surely won’t work for you – in their perception). Obviously, in their own way they are just trying to protect you the best they can, because those situations didn’t work out for them. So, it’s only naturel that they’d want to protect you with all they have from experiencing pain and hardship.

This produced in me the fear of people criticising me, the fear of exposing myself or my ideas and being in the public eye. Or I’d get angry with myself if I didn’t live up to what I set out to do. I’d put a lot of pressure on myself due to that. And in combination all these things would become a sort of paralysis on the road to aspire to one’s father – As all kids do -. I’d put the metaphysical Hand-breaks on so to speak,  which would halt my course of action. This would leave me going round in circles.

In terms of imposter syndrome, I’ve found that what I am doing needs to be in sync with what I am thinking and aspiring to inside. If I am not aligned within and without, I will have the impression that what I am doing doesn’t correspond to what I am.

My inner beliefs need to be translated into reality. That’s actualisation. It’s about my expectations. If you are engaged for a specific role, and you don’t have enough internal confirmation you’ll end up firstly doubting your actions, but also doubting everything you attempt.

Imposter syndrome – for me at least-  vanished the second I started to strive towards my own purpose and ambitions and taking matters into my own hands. 
Focussing on what you need to be doing stops imposter syndrome. Imposter syndrome arises when you’re not on the right path and you’re simply pursuing money for money’s sake. 

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