A Christmas Iteration

First of all, if I don’t start by saying Merry Christmas, I will probably forget.
And as it is Christmas after all, I can’t help but wish you a wonderful day full of surprises, good health, wealth and family.

But as I’ve decided I’m all business this afternoon, I won’t touch much more about Christmas while I’m writing this article.

Today, I awoke at five in the morning. Though, although, I always have a childlike disposition and propensity to go check at the door of my room for the stocking full of presents (family tradition), my first intention was to appreciate my morning while no-one was awake.

I found myself on the other side of a perspective I’d normally just witness. I went down stairs, to find the Christmas tree dark in a cold room. The lights were off and the heating also. Christmas hasn’t been feeling like Christmas, at all this year.

Maybe for good reason. I’ve evolved, I’m not simply in the backseat anymore.
I feel as if I am in a position of control again. Though this time, instead of unconscious blind control within the illusion of an unobserved life, I find myself having examined the deeper recesses of what made me tick and why.

I found myself, clearly and consciously thinking, not simply acting without thought.

This morning, instead of waiting for others to come and make the environment nice. I took action upon what I would have liked for myself and created the situation. The intention to enlighten, and warm an otherwise cold and uninviting morning, became the enlightenment and empowerment of my intent through conscious thoughts. I took control and stepped up to the plate. While also getting a good headstart to the day.

This morning was a milestone in my journey.

I’ve succeeded in being in charge, not like a boss, but like a leader. Unpronounced go all the different variations of iterations which have gone unseen or unmentioned but have, accumulated overtime to confirm who I am today. The struggle, constant, enduring and sometimes overwhelming, bared its fruit this morning and consolidated a lifetime of effort and striving to do the right thing. Only this morning was different,
this morning was a turning point in my story. A long deserved, and long desired change in dynamics.

As much as I have held on to my childlikeness for a long time. Letting go and stepping into what seems to be an accepted adulthood is, if nothing else, an empowered state of childplay, only with responsability and empathy for those around insteaf of focussed solely on one’s self.

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