Early mistakes

You know how we make mistakes, publicly, and while we do them, or as we are
doing something we think is a mistake, somehow we sense people slowly turning around and walking out of our life – one judgement at a time- ?

You know how we make mistakes in public, and then we think to ourselves it’s the end of the world or we’ll be disowned by the people who know us, etc.

While, this may be true in many ways, in the larger scale of things, it’s a good thing.

While we can sense our crowd losing momentum and exchanging concerned gazes between each other. (The “what the fuck is he doing” gaze… ) It can be disheartening to
observe those we once believed would accept us no matter what. Though, while they reject us silently, or simply hit the UNFOLLOW button, what’s really happening is in our best interest.

From the view point of someone who doesn’t want to be alone, but who’s learned to enjoy being with himself, the feeling of being rejected by peers could be a somewhat daunting feeling. For this example I’ll say “can” be somewhat daunting, but I’ll get to that in a few moments.

We have ingrained mental patterns designed to protect our emotions.
When we come full circle though, instead of creating the walls, we must bring them down,
as these walls become limiting in our interactions, or whatever we’ve created
mental barriers to protect ourselves from. Like in nature, there are natural fortifications which protect softer or more vulnerable substances. A great example for this is a nut,
or a lemon with its harder shell/peel, or better yet crabs or tortoises.

The hardness protects the vital and flowing softness within. If we look at the lifespan of a tortoise for example, the older it gets the harder the shell becomes, and vice versa, the younger it is the thinner the shell.

Now to get back to the explanations…

Us humans don’t have shells, but we build fortifications around our vulnerable and somewhat vital softness, in the form of being an arrogant asshole, or simply withdrawing..
These “mechanisms” are built from and around our emotions. Custom-fit to the way we feel when we create these shells. Though we won’t always feel the same way, as we are internally flowing and ever changing – especially within- in consciousness and body.

As we’re cyclical beings and tend to – like the planets- spin around the sun endlessly.
The same goes for our patterns, even if we think we’re being highly independent and
contradicting all possible patterns, we’re turning around some form of mental axis.

So, at the end of a mental cycle, our mind no longer needs the pattern it created before,
and we rediscover a similar state of vulnerability pre-shell-creation, which ensures our
base state. Or our point of neutrality. Or in video-game reference, our last Save of when everything was working swimmingly for us.

This is what I’m talking about when referring to Can and Could be daunting. Pre-pattern-shell, my last point of mental “everything is working well for me” is related to a moment in time before going off and experimenting. A moment in time where clarity of mind and synchronicity between internal circumstances and external circumstances.

Now, that works for me, it might not work for someone else. Though, like the minotaur,
I find my way back out of the maze I constructed for my own evolution. So specific patterns or comprehensions might not work for you. I digress…

So, when confronted with being rejected today, or denied, or cast aside. This is something
I have already overcome a long while ago. Though have been living in a very different manner than back then, in order to do deeper work on myself.

To transcend, and then to re-transcend the same issue – even after having overcome it –
it like cheat codes, or a personal map of what works and what doesn’t. And repeatedly,
I have personal confirmations upon external events. Though the meaning might be very different for someone else, the external events provide many sources of insight for my
everyday comprehensions.


So, why is it in our best interest?

People rejecting us or unfollowing our accounts, while we’re being as honest or as transparent as we can be with what we’re going through or trying to overcome in the moment, is means for clearly seeing our reality. It all becomes very black & white, which makes things very easy, not nice, but easy.

A few years ago, I attempted something which shifted my perception.
I changed the way I presented myself.

While I was going through all the ups and downs, experiencing the emotions
and the highs and lows. I was also experiencing external clarity.

People either accepted me, who I was within – regardless of looks or appearance –
the human being. Or they’d judge, based upon how I looked. My reality shifted.

People either were 100% or they weren’t. There was no middle ground.
And while I observed peoples actions and reactions very carefully, I came to comprehend
something. People were either accepting of themselves, or judging of themselves.
They were either on my side, wanting me to succeed, in whatever crazy pursuit I was on,
or they simply weren’t and my succeeding in anything would translate as a silent scorn on their face when I’d leave the room.

This exposed something for me. Where I thought that the people who simply didn’t make an effort for me as I was growing up, ended up many years later to not make the effort for themselves. It was reflective of them, not of my value.

All in all, being clearly honest in your messiness, in your struggle is power to you, as you’re striving to surpass something. And while it may be a social struggle, which makes for messy social displays of expression. The mistakes will ultimately lead to the betterment of your social capacity. And those not making those mistakes while hoping to stay in a state of perfection, well… They don’y get the benefits and remain stuck in their ways.

Making the mistakes in front of others is uncomfortable, but it’s a surefire way of
getting better at what you’re ultimately striving to do. While, making a mishap in front of your followers can have a “following” blowback, the silver lining is that it simply reajusts
your crowd to be better suited to who you are right now with your present flaws. Which,
is the best way to be around like-minded people or people who fit your ways of life.

If you’re covering up your ways, thoughts, what you’re doing… You’re saying to yourself
that you’re not valuable, and that you cannot live up to other peoples standards. Which is living for other people.

Making mistakes in front of peers, is the best way to see who is on your side and who roots for you. I learn’t that the hard way, I literally screwed up big time, and only a few people stood by and asked how I was. I say a few, it was my mum and a family friend…
The friends I thought were friends, nearly instantly vanished into thin air.

The social kingdom I thought I had erected during secondary school, high-school and university – like a house of cards- came crashing down silently and left me feeling
very much … alone.

Though in this solitude, I got to face myself. And in doing so, I discovered my own strength,
my creative capacity for example.

I tend to make a lot of mistakes on a daily basis, because from doing so I get feed back.
I seem a little weird to those witnessing them, but ultimately I’m gaining insight and
I’m either letting go of something or adding something to my perception.

You often hear people telling you that its good to fail. Samuel Becket himself proned the words “Fail, fail again, fail better.” But what we don’t often hear, is the importance of failing early.

My father urged me to make as many mistakes as early as possible in my life, and looking back, I can see his words have been highly valuable to me. In that I’ve made as many failures as possible, as early as possible. As I age, I see the wisdom, in that as you grow older your body takes longer to heal from things. When we’re kids we manage to fall out of
tree’s and walk off with a scratch, while after 40 simply getting out of bed seems to be one of the most fatal events our back could encounter… – Well, you get my gist…-

Mark Zuckerberg is famous for the words “Move fast and break things.” It’s the same basis.
Making mistakes as fast as possible and moving on. Allowing you more time to understand and recover afterwards.

Out of the loss of my so-called friends, I discovered me.
Out of the loss of your followers, you’ll discover your voice or what you believe in.
Not to mention gained time for everyone..
Out of the loss of something, you’ll always find something good.

As in all endings comes a new start…

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